


love foolish

by sweetdanger



Series: S M [1]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2020-12-14 07:05:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 49,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21011723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetdanger/pseuds/sweetdanger





	1. i called your name every day

Momo takes in a deep breath.

The room is empty now. Their routine went smoothly today. Her students are getting better. She smiles to herself as she wipes the trickling sweat from her forehead. Things are getting better.

She gathers all her stuff and puts them in her duffel bag. Her phone rings and it echoes in the room. She looks at the screen. An international call. A  _ Korean _ number, to be exact.

Momo frowns. It has been long since she last received a call from there. Her heart is suddenly beating frantically but she ignores it. Things are getting better.

She answers the call. Speaks first.

“Hello?” She almost answered in Japanese.

There’s bustling and what sounded like a  _ “did she answer? Is that really her?” _

But hearing Korean sounded so foreign now that she almost didn’t understand what the person was saying.

_ “Shh! Be quiet!”  _ Another voice.

“Uh.. Who’s this?” Momo suddenly thought of how fans used to prank call her, trying to get her attention. She cringes at the thought. She was about to drop the call when she heard a clearer voice.

_ “Let me do it.”  _ Momo knows that voice. She knows it very well.  _ “Momo?” _

“Jihyo?” Momo knows. Momo knows. Momo knows.

_ “Finally.”  _ There’s a deep sigh.  _ “Momo. Yes, it’s Jihyo.” _

“H-hey..” Momo answers with a shaky breath. 

_ “Don’t hey me.”  _ Jihyo’s voice is stern.  _ “It’s been three years.”  _

“What’s up?” Momo didn’t mean to sound so nonchalant.

Jihyo huffs.  _ “What do you mean, ‘what’s up’?”  _

Someone in the background whispers.  _ “Unnie, maybe it’s not the right time.” _

_ “I don’t care if it’s not the right time. When will that ‘right time’ come, anyway?” _

Momo feels like they are forgetting she is there. She sits on the floor, defeated. She wants to end the call.

But she’s scared of Jihyo. After all these years, Jihyo still has that effect on her. She has to get a grip. “Look, I’m really busy and-”

_ “I missed you, Moguri.”  _ Jihyo sighs again.  _ “We all do.”  _

Momo’s heart clenches at the nickname. “I’m- Ji, it’s not a good time.” She never thought that nicknames could hurt her like this. Momo hates this feeling.

_ “When’s a good time, then? We’ll call on a good time.”  _ Jihyo pleads.

“I’ll- I’ll be the one to call you back.” She hates lying. She never lies. This could be the first time.

_ “Momo…”  _ Jihyo wants to say something. Momo doesn’t know if she wants to hear it.

“I’ll call. I will.” She won’t.

_ “I believe that.”  _ She knows that Jihyo does. No one else has this much faith in her than Jihyo. Momo hates this feeling.  _ “But there’s something else.” _

“What is it?”

_ “Maybe not now, unnie.”  _ That voice. That was Chaeyoung. She recognizes now. That was their Chaeyoung.

_ “Just one thing.”  _ Jihyo has sighed for at least five times during the call. She must want to say a lot of things. Momo is half thankful she’s keeping them in, half curious of what they were.

“Okay.”

There’s silence.

_ “You know our anniversary is coming, right?”  _ Momo knows. Momo knows. Momo knows.  _ “Everyone would be here this year.” _

“Everyone?” It wasn’t supposed to come out of her mouth like that.

_ “Yes, everyone. And that includes you.”  _ That also includes... _ “So stop isolating yourself and get your ass over here.” _

“You know I can’t.” Momo swore never to go back there.

_ “I damn right know you can.”  _ Momo flinches.  _ “And you will.” _

“I swear, Jih-”

_ “Come home, Momo.” _ Momo’s heart is breaking. She thought things were getting better.

“I  _ am _ home, Jihyo.”

_ “That’s bullshit and you know it.”  _ Momo can’t have this right now.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” She snaps. Momo hangs up the call and throws it in her bag.

She takes a deep breath.

Things were supposed to be getting better.


	2. a thousand times, ten million times

Momo uses the keycard and enters. Something smells good.

Lucky, Momo’s dog, barks at her. She bends down to pet him.

_ “Tadaima.”  _ Lucky lies on his back and turns. Momo rubs his belly.

“Dismissed early today, I see.” Hana, Momo’s sister, comes out of the kitchen holding a spatula. “I cooked your favorite.”

“You didn’t tell me you were coming.” Momo stands up and throws her duffel bag on the sofa. She goes along with it, sitting and grunting like an old man who came from a tiring day of work. “I could have cooked for you instead.”

“You don’t like my cooking?” Hana gasps and fakes offense. Momo closes her eyes and takes another deep breath. She’s exhausted.

“Not when you leave the kitchen like this. You’re gonna burn down my apartment.”

“Shit, right.” Hana hurries to the kitchen and turns off the stove. They should have a proper dinner, at least.

\---

“Good?” Hana asks, anticipating.

“Just… edible, maybe?” Momo teases.

Hana pushes her shoulder. She missed the banter.

“You could come home, you know? I can cook better.” Hana eats the last piece of sushi. Momo never liked them.

“What’s with people today wanting me to ‘come home’?” Momo drops her chopsticks.

“Mama and Papa miss you, that’s all.” Hana stifles a laugh. She still knows how to push Momo’s buttons.

“Don’t tell me you miss me, too.” Momo folds her arms to her chest.

“So what if I do? Don’t you miss me?” Hana coos. She's smiling, but Momo isn’t. “Alright, geez. What’s gotten you so worked up?”

Momo pushes the plate. Not that Hana’s food is bad. It’s just been a long day.

“Let me rephrase that.” Hana knows her sister too well.  _ "Who’s  _ gotten you so worked up?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.” Momo looks at Hana. Momo knows. Momo knows. “You gave my number out to random people without my permission.”

“But they aren’t just  _ random  _ people.” Hana smiles. It’s like the Hirai type of smile. She’s beautiful. “They’re your girls, Momo.”

Momo narrows her eyes. She won’t have this conversation tonight.

She stands up and puts her plate in the sink. She’s not mad. Just maybe a bit pissed. “You could have at least warned me.”

“If I told you, you wouldn’t have allowed me to give them your number.” Hana follows her to the sink. She leans on the counter and shares a truth. “You wouldn’t have listened to what they were gonna say.”

“And what were they gonna say?” Momo turns to look at her sister. She’s taller than her now. Hana’s hair is pink. It’s fading. It’s been a long time.

“Are you telling me that you hung up on them?”

“No.”

Hana tuts. “Momo...”

“I’m sorry, okay?” Momo throws her hands up. “I just got annoyed.”

“So... you still don’t know?” Hana folds her arms to her chest, just like how Momo did a while ago.

“Know what?” Momo is sick of this. What should she know?

“It shouldn’t come from me.” Hana pushes herself off the counter. “Wash the plates and call them back.”

Hana hurries to the living room and grabs her bag. Momo trails behind her.

“Hey, not so fast.” Momo stands in front of Hana. She looks down and scratches her forearm.  _ There you are _ , Hana thinks.  _ My little sister.  _ “I’m scared.”

“I know.” Hana cups Momo’s face. Hana knows. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask for your permission.”

“What is it? What they’re gonna tell me,” Momo inquires. “Is it bad?”

“It won’t be right if it will come from me.” Hana answers her honestly. There’s sincerity in her eyes. “You should talk to them, hm?”

Momo just nods. Hana tiptoes and kisses her forehead.

“I’m here, okay?” Hana pats her cheek. “If it’s good, I’m here. If it’s bad, I’m here.”

Momo knows that, too.

\---

She’s going in circles. Lucky is sitting on the bed. His eyes follow her. Momo’s grip on her phone is tight.

“What if it’s bad?” Momo asks no one. She wishes Lucky can understand. Maybe he has some good opinions. “It won’t be, right?”

“What’s it about?” Lucky turns his head to the side. “ _ God, _ this is so frustrating.”

Momo sits on her bed. Lucky follows and puts his head on her lap.

“I should just call them and get it over with.” Lucky just stares. “Right.”

Momo takes a deep breath and dials. It takes two rings.

_ “Thought you wouldn’t, considering it’s been four days.”  _ Jihyo answers.

“What’s it really about, Ji?” Momo instantly asks.

_ “Not even a sorry for hanging up on me?”  _ Jihyo says back.

“Okay, I’m sorry I hung up on you. Now what’s it about, please?” Momo just wants to know.

_ “What’s what about?” _

“I don’t know? You call me out of the blue and invite me for an anniversary party.” Momo is nervous. “There must be something.”

_ “Ah, wouldn’t you want to know…”  _ Jihyo teases. Momo furrows her brows. Not the right time to joke.

“So? What is it?” Momo hates that Jihyo is prolonging this. She bounces her knees up and down. Lucky gets off of her. Momo whispers a  _ ‘sorry’ _ .

_ “She’s leaving.”  _ Jihyo’s voice is so clear it feels like she is there.  _ “For good.” _

“Sorry, what?”

_ “You know who I’m talking about.”  _ Momo knows. Momo knows.

“So you’re telling me,” Momo begins to conclude. “You went all out and took my number from my sister, suddenly called me, said you missed me, told me I should go back to Korea and come to the supposed anniversary party… just because of _ her _ ?”

_ “Uh... Yes?” _

“Where exactly do I fit in this?” Momo stands up. She’s done with this talk, she decides.

_ “You fit in every aspect of this.”  _ Jihyo persists.  _ “It’s Sana.” _

“Yeah, exactly.” Momo hasn’t heard that name in a long time. Except on TV. She can just quickly change the channel for those moments. But not this one. “What the fuck is this, Jihyo?”

She’s not mad. She’s not. But why are they talking about her all of a sudden?

_ “Momo, just come home.”  _ Jihyo is done talking, too.

“I don’t get why I should, Ji.” Momo looks out her window. It’s fall.

There’s shushed talking in the background. She hears Jihyo say  _ “If she doesn’t want to, we can’t force her.” _

Momo thinks orange leaves are pretty, but she just can’t wait to see all the pink Sakura bloom. Someone finally includes her in the conversation.

_ “Go back to Japan after the party, unnie.”  _ This is unfair, Momo thinks. Jihyo took out a wild card. She missed this kid so much.

“Chaeyoung...” Momo’s heart is in a mush. “ _ Chaeyoung-ah. _ ”

_ “Unnie,”  _ Chaeyoung starts. Momo wants to cry.  _ “I promise you can go back right after the party. We will even provide your tickets.” _

Momo can feel the tears prickling, wanting to come out. It’s suddenly too much.

_ “Please, unnie. Do it for me.”  _ Chaeyoung’s voice cracks.

Momo booked the earliest flight to Korea.


	3. before it reaches your ears

“Chaeyoung is my favorite.” Hana says out loud. She takes out Momo’s luggage from the trunk.

Momo is quiet. She gives a tight-lipped smile.

“Oh, cheer up. It’s only a few weeks.” Hana bumps her shoulder. They’re walking to the airport now.

“I’m scared.” Hana halts. Momo stops too. Hana removes an eyelash from Momo’s cheek. “I’m really scared.”

“Of what, exactly?” Hana holds her hand. They walk again.

“Of seeing them. Of talking to them. Of seeing her. I don’t know.” Momo slows down. “Hell, I’m going there just to see her leave, right? This is ridiculous.”

“They are still your girls.” Hana looks at her sister and smiles sadly. Momo hates her words sometimes. She can be brutally honest.

When Momo turned silent, Hana tightens her hold on her sister for a moment and then loosens. “If it’s good, I’m here. If it’s bad, I’m here.”

They reach the gate and Hana automatically binds her into a long hug.

“Don’t sulk too much.” Hana whispers behind her ear. She looks at Momo on a shoulder length. Despite their height difference, she ruffles Momo’s hair. “I’ll miss you again.”

Momo rolls her eyes. Her sister can be cheesy. She gives her one last hug, takes the luggage, and starts walking away.

“Momo!” Hana calls out. “One more thing.”

Momo turns around. “Yeah?”

“Mina called. Stay at her house. I’ll send you the address.”

_ Right, _ Momo thought. She doesn’t have a place in Korea anymore.

\---

No cameras. No crowds. Momo got out of the Incheon Airport peacefully. It was almost nostalgic.  _ Almost. _

She steps into the daylight. It’s only 5PM in Korea. The cold wind hitting her face.  _ I should take the next flight back to Osaka _ , Momo thinks.  _ No one would even know. _ Momo shakes her head.  _ I got this. _ She repeats to herself.  _ It’s just a few weeks. _

She unlocked her phone, checking if Hana already sent her Mina’s address. She did. Thank heavens it’s Mina who she will see first. It’s been three years. She missed her best friend. She hopes Mina feels the same.

Momo hails a cab and says the address. Conversing with an actual Korean just feels so different on her tongue.


	4. cut and rewind

Momo reaches Mina’s place. Reaches Mina’s door. It stops there.

It’s a two-floor house. Momo can see from the outside that there’s someone on the second floor. Probably Mina in her bedroom. There’s soft music playing, too. She can’t recognize the song but it’s  _ so _ Mina that it hurts her.

She left this three years ago, along with other things.

So it’s just right to feel that she doesn’t deserve this. She can’t even bring herself to ring the doorbell.

Momo notices the lights turn off. She can see from the window that someone,  _ Mina _ , is hurrying down the stairs. Momo can imagine her light footsteps. Her heart is beating fast. She needs to contain herself.

The lights are on downstairs, too. The curtains are so thin that anyone could see what was happening inside. She sees Mina, beautiful as always, carrying pillows and blankets. Another person comes into view and Momo’s heart flips.

She suddenly feels that she is intruding.

Chaeyoung takes the pillows from Mina and smiles softly at her. Chaeyoung says something which made Mina giggle. Chaeyoung looks at Mina lovingly.

_ Whipped.  _ Momo smiles widely.  _ You got the girl, after all, Chaengie. _

Her heart stopped when Mina looked out the window and caught her staring at them from the outside. Momo’s feet are stuck on the ground.

Mina drops everything and runs to the door. Chaeyoung does the same. Momo thinks it’s cute. The cub still follows the penguin wherever it goes.

“Momoring!”

“Momo-unnie!”

Momo didn’t have time to reply. She was immediately engulfed in a group hug. She can’t breathe but she loves it.

“Hello, my MiChaeng.” Momo lets out a giggle. She loves them so much.

\---

“I can’t believe I made you come home.” Chaeyoung says as she puts down Momo’s luggage on the bed.

Momo pinches her cheeks. “Aigoo, my irresistible Chaengie.” Chaeyoung scrunches her nose.

Mina was leaning on the door frame. Her heart flutters at the scene.

“Have you had dinner yet?” Momo turns to Mina’s voice. She thought Mina looked so elegant standing like that.

“Minari,” Just because she missed saying it. “Can you stop being so pretty?”

Mina shows her gummy smile.  _ God, she missed her. _

“C’mere, Mi-tan.” Momo says in Japanese. Mina goes closer to her. Momo envelops her favorite girl in a hug. “The prettiest girl in the world, Mi-tan.”

“I missed you, too, Momoring.” Mina softly pushes Momo. “You got even more skinny.”

“Did I?” Momo looks down at her feet and spreads her arms. “Maybe it’s the dancing.”

Chaeyoung hugs Momo from the back. “You still got your rock-hard abs!”

Mina and Momo laugh.

It’s fall. It’s warm.


	5. why can't you be mine

“Chaeyoung, how did you get so lucky?” Momo hums. “This is so good. You cook so well, Mi-tan.”

Chaeyoung blushes. Mina does, too. Momo shakes her head. “Wow, you guys are still so whipped for each other.”

“Enough about us, Momo-unnie.” Chaeyoung has crumbs on her mouth. Mina wipes them off. “How have you been?”

“Nah, let’s save that for the sleep-over. I don’t have much to talk about, anyway.” Momo licks her spoon.

“The party!” Chaeyoung claps. Mina looks down on her plate.

“What is it?” Momo puts down her spoon. “Something wrong?”

“Nope. I’m excited for it!” Chaeyoung seems giddy. Mina finishes her food.

“Mi-tan?”

“It’s nothing, Momoring.” Mina smiles. It doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Come on, I’m here now.” Momo insists. She gets another bite of the muffin that Chaeyoung baked. “Tell me.”

“Sa-tang.” Mina says. Chaeyoung chokes on the water she’s drinking. Momo stops eating. “Sa-tang’s coming, too.”

Momo lets out a breathy laugh. “I know.” Momo hits Chaeyoung’s back a few times. “You okay there, kid?”

Chaeyoung gives a thumbs up.

“Please don’t do anything that will ruin this reunion.” Mina is suddenly serious. “We all haven’t seen each other in years.”

There’s a thick tension. Chaeyoung can’t cut through it.

“I won’t, Mi-tan. Relax.” Momo assures her. “It’s like you don’t know me.”

“I  _ knew _ you. Maybe I still do.” Mina looks at Momo directly in the eye. “I’m not sure. That’s why I’m saying this.”

It’s a stare-down. Chaeyoung feels out of place.

“And Sana?” Momo will not back down.

“What about Sana?”

“You’re sure of her?”

“You can’t throw it back to me.” Mina breaks the eye-contact and softly adds, “I’m just asking for one peaceful night.”

“I know I ruined us back then. The whole group.” Momo stands up and takes her plate. It’s heavy. Her heart feels heavy. “You don’t know how sorry I am for that. Really, I’m not here to make any more mistakes.”

“That’s not what I mean, Momo.”

“It’s the truth, isn’t it? I was the one who broke us all.” Momo puts her plate in the sink and leans back on the counter. “But you should know this, Mi-tan,” She faces both Mina and Chaeyoung. “I’m over Sana.”

Everything pauses. The whole world heard that. Or at least, Mina and Chaeyoung did.

Mina narrows her eyes at Momo. She wants to believe it. She wants to believe Momo.

“Really?” Chaeyoung’s eyes are wide. She looks at Mina and whispers, “so can we tell her?”

“Tell me what? What else are you guys hiding?” Momo thought she heard it all.

“It’s not our place to tell, Chaeyoung.” Mina cleans up her plate, too, and puts them in the sink. Momo’s eyes are slowly burning the back of her head.

“Oh, for fucks sake.” She’s not mad. Momo is not mad. “I came here for the party, but suddenly there are secrets involved? I can’t believe this.”

“Why did you fly here, Momo?” Mina finally turns to her.

“Because Jihyo and Chaeyoung asked me to.” Momo answers.

“You want me to believe that?”

“What?” Momo grunts. “What else would it be?”   
  


“You were away for three years, Momo.” Mina spats. “No calls, no texts, no e-mails, deleted all your accounts. Hell, not even the media were able to reach you. You  _ disappeared _ .”

“I said I’m sorry, Mina! God,” Momo throws her hands up. “What’s this about?”

“It just got me wondering, you know? ‘Cause I, myself, tried reaching you so many times.” Mina lets out a sarcastic, breathy laugh. “Then here comes  _ Jihyo _ calling you and asking you to come home. You hang up on her,  _ unsurprisingly _ . We all waited for your next call. And when it came, Jihyo admits to you that this anniversary would be our last-”

“Woah, hold the fuck up. Our last?” Momo cuts her off, but Mina continues.

“And that Sana is leaving for New York. So, you took the earliest flight to Korea and then came running here.” Momo has never heard Mina talk this fast. She also didn’t know about New York. “And now you’re telling me that you flew back here just because Jihyo and Chaeyoung  _ asked _ you to? That’s complete  _ bullshit _ , don’t you think?”

“I tell you the truth and you think it’s bullshit?” Momo never had a fight with Mina. “I tell you I’m over Sana and you think it’s bullshit?”

Momo stands tall. Mina doesn’t recognize her.

“News flash. You weren’t there when I was trying to move on.” Momo points a finger to Mina’s chest. “None of you were.”

“We didn’t even know you were leaving...” Mina’s voice is loud but it cracks. Chaeyoung stands up. Momo is not finished yet.

“Because none of you were there when I needed you!” Momo adds. “You all took her side even when I was the one hurting. You  _ saw _ it with me, Mina. You were there.”

Mina’s tears fall.

“You were there when I told her I love her! You were there when she treated me like  _ shit _ ! You were there when we  _ kissed _ ! You were there when she kissed somebody else!” Momo can’t breathe. “You were  _ always _ with me, Mina... You saw them all with me.”

Chaeyoung is now beside her girlfriend. “Please stop now. You’re hurting each other..”

Momo holds onto a chair. She needs to breathe. There was a long silence.

“That’s exactly why I don’t believe you.” Mina is crying. Momo hates herself for it. “You loved her so much-”

“Cut it out already. I’m done with this Sana talk.” Momo wants to walk out. “I said what I said. I’m over her. I’m done. We’ll all go to the party. Have a good time. Then I’ll go back to Japan.”

Chaeyoung tried holding onto Mina but she shook her off.

“That’s stupid, Momo. It’s stupid and you know it.” Mina pushes.

“What _ the fuck _ do you want to hear Mina? That I still love her?” Momo comes close to Mina again. Chaeyoung stays by Mina’s side. “That she’s still the one? That I’m  _ still _ pining for her?  _ That’s  _ why I came here? ‘Cause call me defensive, Mina, but you won’t hear that shit from m-“

“That’s fucking stu-” Mina starts again.

“Well,  _ thank you  _ for reminding me that I am indeed stup-!”

“Sana’s getting married!” Mina is breathing heavily. She shouldn’t have said that.  _ Fuck, _ she shouldn’t have said that. “Fuck.”

It’s deafening. The quiet. All they can hear is Mina’s breathing. Chaeyoung stares at the ground. Momo blinks.

“What.”

Mina needs to sit down. She feels dizzy. And tired. If Chaeyoung wasn’t holding her, she would have collapsed right then and there.

“Unnie,” Chaeyoung embraces Mina tighter. “Let’s just talk this out, okay?”

Momo needs someone to hold her, too.


	6. who makes me spin, it's you

_ “Our managers didn’t say a single word. You made them promise.” _ Chaeyoung sighs.  _ “They said you terminated your contract. But that was so selfish, no?" _

Momo is done talking, she decides. Mina is, too.

_ “Your contract was over, unnie, but not our friendship. I was really disappointed in you.” _

Chaeyoung single-handedly carries the conversation.

_ “But I guess we were wrong, too. We didn’t listen to you. It was just hectic. It must have been hard for you. But that time was hard for us, too. We all felt the pressure.” _

Momo looks up at Chaeyoung.

_ “There was the world tour. There were promotions. Even our dating lives were all issues back then.” _

Chaeyoung never thought she'd ever have the chance to tell this. Not to Momo.

_ “We can’t just accept that you left without a word. We all took turns flying to Japan. Jihyo-unnie even talked to your parents.” _

Mina holds Chaeyoung's hand. Everything is calm. Everything is okay.

_ “They said you needed space. That the idol life has gotten into you. That you are in Japan, but does not want to be bothered. It was sad, you know? How you cut us off like that. Closed your doors. Treated us like strangers.” _

Momo breathes in deeply. She knows this part of the story.

_ “Most of all,”  _ Chaeyoung looks at Momo.  _ “You didn’t let us explain. You didn’t let any of us explain.” _

Momo feels the tears coming again.

_ “To be honest, none of us knew what to do. The company said you talked to them for a long time. PD-nim himself called us for a meeting. He said you insisted on terminating your contract and didn’t accept to receive your last few months of pay just to do that.” _

Chaeyoung closes her eyes tightly. She can't cry. This is all in the past now.

_ “I’m sure you heard the news about it. The group took a break after the world tour. We all went our separate ways. At least, as separate as we can be.” _

She holds Mina tighter. Everything is fine. Everything is okay.

_ “We weren’t TWICE anymore. Not without you.” _

That does it. Momo puts her head in her hands. Mina stands up and hugs her side.

“I’m sorry, Chaeyoung-ah.” Momo didn’t know. Momo didn’t know. Momo didn’t know. “I really am.”

“It’s over though. Please stop crying.” Chaeyoung hugs her from the side, too.

Momo is wrapped up in her favorite people’s arms. She doesn’t deserve this. “We're okay now, unnie.”

“I’m sorry.” Momo says over and over. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Mina hushes her and pats her head. She hugs Momo tighter. Momo sobs and sobs and sobs. Chaeyoung rubs her back.

This was how they slept, wrapped in each other’s arms. They didn't talk about anything else. They should have. 

Momo dreamt of falling leaves.

\---

Momo wakes up with a grunt. She stretches her body. She can smell something good. She can hear laughter. Everything still feels heavy. But warm.

She enters the kitchen. Chaeyoung has flour on her nose, her arms wrapped around Mina. She is attacking her girlfriend with kisses. Mina is giggling, laughing.

Suddenly, the world is all good.

“Am I interrupting something?” Mina looks up at Momo. Chaeyoung loosens her hold on Mina. They lost their smiles. But it's still warm. “Okay, geez, I was kidding.”

“Breakfast?” Mina says. The mood is light.

“Or you could just make-out, whatever. I’ll go eat my food somewhere else.” Momo keeps in her laugh.

“That’s good with me!” Chaeyoung kisses the tip of Mina’s nose, earning a yelp from the girl. She looks at her girlfriend lovingly. “I could spend all day with you and not get tired.”

“Alright, I get it! Stop being cute and sappy in front of me.” Momo covers her eyes. She hears some giggling and soft whispers. She may have heard something like  _ “we’ll continue this later”  _ but she doesn’t want to delve on it.

“Momo-unnie, you can open your eyes now. Minari cooked bacon, eggs, and pancakes. The complete set.” Chaeyoung’s smile could light up the whole town.

“Ah, finally. I can eat my breakfast in peace.” Momo fakes annoyance. She is their biggest shipper in the world but they don’t need to know that.

“Momoring,” Mina tries to grab her attention from the pancakes. “We will shop for the party later.”

Momo just hums. Mina smiles at this. Food really shuts Momo up. It was like nothing happened last night.

“Wanna come with us?” Chaeyoung asks.

“Is it just you two?”

“Nayeon-unnie is coming over.” Chaeyoung shrugs. “With Jeongyeon-unnie, of course.”

Momo continues chewing. Stares off into the distance. She thinks of her two best friends. The best people in the world. They must hate her now.

“Stop worrying.” Mina reads her mind. “They miss you, too.”

Momo gives her a smile. “I’ll come with you. If you won’t mind.”

“That’s settled, then.” Chaeyoung claps once. Where the hell did all that flour come from? “Uh, but Momo-unnie, if you don’t want to be seen by the media, you should cover up.”

“I ain’t forget that you kids are famous here.” Momo loves pancakes. Mina loves seeing Momo like this.

“I’m actually talking about you. The nation’s dancing machine is back in Korea.” Chaeyoung says nonchalantly. Momo cringes at the nickname. Mina hits Chaeyoung’s arm.

“Haven’t heard that in a while.” Momo takes another bite of the pancake.

“Sorry.” Chaeyoung says.

“It’s alright, Chaengie. No harm done.” Momo gives a toothy grin.

“I’ll wash your dishes. You two go shower when you’re done.” Mina stands up and takes her and Chaeyoung’s plates. They were done eating. But breakfast with Chaeyoung will always include quiet conversations, eskimo kisses, and soft giggles.

Momo and Chaeyoung look at each other playfully and say in chorus, “yes,  _ omma _ .”

Mina loves them both dearly.


	7. just round and round and round and around you

Momo and Chaeyoung are waiting for Mina in the living room. They’re switching channels on the TV. Nothing seems interesting, so Momo unlocks her phone and checks her e-mails. Adulting can get you booked.

Mina comes down a minute after, dressed in a plain white shirt and some jeans. She’s ethereal. Chaeyoung swoons. Momo fakes gag when Chaeyoung says  _ “you look beautiful today, Minari”  _ and Mina actually blushes.

Momo sits around, anxious of what will happen when Nayeon and Jeongyeon see her. She doesn’t sit for long though. The doorbell rings. Soon after, she was in front of her old roommate: Yoo Jeongyeon.

“You fucking bi-” Momo almost runs away from Jeongyeon, but the girl was faster than her. She was enveloped in Jeongyeon’s arms in no time.

“Can’t… breathe…”

“I don’t care. You’re staying here in my arms forever.” Jeongyeon doesn’t let go. Momo smiles so wide she’s afraid that her lips would get torn. “Never,  _ ever  _ play this shit again. You understand? Or do I need to ask Mina to translate it to Japanese?”

Momo tries to nod. Jeongyeon’s hold is tight on her.

“I swear, Momo. I would follow you to the ends of the world and drag you back here if you ever even think of leaving us again.” She can feel Jeongyeon’s tears on her neck. Momo’s knees grow weak. “I missed you, stupid.”

“Hey, save a little bit for me.” Somebody appears from behind the door. Momo sees her. The ever smug, ever beautiful superstar: Im Nayeon.

The said girl opens her arms wide, bunny teeth showing.  _ God, _ how Momo missed those. She removes herself from Jeongyeon’s hug and runs to Nayeon’s. All dams broke loose.

“Unnie.” Momo is sobbing. “Nayeon-unnie.”

“I missed you more, Momo-yah.” Nayeon pats and rubs her back.

“I’m sorry,” Momo can’t stop crying. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“Don’t be silly,” Nayeon shushes her. “You’re here now.”

Jeongyeon hugs them both from the back. Chaeyoung joins in. And Mina, needless to say, finds a place in the hug, too.

Korea is starting to feel like home again.

\---

“Yoo Jeongyeon, go find the best meat.” Nayeon starts distributing their tasks. It’s quite funny though. She’s wrapped in a scarf and some sunglasses. Comical. “Chaeyoung, you know Mina is responsible enough to know what to do. And Momo and I will choose the best jellies… and wine.”

“No  _ problemo _ , boss.” Jeongyeon agrees. “I’ll see you later. Don’t let Momo go anywhere.” She kisses Nayeon on the cheek. Momo could see Nayeon’s smile from beneath the scarf.

“Hey, I won’t go anywhere. I came for the food.” Momo quickly replies. Jeongyeon pushes the cart.

Mina, Chaeyoung, and Jeongyeon go separate ways. Nayeon locks arms with Momo.

“Let’s go on a grocery adventure!” Nayeon shouts while pointing to the ceiling. Momo joins in on the fun. Or whatever this is that makes her heart soar.

\---

They unload the bags from Jeongyeon’s trunk. It seems like they bought the whole store. Momo got used to buying stuff only for herself.

“Who’s gonna eat all these?” Momo whines.

“Everyone.” Jeongyeon and Nayeon say in chorus.

“Or just you, Momoring.” Mina adds. Chaeyoung snorts.

Momo shakes her head. “My abs won’t last a day in Korea.”

“Oh, shut up. You dance every fucking day.” Nayeon bickers. The conversation feels so familiar.

They got to Mina’s kitchen and sort what they bought.

“So wait, we’re gonna party here?” Momo asks. It just dawned on her that she knows 0% of the party’s details.

“No, Jihyo’s house is quite bigger so we’ll go there. But we’ll cook what we can here.” Nayeon says while trying to reach the top of the cabinet. Jeongyeon helps her with it and kisses her temple. Nayeon smiles. Momo does, too.

“Ah.” Momo replies. “What can I do to help?”

“I know. Let’s all cook!” Mina’s head snaps at this statement from Chaeyoung.

“Hell no, love. You go sit in the living room.” Mina pats Chaeyoung’s cheek and kisses her forehead. The unnies are watching them with loving eyes.

“Why is everybody kissing everybody?” Momo asks suddenly.

Nayeon kisses her cheek. Jeongyeon follows. And then Chaeyoung. And then Mina.

Momo’s heart could explode.


	8. repeated every day, midnight promise

The drive to Jihyo’s house is nerve-wracking. Momo can’t sit still. She’s with Nayeon and Jeongyeon. Mina and Chaeyoung are in another car.

“Momo, if you hit the back of my seat one more time I’m gonna have to push you out of this vehicle.” Jeongyeon glares at her from the rearview mirror.

“Sorry.” Momo bites her nails.

“Why are you so nervous? It’s just the girls.”

“Jeong, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I haven’t seen them in three years.” Momo snaps.

“Okay, calm down. Just breathe.” Nayeon turns in her seat to look at Momo. “It’s okay. We’ll be there with you.”

“Thank you.” Momo takes in a deep breath.

She suddenly remembers what her sister said the last time.

Breathe, Momo. _They’re still your girls._

_\---_

Nayeon rings the doorbell. She’s the only one with a free hand. Everyone else is carrying something. Momo wants to back out.

They hear footsteps coming. The locks click one by one.

_ “Password?”  _ It’s Jihyo.

“Open the door for the prettiest girl Im Nayeon?”

_ “Try again.” _

“Just open up, Hyo. Or I’ll break your knees.”

_ “Try again!” _

Momo goes near the door and clears her throat. “ _ Knock knock? _ ” She sings in a high-pitched voice, just like how a certain someone would.

Nayeon gives her a  _ “really?”  _ look but Momo just shrugs. They hear Jihyo giggle.

The door opens and they see Jihyo’s bright smile. Nayeon rolls her eyes but softens nonetheless.

“I knew I could trust you, Moguri.” Jihyo hugs her immediately. Momo almost drops the food. She’d drop anything for Jihyo. “Missed me?”

Momo hugs back with one arm. “You don’t know how much.”

“Unnie, sorry to bother but these are really heavy.” Chaeyoung speaks.

“Sorry,” Jihyo looks at Momo at shoulder length. “Come in, everybody’s here.”

Jihyo takes whatever Momo is holding. Momo walks to the foyer. Jihyo greets Mina and Chaeyoung, Jeongyeon and Nayeon. Momo hears Jeongyeon say _ “Nayeon bought wine”  _ and Jihyo replies with an  _ “as she should”. _

Momo doesn’t move.

“They won’t bite.” Jihyo whispers to her, tapping her shoulder. “They’re in the living room.”

Momo nods. Mina and Chaeyoung go in first, followed by Nayeon and Jeongyeon. Momo is stuck on the floor for two seconds before Nayeon says  _ “do you want me to carry your heavy ass?” _

Momo takes a few deep breaths and forces her feet to move.

She could hear the music playing. It’s old. It’s Korean. It’s mellow. It’s good.  _ This is good _ , Momo says to herself.

Before she could think of anything else, she sees a woman with a tall figure. Momo can’t believe it.

“Oh my god, unnie!” The way she turns around to meet Momo’s eyes was like a scene from a movie. Tzuyu runs to Momo and embraces her tight.

“Did you actually get taller?” Momo is suffocated by the smell of flowers and something baking.

Tzuyu sniffles. “I missed you… Where have you been?”

Tzuyu is still hugging her. Momo wants to turn back time and tell Tzuyu that she will just be in Japan. That she will be okay. That she just needs time for herself. That she doesn’t need to worry.

“Hey, I’m here now.” Momo wipes Tzuyu’s tear that fell on her cheek. “You’ve gotten even more beautiful, Tzuyu-ah.”

Tzuyu smiles and hugs her again. “Thank you. For being here.”

Tzuyu steps aside and Momo sees the girls all gathered around the living room. There are still two people she hasn’t seen. One of them is coming towards her right now.

Momo wants the ground to eat her up.

“Is that really you?” Dahyun’s steps are slow, like she’s afraid.

“Can’t get any realer than this, Dubu.” Momo inevitably smiles and opens her arms. “Hug me, please?”

Dahyun runs to her in tears. She fits just right with Momo.

“Shh, please don’t cry.” Momo buries her head in Dahyun’s hair. “We’re okay, Dahyun-ah.”

“I looked for you, unnie.” Dahyun sobs. “I was so scared. I looked for you everywhere but you were gone. I was so scared.”

Momo feels like she got hit by a truck. She was so scared of meeting the girls,  _ her girls, _ before coming here. It didn’t occur to her that they are scared and nervous of seeing her, too. That they were scared like she was back then.

God, Momo feels so stupid.

“It’s okay. I’m here,” Momo assures her. “I’m here.”

All the girls are looking at the scene. Only Dahyun’s sobs are heard for a while. The mood is heavy, but nonetheless warm.

Nayeon finally breaks the silence. “Okay, that’s enough drama. I’m so hungry.” 

Momo ruffles Dahyun’s hair and giggles. “Shall we?”

Dahyun nods and finally smiles at her. Momo holds her hand. The kitchen door opens.

\---

It’s cinematic.

Sana is walking towards her and there is nothing else but Momo’s heartbeat. And then Sana is so close that there is nothing else but  _ Sana Sana Sana _ .

It sounds just like Momo’s heartbeat.

Sana is in a Balenciaga shirt. Sana is in her favorite pair of jeans. Sana smells like cotton candy.

Sana invades her space. Sana closes the gap. Sana wraps her arms around Momo. The latter doesn’t move. Her lungs give out. Sana’s hair is pink.

_ Sana Sana Sana _

Momo didn’t notice that she was holding her breath until she exhales a shaky one. The embrace felt too long that when Sana pulled back, Momo can’t feel the ground. Sana’s face is too close. Momo just stares.

Everything happened too slow and too fast. Now Sana’s arms are loosely around Momo. She’s staring at Momo, digging into what happened the last three years. She’s tugging on Momo’s heartstrings. And she’s not even aware of it.

Sana touches her cheek. She takes in  _ all _ of Momo. Her eyes are big and brown and teary. But Momo  _ can’t _ figure out what they are saying.

Sana looks at everybody like this.

Sana smiles. Momo malfunctions.

“Hi.” Sana whispers.

“Hi.” Momo whispers back.

Momo needs to hold onto something. She might collapse. So she holds onto Sana’s hips. Sana doesn’t tense up.

In fact, Sana melts into Momo even more.

Sana should stop playing with the little hairs on Momo’s nape. But she doesn’t.

“Are you just gonna stare at each other like this or are we gonna eat?” Not even Jihyo can take them out of their bubble.

When there was no reply, Nayeon says “Okay, well… Seeing that  _ we all _ really missed each other, why don’t we talk over dinner? Hm?”

Sana doesn’t tear her eyes away from Momo. Momo doesn’t either. But Sana nods. And Momo nods. And they agree.

_ I missed you _ .

_ I missed you, too. _

The leaves on the tree in front of Momo’s house start to wither. Soon, the Sakura will start to bloom.


	9. i don't know what to do

Sana clings onto Momo the whole night like her life is on the line.

It's not physically being proximal to Momo. They are already too close for Momo's comfort.

What Sana wants is to simply just _be there._ Momo is here. And, for Sana, this is too surreal.

Because it's been three years.

So much has happened in three years.

Momo wasn't here. Now Momo is here.

Momo is here.

Momo is here.

So Sana tries.

Tries to look at Momo. Tries to spark a conversation. Tries to pretend the past three years did not happen.

Mina doesn’t know what to feel about it. She only knows what to do.

\---

Exhibit A. When they entered the dining room, Sana wanted to sit beside Momo. Mina beat her to it.

Momo partly thanks her, partly disappointed. But she won’t tell Mina that.

Exhibit B. When Jihyo opened the wine, Sana volunteered to pour it in Momo’s glass. No one contradicted but Mina, saying,  _ “it’s okay, I got it.” _

Momo notices. Momo notices that Sana notices.

Momo knows that Mina knows they both notice.

It's okay, Momo thinks. Mina is their best friend. Mina knows what's best for Sana.

It's not this push and pull.

And it continues through the night - Mina pulling Momo away from Sana. And Sana pushing herself onto Momo.

But it's not just Sana that Mina is trying to stop. It was never one-sided.

When they were choosing movies, Tzuyu picked horror. Dahyun said  _ “you can just ask if you want to cuddle.”  _ And Momo should have been shocked by this statement, but she wasn’t. Dahyun has loved Tzuyu ever since.

“Nobody dare make-out on my couch.” Jihyo warns.

Nayeon snuggles closer to Jeongyeon. Jihyo narrows her eyes.

Chaeyoung is deprived. But that's okay. She knows what Mina is doing. And what Mina is doing is for the best.

Mina focuses on Momo whose eyes are burning into Sana’s ring.

Mina leans into Momo and holds Chaeyoung’s hand, just so she is fair to her best friend  _ and _ to her girlfriend.

And just so Sana would not be able to sit beside Momo.

Because Momo is already entrapped in Sana's space, though they are meters apart.

And though it might be _completely obvious_ to the other girls, Sana is _absolutely oblivious_ as to how Momo is slowly taking off Sana's ring in her imagination.

One does not need to ask Momo if this assumption is real or not. She will just deny it, anyway.

But, apart from Sana, the girls know. The girls know. The girls know.

Because when the light hits the ring just right, it sparkles and it blinds whoever is looking.

It’s pretty and fits so well.

It looks like it belongs there.

Like it was customized, made for the wearer.

Made for Sana.

No one talks about it.

\---

Seeing Mina cuddle into Momo, Sana chooses to lie on Jihyo’s lap. She's holding a glass of wine.

Must’ve been her third glass or whatever. Not that Momo was counting.


	10. crazy love

She could just stay here in the bathroom. Yeah, right. She should. Everybody’s asleep now anyway. No one would notice.

Momo looks at herself in the mirror.  _ You have to stop staring at her. _ She curses herself.  _ You have to quit being such a child. _

Someone knocks.

“Just a minute!” Momo washes her face. To hell with her make-up. She needs to refresh. “Am almost done.”

Momo wipes and covers her face with a paper towel and opens the door. “Sorry, I was just-”

She was suddenly pushed inside.

“What the fuck-” A finger was on her lips, shushing her.

There were giggles. Momo removed the paper towel from her face.

Sana was in front of her. Giggling. In the bathroom. With her.

It’s suffocating.

Momo thinks this is how she dies.

_ Sana Sana Sana _

“Shhh, Momoring…” Sana whispers. “Be quiet.”

“What are you doing?”

“Shh.” Sana giggles again. And the scene would have been cute if it weren’t for the smell of wine.

_ She’s drunk. _

“You’re drunk.” Momo says out loud. “Like, out-of-your-mind drunk.”

“Well, yes, I am rather drunk.” Sana is still whispering. She points to her temple. Her ring is shining so bright that Momo forces herself to look at the ceiling. “But I am in the right mind.”

Momo tries to push herself off the wall but Sana pushes her back to it, and hard.

“My mind is perfectly fine, _Momoring_.” Sana sings while she traces Momo’s jawline with her finger. Momo melts into it.

Momo shakes her head.  _ She’s getting married. _

“You’re getting married.” Momo blurts out.

“Yes.” Sana’s breath hits Momo’s lips. She’s too close. It’s intoxicating.

Sana’s hooded eyes are focused on Momo’s lips and Momo is damn right losing it.

“Stop it.” Momo pushes herself off the wall again. But Sana is stronger. Or maybe Momo is just weak for Sana. “ _ Sana _ , stop-”

It’s soft, you know?

Sana leaned in so fast that it should have been rough. But it wasn’t. Her hands were lightly laid on Momo’s chest.

When her lips met Momo’s, it wasn’t tongue and teeth. Unlike their last kiss, it didn't include Sana’s desires and confusion.

It was just sweet. And lovely. And all things Sana.

_ Sana Sana Sana _

Maybe it was the wine. Momo’s hands go to Sana’s hips, like instinct. Sana cups Momo’s face and turns her head to the side. She protrudes her tongue, asking for entrance.

Momo lets her in.

_ She’s getting married. _

_ She’s getting married. _

_ She’s getting married. _

Sana breaks the kiss. Doesn’t open her eyes. Still cupping Momo’s face. Her forehead on Momo’s. “I can hear your thoughts.”

Momo is breathing heavily. They both are.

“Please stop thinking.” Sana flutters her eyes open.

_ She’s drunk. _

“Please.” Sana closes her eyes and leans in again but Momo turns her head to the side. Sana’s lips fall on Momo’s cheek.

They don’t look at each other. But Momo can see them from the mirror. What position they are in. How hard Sana and her are breathing even if the kiss only lasted for a few seconds. How Sana’s head rightly fits in the space between her neck and her chest. How Sana’s body completes hers, like a missing puzzle piece.

Sana sighs. Doesn’t open her eyes. Still cupping Momo’s face. Her breath shakes. Forehead now on Momo’s temple. Momo still holding her close. Sana kisses her cheek.

“I’m sorry.” Sana kisses her cheek again. “I’m sorry.”

And again. “I’m so sorry.”

She kisses the side of Momo’s head. “So, so sorry.”

“I’m so fucking sorry.” She leaves a long kiss on Momo’s temple. Sana is sobbing.

Her hands go to Momo’s hair. She kisses Momo’s forehead. “I’m sorry for what happened.”

She touches Momo’s eyebrows with her fingertips. And she kisses them, too. “I’m sorry, Momo.”

She kisses Momo’s eyelids. “Believe me.”

“ _ Please _ ,” Sana’s sobs turn into shaking, cold hands, and so much tears. “I’m so  _ fucking _ sorry.”

She kisses even the tip of Momo’s nose. “Listen to me,  _ please _ .”

She cups Momo’s face. “I need you to believe me.” Sana whispers. “You have to believe me, baby.” Her eyes open. She looks into Momo's eyes and repeats. “Please.”

“I’m so sorry.” Sana reaches Momo’s lips.

Momo lets her.

_ She’s drunk. _

Lets her apologize. Lets her kiss both of their tears away. Lets herself take in what was left of their past.

_ Sana Sana Sana _

Momo lets her in.

_ She’s getting married. _


	11. love you, hate, foolish

Sana doesn’t move. Her lips on Momo’s. She’s breathing calmly. Momo’s eyes open.

Sana’s head falls on Momo’s shoulder. Sana is sleeping. And soundly.

If Momo wasn’t holding her, she would have fallen.

_ Momo needs someone to hold her, too. _

It’s peaceful like this. Momo wants to stay here, in the bathroom, with Sana in her arms.

As if those three years didn’t happen.

But it’s not real.

The ring is sparkling like it came straight from a star.

It’s a ring that Sana deserves.

Momo thought things were getting better.

\---

**The first truth.** Momo first went to Korea because of her dreams.

  
  


She carries Sana out of the bathroom, bridal style. The girl became lighter.

Momo wants to know what happened to Sana. What happened to the group. What happened to herself. The questions hang in the air. That is where she wants them to be.

The rest of the girls were sound asleep in the living room. Apart from one. Momo doesn’t notice.

She was planning to take Sana to the bedroom upstairs but a voice stopped her in her tracks.

“You know where the bedroom is, right?”

“Jesus, Jihyo, I almost dropped her.”

“Please, you would never.” Jihyo smirks.

“Yeah, yeah.” Momo rolls her eyes.

“2nd door to the right.” Jihyo looks at Sana. “Tell me she didn’t do anything reckless? You were in there for a while.”

“What-what do you mean? Of course not.”

“You were never a good liar.”

Momo sighs. “Let me just tuck her in.”

“Do we need hot chocolate?”

“With marshmallows.”

\---

**The second truth.** Momo stayed in Korea because she fell in love.

With her dreams.

With dancing.

With music.

With the hustle and bustle of their work.

With the group. With the girls.

_ With Sana. _

  
  


Momo puts her down on the bed. Sana looks peaceful. She puts away Sana’s baby hair. Momo missed looking at her. Seeing her,  _ touching _ her.

“I forgive you.” Momo kisses her forehead. “Please forgive me, too.”

_ It’s only been three years. _

“How are you getting married already?”

She looks at Sana one last time and turns off the bedside lamp. The question, lingering above and between them still.

\---

**The third truth. ** Momo left Korea because of many things.

Because of her dreams.

Because of dancing.

Because of the music.

Because of the hustle and bustle of their work.

Because of the group. Because of the girls.

_ Because of Sana. _

  
  


Momo tiptoes her way to the kitchen. Passing the living room, she saw all the girls snuggling into each other. It makes her heart soar. She loves them all so much.

“Hey,” Jihyo hands her a mug.

Momo takes it. “Thank you.”

And she means it.

Dahyun twists on the couch and hugs Tzuyu tighter. Tzuyu hums in her sleep.

“Aren’t they disgustingly cute?”

Nayeon’s legs are sprawled all over Jeongyeon. Chaeyoung is wrapped in Mina’s embrace.

Momo smiles. “Yeah. They seem happy.”

_ This _ is enough.

“You should be happy, too.”

Momo looks at Jihyo. She’s smiling fondly at the girls in front of them.

Momo hopes that she could love the group just like how Jihyo does.

“We all missed you.” Jihyo brings the mug to her lips. “It wasn’t the same.”

“I’m sorry, Ji.” Momo looks down. The marshmallows are melting.

“You don’t have to, you know? Say sorry,” Jihyo side smiles. “You’re home now.”

There’s a tear.

“We’re nine again.”

Her shoulder shakes.

“We are your girls, Momo.”

She’s tired of keeping it in.

“You’re here now.”

Jihyo holds her until the heaviness turned into slumber.

Momo dreamt of leaves. Nothing but falling leaves.

\---

**The fourth truth. ** Momo went back to Korea because of one thing.

  
  


There’s wetness. On her cheeks.

“Kookeu, stop molesting her.” Momo wakes up with a smile on her face. She wipes the sleep off of her eyes. Also wipes off Kookeu’s saliva.

“Sorry,” Nayeon picks up the little dog. “Guess he missed you, too.”

“Nooo,” Momo whines, extending her arms. “Give him back.”

Nayeon lets the dog run to Momo.

“Hello, Kookeu.” Momo kisses the top of his head. “How have you been? Who gave you treats while I was away, hm?”

Nayeon grabs a phone on the counter and takes a picture of the scene.

“Breakfast is ready!” Jeongyeon shouts from the kitchen.

\---

**The fifth truth.** Momo will leave Korea again.

  
  


Everyone gathers around and takes their seat.

Now  _ this, _ this is what Momo missed. The breakfast. The talking.

“How are there even exactly nine chairs, unnie?” Tzuyu asks. She puts sugar in Dahyun’s cup of coffee. She whispers  _ “do you want your cream today or no?” _ and Dahyun shakes her head.

Jihyo shrugs. “Figured you guys would like it like that.”

Nayeon sits on Jeongyeon’s lap and takes her girlfriend’s wrist, silently asking Jeongyeon to wrap her arms around her. Nayeon’s back is on Jeongyeon’s front, her head on Jeongyeon’s shoulder.

“Or maybe not?” Jihyo secretly loves Nayeon and Jeongyeon like this.  _ Secretly _ .

“Nine. Just like the old times.” Momo says out loud. Everyone looks at her. Even Nayeon slightly opens her eyes. Momo stops slicing her food midway. “What?”

“Just like the old times.” Mina smiles. Momo does, too. Everyone does.

They were eating breakfast together. It’s warm.

“Where’s Sana?” Jeongyeon suddenly asks. Momo chokes on her orange juice.

“You okay?” Chaeyoung rubs Momo’s back. Momo nods, still coughing.

“She’s probably still sleeping.” Jihyo says as she bites on her apple.

“Where did she sleep?” Jeongyeon asks and shakes her head when Nayeon offered her a forkful of pancake.

“Upstairs.”

“Your bedroom?”

“Yes.”

“How did that happen?”

“Don’t know.”

“Who brought her there?” Jeongyeon inquires again. Momo’s palms are sweating.

“Momo.” And everyone turns their heads to her.

“Yeah.” Momo wipes her palms on her pajamas. “What about it?”

“You talked?” Mina eyes her.

“N-no.”

“Why are you stuttering?” Nayeon asks. Dahyun just looks at them, chewing her food. It’s quite funny to her.

“Why do you have so many questions?” Momo huffs and furrows her brows.

“We just worry.” Mina is still looking at her.

“I can see that, but why?” Momo says, slightly annoyed. Momo has been on edge these days.

“Momo, because it’s  _ Sana- _ ”

Just then, someone enters the kitchen.

“What’s Sana?”

Everyone looks to where the voice came from.

Sana is wearing an oversized shirt. Her pink hair in a mess. Her lips supple. She runs her hand through her hair and yawns. She stretches. The shirt goes up a bit.

Momo is on her knees.

All eyes are on Sana. Then on Momo. Then on Sana. Then on Momo. Sana doesn’t notice. Because her eyes are on Momo. And Momo’s are on Sana.

No one dares to say it out loud.

“What?” Sana questions while sitting down beside Momo, the only free seat around the table. She crosses her legs, revealing her pearl-white skin. She takes a bite of Jihyo’s apple. Some juice trickles down the side of her mouth.

She’s illegal.

And then everyone shifts their eyes to Momo.

“Hm?” Momo widens her eyes and turns to Sana. “I didn’t do shit.”

Sana scrunches her nose at Momo and giggles softly. Momo’s heart does a flip.

“Alright, what the fuck happened last night?” Nayeon puts down her fork.

“What happened last night?” Sana asks Nayeon.

“You tell me.” Nayeon shrugs. Jeongyeon wraps her arms around her. “You drank all the wine.”

“I did?” Sana’s eyes are brown and innocent.

“The fact that you don’t even remember is scary enough.”

“Did I do anything last night?” Sana turns to Momo.

“The fact that you are looking at Momo  _ is _ scary enough.” Nayeon counters. She can become protective of Momo.

Momo gulps. “H-Huh?”

“Stop fucking stuttering, Hirai.”

“Language.” Jihyo shuts everybody up. “Nothing happened. I was awake. Sana got drunk. She was sleeping on my lap. Momo took her to my room. She went down again and we had hot chocolate.”

“_Woah, woah, woah._ You had hot choco without us?” Chaeyoung asks. Dahyun nods in agreement. “And she got to use your bed, too?”

Tzuyu smiles. They’re still kids.

“ _ Duh _ . It’s Sana’s Jihyo for a reason.” Sana smiles smugly. The earlier conversation forgotten.

Five year olds.

Breakfast went easy after that.

Except for the times when Nayeon looks between Momo and Sana, suspecting.

Except for the times when Mina glances at Momo and Sana, and wishes they would just  _ stop  _ lying.

Except for the times when Momo’s brain short-circuits because Sana’s thigh brushes on hers. 

Momo decides that if this is how she dies, at least she had a good breakfast.

\---

“Isn’t it too early for truth or dare?” Mina asks everyone. “Aren’t we too sober for this?”

They were in a circle and it’s nostalgic. They used to play like this back then. Momo thanks the heavens when Sana puts on her pajamas.

"Aren't we too old for this?" Tzuyu is the most mature among them. It's true.

“Not for Nayeon.” Jeongyeon snickers. “She’s a 16 year old fuckboy in a 30 year old body.”

Nayeon hits her arm. Jeongyeon rubs it. “First of all, you love this body.”

Tzuyu rolls her eyes. Momo fake gags.

“Well, I’m excited!” Sana chirps. “I missed playing with everyone.”

Before anything happens, Jihyo and Dahyun come out of the kitchen holding a candle-lit cake. Dahyun was singing the birthday song. Everyone stands up and claps in tune with the song.

“Happy anniversary to us!” Dahyun’s smile can light up the whole South Korea.

There were shouts and cheers.

“Aww, I love you guys.” Chaeyoung says out of the blue.

Someone initiates a group hug. Jeongyeon kisses Dahyun’s head. Chaeyoung’s. Jihyo’s. And then everyone is kissing everyone.

Momo just closes her eyes. Someone put icing on her nose. She hears Mina giggle.

“ _ Wah, _ I really missed this.” Sana was hugging Jihyo. She kisses her temple.

“Okay, enough sappy talk. Let’s eat this cake and sit down. We’re playing truth or dare.” Nayeon announces. “I ain’t forget.”

Jeongyeon grunts.

\---

“I dare you to tell Nayeon-unnie what you hate most about her.” Tzuyu says challengingly to Jeongyeon.

“That’s too easy.” Jeongyeon straightens her back. “I hate it when you become super charming that the other guys can’t help but swoon. Oh, I also hate the fact that you can’t detect when I’m jealous.”

“Aww, my little baby.” Nayeon coos. She kisses Jeongyeon’s cheek and talks cutely. “My jealous little baby.”

“I swear I didn’t mean for it to go this way.” Tzuyu laughs but secretly finds them cute nonetheless. She covers Dahyun’s eyes, pretending she’s sick of the two.

They turn the bottle (the used wine bottle from last night). It points to Chaeyoung.

“ _ Chaengchaengchaeng! _ ” Dahyun shouts. “Truth or Dare?”

“Truth.” Chaeyoung smirks at Dahyun.

“That’s lame.” Dahyun sits back. “I don’t know what to ask you. I know everything.”

Sana chimes in and raises her hand. “I have a question! I have a question!”

Tzuyu shakes her head. Did she say five year olds? She meant three. Sana is a baby.

“When will you propose to our Mi-tan?”

There were  _ oohs  _ from the girls.

Mina just looks at Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung holds her hand. They know the answer to this.

“We’ve talked about it.” Chaeyoung starts. “Little conversations pop up sometimes. But marriage isn’t easy, Sana-unnie. We have to be ready.”

The members, especially Sana, didn’t expect them to answer so seriously. They were just playing.

Everyone is listening closely.

“We were young when we met. We still are, I think.” Chaeyoung looks down at their intertwined hands. “We have a lot to experience together. I guess we’re just waiting for the right time.”

Jihyo almost tears up.  _ Look at how mature they are _ , she thinks.

“Marriage won’t be easy.” Chaeyoung is looking at Mina now. She loves her with all her soul. “But it sure is easy to love you.”

Sana just stares at them.

“We’ll know it when we get there. I am sure of you.” Chaeyoung states. She looks around the circle. “I know she’s sure of me. She’s the love of my life.”

Nayeon leans on Jeongyeon’s shoulder.

“But we  _ need _ time. Proposals are a yes or no question, but it holds something  _ way _ beyond a yes or a no. It’s our whole lives we’re talking about.” Chaeyoung loosens her grip on Mina, playing with her fingers. “ _ Timing _ matters.”

Sana meets Chaeyoung’s gaze.

“You of all people must know this. _Right,_ _Sana-unnie_?”

All eyes are now directed to the girl in question.

It was silent.

“Yeah,” Sana clears her throat. “Of course.”

Sana looks down at her hand. Her ring.

No one talks about it.

“That was beautiful, Chaengie.” Momo ruffles her hair. “You’ve grown so much.”

“Minari helped a lot with that, too.” Chaeyoung starts again. “We grew up together and I’m thankful for that.”

“Turn the bottle!” Jeongyeon ruins the moment. “We’re getting emo and I don’t like it anymore.”

“You better have a long speech for your proposal, too, Yoo Jeongyeon.” Nayeon puts her chin on Jeongyeon’s shoulder and pouts.

“Can we stop talking about marriage now?” Jihyo says. She’s noticed Sana grew quiet.

She turns the bottle. It points to Sana.

“Truth or Dare?” Nayeon asks.

“Truth.”

“Good.” Nayeon says.

Momo is nervous.

“Are you really ready to get married to that arrogant son of a bitch or do we need to cut his dick off for you to realize that he’s not for you?” Nayeon says in one breath.

“I said let’s stop talking about marriage.” Jihyo interrupts.

“It’s okay.” Sana gives a tight-lipped smile to Jihyo. She turns to Nayeon. “He’a a good man and he’s good for me.”

“Bullshit.”

“You don’t even know him.”

“Well, you never brought him anywhere near us.” Nayeon says as a matter-of-fact.

“I did. But you didn’t even take a second look.” Sana’s voice is soft.

“Sorry if I can’t be in the same space with that man?” Nayeon says sarcastically. “Can’t stand his attitude.”

Momo is now curious of what he is like. _He_ doesn’t even have a name.

Sana feels small. Under Nayeon’s gaze. Under everyone’s gaze. Under Momo’s.

“I didn’t bring him back because I knew you’d act like this.”

“Like what?”

“Like you know what’s right for me… like you know  _ who’s  _ right for me.”

“Don’t we?” Nayeon softens. “Don’t we know who’s right for you?”

“Tell me who it is.” Sana challenges.

Nayeon takes a deep breath and glances at Momo for a moment. Momo doesn’t meet her eyes.

“Tell me, then.” Sana shrugs and repeats. “Tell me who it is.”

It’s a stare-down between her and Nayeon.

“It’s Momo, isn’t it?” Sana asks. “You think Momo’s the right one for me.”

Everyone but Nayeon has their heads down. Mina is just staring at them back and forth.

Momo doesn’t want to be there.

“Well, is it?” Sana asks again. “‘Cause I thought we were over this talk.”

“There was a talk?” Momo questions. Sana decides it’s time for Momo to know.

“Yeah. When you left for Japan,” She begins to tell. “we all gathered around. Like this.”

Sana gestures to the circle they have made.

“It was months after you left. After we looked everywhere for you.” Sana is going to be really honest about this. “It was when we felt like we can’t continue as a group anymore.”

“We talked about what we wanted to happen next.” Sana says. “We talked about our plans. The group. The lingering hiatus we were all trying to ignore. The issues.”

Momo feels sorry.

“We talked about us.”

Sana looks at Momo.

“We talked about  _ Sana and Momo _ .”

Sana looks around the circle.

“Didn’t we?”

Sana lets out a shaky breath.

“You leaving affected all of us.”

Momo knows this.

“All of  _ me _ .”

That one, Momo didn’t know.

“That’s enough.” Jihyo looks around. “We’re okay now. Let’s not-”

“ _ They’re _ not okay. Let her talk.” Nayeon interrupts. “We had this three years ago without Momo. She was gone three years. Let her hear all of it.”

“Let us at least leave them alone.” Jihyo says, already standing up. “Now.”

No one stands up.

“Go upstairs.” She says sternly.

Everyone follows. Jihyo can rule the world one day.

The girls pass by them. Momo has her head down. Sana only looks at Momo. When they are all gone, Sana starts again.

“I was devastated, Momo.”

(The other girls feel like they shouldn’t be listening, but they are. Their ears were stuck to the conversation.)

“I…” Sana closes her eyes tightly. She rubs her temples. “I realized something when you left. Mina was the first one I confided in. The only one, I think. The rest of the girls knew, anyway.”

The quiet beating of Momo’s heart. That’s the only thing between them.

“But now it seems like Mina is mad at me, too.” Sana smiles softly. “I understand though. Two of her best friends hurt each other.”

(Mina’s eyes are teary.)

“What was it? What you realized.” Momo dares to ask.

“Don’t make me say it.” Sana looks at her. And Momo still doesn’t know what her eyes are saying.

“What?”

Sana shakes her head, looking down at her hands, smiling.

“What is it.” A ton of bricks fall on Momo.

“We were just too young, I guess.” Sana sniffles. She may or may not be crying. Who knows.

“We were in our twenties.” Momo says as a matter-of-fact.

“Yeah.” Sana wipes a tear from her cheek. “Yeah, we were.”

(Jihyo tells the girls to go inside the room. Nayeon, Jeongyeon, and Mina stay behind.)

"I was only gone three years."

“Three years is a long time, Momo.”

_ I’m so fucking sorry. _

“You could have come to me.” Momo isn’t mad.

“I did.” Sana goes closer to Momo. “I did go to you. I searched  _ everywhere _ .”

_ Listen to me, please. _

Momo’s heart tightens.

“And I did find you. I did.” Sana’s eyes are pleading.

_ I need you to believe me. _

“But you were dancing and you looked happy and your family said I shouldn’t bother anymore.”

_ You have to believe me, baby. Please. _

Momo lets out a shaky breath. Breathes in deeply. Wipes her tears with the back of her hand. This shit sucks.

“Okay. Can we stop now?” Momo shifts farther from Sana. She needs the space.

“Listen to me first?” Sana begs.

“What else do I need to know? Ever since I came back here, all I received were sad news.”

“I’m getting married, Momo.”

Sana looks at her. And  _ fuck,  _ when will she ever figure out what those eyes are saying?

“No shit.”

“He’s a good man.”

(He’s just pretentious. Nayeon and Mina know this.)

Momo is listening. She doesn’t want to. But she is.

That’s how it always goes with Sana.

“He’s lovely and nice.” Sana adds.

(Mina wants to vomit. He isn’t ‘lovely and nice’. Okay, maybe he’s rich, smart, and all things cool. But he’s stupid and arrogant, like what Nayeon said.)

“He’s proud of his wits, but that’s just how he is.”

(Nayeon rolls her eyes. Yeah, too proud of his wits. Sometimes even too proud that his girlfriend is from the biggest girl group in the world. It makes Sana look like a trophy.)

“He’s a good man.” Sana reiterates. “But considering that Nayeon-unnie didn’t like him, maybe you wouldn’t, too.”

(“Sure of it.” Nayeon whispers to Jeongyeon. “100%”

“What are you guys? Ten?” Jihyo scolds them in a whisper. “Get in the room. We’ll have a talk, too.”)

Sana moves even closer. Momo stays still.

“Momo-yah.” Sana calls. “Can you look at me?”

Sana takes Momo’s hand. She looks at them. Their hands fit.

“I’m sorry.” Those same words from last night are still stuck in Momo’s head that she doesn’t know if Sana really said it or not during their current conversation. Momo feels dizzy.

“Can you stop saying that, please?” Momo rubs her temple. She’s getting really sick.

“When did I say it?”

_ Last night. _

“Should’ve known.” Momo says quietly. “It’s okay, Sana.”

“Define okay.”

_ I was drunk. _

“I can never get mad at you.” Momo tells her honestly. “Even if I wanted to.”

_ I kissed you. _

“How are you so kind to me?” Sana plays with her fingers. Momo is hurting. “I was the one always in the wrong.”

_ I was in my right mind. _

“I regret not telling you things back then. I don’t deserve your forgiveness.” Sana traces the lines on Momo’s palm. “I don’t know if we can still become good friends but... I need you in my life, Momo.”

_Fuck you,_ _Sana_.

“Will we ever be okay again?” Sana asks softly.

_ You never deserved Momo. _

“I'll work on it.” Momo tries to smile at her. It looks so genuine that Sana’s heart breaks.

_ You’re getting married, you lying, selfish fuck. _

“We’ll work on it.”

Sana wants to scream.

\---

**The sixth truth.** Momo is not over Sana.


	12. make me feel so high

_ “They were just getting to the good part!” Nayeon is being pulled by Jihyo into the room. _

_ “Shut up! They might hear us.” Jihyo shushes her. _

_ “So what’s your plan, Park?” Jeongyeon puts her hands on her hips. “The whole gang is here.” _

_ Chaeyoung feels like she’s eighteen again. _

_ “We make them realize it.” _

_ “Realize what?” Dahyun says from the bed. “Please don’t tell me we’ll stop the marriage.” _

_ “We will stop the marriage.” _

_ Nayeon puts her arms around Jihyo’s shoulders. “That’s more I like it.” _

_ “Aren’t we, like, too old for this?” Tzuyu is just looking at her unnies. “Can we plan something more appropriate or..” _

_ “Momo will not get anywhere without our help. And Sana is too caught up in that wedding ring.” Nayeon sighs. “We won’t do any harm, I promise.” _

_ “Yeah,” Chaeyoung starts. “If one of them gets hurt again, I won’t be able to forgive myself.” _

_ “They’re hurting each other by not admitting their feelings.” Jihyo walks to the bed, sitting beside Dahyun. “It’s been years, for heaven’s sake. I’m tired of watching them like this.” _

_ “We won’t just sit back and watch this time.” Mina surprisingly agrees to this. “I’ve done my part of being their secrets’ keeper.” _

_ “We’ve all done our part on keeping quiet.” Jihyo says. _

_ Nayeon nods. _

_ “Just know that both Momo and Sana are trying to tell themselves that they are over each other.” Mina concludes. “It’s annoying.” _

_ “That’s not true, right?” Tzuyu asks. “Let’s just make that clear.” _

_ “Do you see how they look at each other?” Nayeon replies. “It’s sickening.” _

_ “Momo will only be here for two weeks.” Jeongyeon counts. “And Sana for three.” _

_ “And then New York and Japan would go their separate ways again.” Nayeon adds. “So is everybody in or not?” _

_ “Wait.” Dahyun chimes in. “How do we do this again?” _

_ Nayeon looks at Jihyo and smirks. _

_ “We know a few ways.” _


	13. make me so bad

“Can we come in?” Momo knocks softly on Jihyo’s door. “Sana and I are done talking.”

The lock clicks.

“I was beginning to get suffocated with all these kids in here.” Jihyo fakes. She sees Momo and Sana’s faces first and then looks down at their intwertwined hands.

Jihyo almost rolls her eyes.  _ Please just tell each other that you’re in love so we don’t have to push your heads together. _

Momo enters the room, Sana on her tail.

“What were you guys talking about?” Momo asks and sits on Jihyo’s bed. Sana follows.

“What did  _ you  _ two talk about?” Nayeon teases. “Finally confessed your undying love for each other?”

Sana and Momo look at each other. Look down on their hands. It fits. They hide their smiles.

“We’re good friends now.”

_ Bullshit _ . All the girls say in their heads.  _ Complete and utter bullshit. _

“We’re okay. We’re friends.” They were still looking at each other with such loving eyes that Nayeon can’t help but counter.

“Sure.” 

  
Sana and Momo are unaware that they are already making it  _ so _ much easier for the seven girls watching them.


	14. it's weird

_ "Hawaii? _ ” Momo almost chokes on the beer. “Are you just drunk or is this real?”

“We already booked tickets.” Nayeon drinks from the glass. All the tension from earlier dissipated when she brought out the alcohol_. _“_Ah. _Don’t you just feel younger when drinking soju?”

“Never liked it.” Sana replies. “Sake is better. Right, Momoring?”

Momo nods. Shakes her head. They were talking about a trip just a moment ago.

“Wait,” Momo starts again. “Why is everyone dismissing the topic earlier?”

“Too drunk to understand.” Mina says in a soft voice. “Hawaii is nice. Don’t see why we shouldn’t go.”

“ _ Can I go where you go? _ ” Chaeyoung sings into Mina’s ear. “ _ Can we always be this close? _ ” 

Mina giggles and kisses the tip of her girlfriend’s nose. “ _ Forever and ever. _ ”

“Love is overrated.” Jihyo takes a shot. “But I love love.”

“And I love kisses.” Nayeon grabs Jeongyeon’s face and smooches her.

“Unnie, that’s nasty!” Tzuyu throws a barbecue stick at them. 

They are in Jihyo’s garden. Sitting on a huge mat. It’s almost nighttime. The sun is setting beautifully over the horizon. They did nothing but talk and play games all day.

“How many days would we be there?” Momo asks, still fixated on the spontaneous plan. Is she the only one worrying? “The spontaneity is insane. I didn’t even pack anything aside from jogger pants.”

Nayeon lets Jeongyeon lie on her lap. She plays with her hair.

“We can go shopping.” Mina says. Chaeyoung sits up abruptly.  _ “I’d love that!” _

“I forgot y’all are rich as fuck.” Momo says, defeated. Sana puts her hand on Momo’s thigh. It sends a shiver down Momo’s spine. It’s better to ignore it.

“Only Minari.” Chaeyoung says incoherently. “And maybe Nayeon-unnie. She’s, like, a star. I write songs here and there and everywhere. Sana-unnie is famous, too. She’ll shop for you. Also Jihyo-unnie. She’s  _ mega-rich _ .  _ Oh _ , Tzuyu, too. She models a lot. Dahyunnie produces and composes along with Jeongyeon-unnie. So maybe they also got bags. Do you got  _ lotzz  _ of dollars,  _ bro _ ?”

Dahyun giggles. Her elbows falls on Tzuyu’s arm. The latter lying on her side, facing Mina and Chaeyoung. Imagine that. It’s a mess of limbs on this mat.

Dahyun reaches for Chaeyoung, holding out her fist. They bump them together. “I got them,  _ bro. _ ”

“I got them, too!” Sana chirps and joins the fist bump. “I got ‘em  _ dollaz _ , too,  _ bro _ !”

Momo ignores her clenching heart. The wind hurls. She imagines Japan. The Sakuras will show up soon.

“Your alcohol tolerance is still too low for my level.” Jihyo shakes her head as she takes another shot.

“Take a shot whenever Momo glances at Sana.” Nayeon says drunkenly. “You’ll get drunk in no time.”

Momo freezes. She looks at Sana.

Sana is now lying on Chaeyoung’s tummy. Dahyun and Tzuyu are snuggled into each other. “I heard my name!”

“Yeah, I said it.” Nayeon raises her hand like a toddler would. “I did.”

“Im Nayeon is secretly in love with me.” Sana laughs and tries to lift Chaeyoung’s hoodie.  _ “It tickles, Sana-unnie!” _

“I’m not in love with you. Maybe Momo is.” Nayeon replies. She’s _ sooo _ dizzy. “I’m sure she is.”

Sana extends her arms to Momo, like a child wanting to be carried. “Is it true, then?”

“What’s true?”

“That you’re in love with me.” Sana’s eyes soften. They are glazed and intoxicated, but nonetheless captivating.

Momo pulls both of Sana’s extended arms and lets her sit up. Their knees meet. Chaeyoung is fast asleep on Mina’s lap.

“Why won’t you answer,  _ Momoring _ ?” Sana pouts.

“Did you ask anything?” Momo prolongs.

Sana puts her arms loosely around Momo.

And Momo? She’s losing her mind. The alcohol is kicking in.

“Hmm-mm.” Sana closes her eyes and shakes her head up and down repeatedly while pouting. “I did.”

“What was the question?” Momo tucks a few strands of hair behind Sana’s ear.

“Are you in love with me?” Sana is staring deep into her.  _ She’s drunk. _

Momo was never good at lying. Especially when tipsy.

“Always have been.” Momo touches Sana’s chin and pinches them softly. “Always will be.”

Sana straddles Momo. It was intended to be a hug. It makes Momo giggle. She wasn’t supposed to giggle. But Sana is soft. And softness makes Momo giggle.

“Am sleepy, Momoring.” Sana’s lips are so close to her ear. “Take me to bed.”

_ She’s getting married. _

“Y’all heard it. I’m taking the drunk girl home.” Momo says, grunting. She’s trying to stand up while carrying Sana. “I mean, to bed.”

Nayeon, Jihyo, and Mina watched the whole scene. Their original plan was to stop watching from the sidelines, but it must be fate that Momo and Sana are taking the matter into their own hands.

And who are they to interfere with fate?

\---

“Here we go.” Momo tries to put Sana down on the bed. But Sana has her thighs around Momo. So when Momo does put Sana on the bed, her own body goes along, too.

They laugh.

“Get off now, Sa-tang.” Momo wiggles herself off of Sana. “Can’t breathe.”

“Hmm,” Sana holds Momo tighter. “ _ Stay, Momoring _ .”

Momo could feel Sana’s heartbeat. “Okay, but please move a little.”

“No.”

“Sana..” Momo whines.

“ _ Aigoo _ , my whiny  _ baby _ .” Sana pinches her cheeks. They are stuck in each other’s eyes. It’s dangerous.

Momo clears her throat. Tries to get off of Sana. Sana loosens her hold slowly and sits up.

“Sana-”

“Momo-”

“Sorry.” They both say.

“Yeah, I’ll just-” Momo straightens her shirt. Points to the direction of the door.

“Okay.” Sana’s hands are being covered by her long sleeves. “Okay, me too.”

“Yeah.” Momo walks backward. “I’ll go.”

Momo turns around. She is halfway through the door.

“Momo.” Sana calls. Momo turns to her.

“Hm?” Momo hears her own high-pitched voice.

Sana looks down on her  _ paws _ . (Momo decides to call them that.)

“Good night?”

Momo nods and gives Sana a tight-lipped smile. “Yes. Good night.”

Momo  _ almost _ goes out of the room. But Sana calls again.

“And Momo?”

“Hm?”

“I’m kinda drunk.” Sana says.

“Okay.” Momo answers back. “Me too.”


	15. the more i fall for you

_ "Hawaii.” _

_ All six pairs of eyes turn to Nayeon. _

_ “What? It’s perfect.” _

_ “Uh.” Chaeyoung points out. “What exactly is perfect?” _

_ “Us being away from everything is perfect in itself.” Nayeon says. “Okay, maybe it’s only because I want to go to Hawaii.” _

_ “Unnie…” Tzuyu wants to facepalm. _

_ “No, wait.” Jihyo joins. “It is perfect.” _

_ “Not you, too.” Chaeyoung just wants to hear a clear plan. _

_ “The beach. The sun. The cold nights.” Jihyo lists down. “Don’t you guys remember anything?” _

_ Nayeon looks at Jihyo. Doesn’t ring a bell. But sure. Anything. As long as they approve of Hawaii. _

_ “You need to be more specific, Ji.” Jeongyeon is with Nayeon – she has always wanted to go to the place. But she needs a clear plan, too, just like Chaeyoung. _

_ “Our trip to Jeju.” Jihyo says and covers her mouth. Momo and Sana might hear. _

_ “It was where they first kissed.” Mina chimes in. _

_ “How the fuck should we know that?” _

_ “Well, now you do.” Jihyo huffs. _

_ “How is this supposed to help them get back together?” Dahyun curiously asks. “Is the plan just to make them remember the past? ‘Cause I don’t really want to ruin anyone’s marriage.” _

_ “You won’t ruin anything, Dahyun-ah.” Nayeon says. “If anything, we’ll even mend broken hearts.” _

_ “But why Hawaii?” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ Not needing any further explanation, Nayeon claps excitedly. “I’ll book it.” _

_ It was the end of the discussion. _


	16. i'm sorry, i hate you more

It’s late morning. Still too early for Momo. She doesn’t have the energy to wake up, even if Mina already asked her to go down. Even the food doesn’t excite her. But she’s Momo. Her stomach could only handle so much.  


  


After minutes of scrolling through her phone, Momo trods downstairs. The first thing she hears is Sana’s voice. She’s talking to someone in Japanese.

  


_ “Of course I’ll call you.”  _ Sana’s hand is on her hip. She’s pacing slowly around the living room.

  


Momo passes by her. She’s hungry. Food first.

  


_ “It’s just me and the girls.”  _ Sana glances at Momo.  _ “No, I think we’d only be there for… Wait.” _

  


Sana goes into the kitchen. “Hey, guys. How many days would we stay in Hawaii?”

  


“Five.” Nayeon answers. 

  


Momo widens her eyes. “Five?!”

  


Sana puts the phone to her ears again. “ _ Apparently five, Yuki.” _

  


_ Ah, _ _ so he’s a Yuki.  _ Momo thinks in her sleepy state. Can't even care about it right now.

  


Sana giggles at whatever the person on the phone,  _ Yuki,  _ said. Nayeon gags. Jeongyeon hits her arm.

  


_ “It’s just the girls, I swear.”  _ Sana puts a finger to her lips, shushing the rest of the table.  _ “Eh? Shut up, I won’t wear that.” _

  


“Sometimes I hate that we promoted so much in Japan because now I can fully understand Japanese.” Nayeon says out loud. “And they’re talking about  _ bikinis  _ like it’s a usual conversation over breakfast. Please.”

  


Momo feels the same.

  


_ “Alright, just don’t forget to rest, okay?”  _ Sana says with her Kansai-ben accent. Momo wants to slap the phone off of her hand.  _ “Okay, later.” _

  


“Sickening.” Nayeon throws a napkin at Sana. “Don’t do that in front of me again.”

  


Sana just smiles at her and puts her tongue out. Momo sees a glimpse of Sana’s lockscreen. It’s Jihyo’s living room. That’s so random.

  


_ _

“Where’s Park Jihyo?” Someone finally asks.

  


“Fixing stuff at work.” Mina answers. “Hawaii was too sudden, so… yeah, she needed to do some work first. Dahyun and Tzuyu went out too.”

  


“Which reminds me… I’ll shop for clothes today.” Momo picks at her food. “Wanna come with me, Chaeng?”

  


“Unnie, please, just split my head into two.”

  


“Poor you.” Momo ruffles her hair. “What about you, Jeong?”

  


“Don’t even talk to me.” Jeongyeon grunts.

  


“Mi-tan?”

  


“Who’s gonna take care of everyone?” Mina tilts her head to the side. “Sorry, Momoring.”

  


“I can go with you.” Sana sits down beside her. “I’m free today. And I don’t have a hungover.”

  


“Sure, don’t ask Nayeon. Nayeon doesn’t want to shop. Nayeon doesn’t want to go with you guys.” Nayeon sarcastically remarks.

  


“Wanna go?” Momo’s eyes are pleading.

  


Mina pats Nayeon’s knee under the table. Nayeon suddenly wakes up and remembers.  _ Oh. _

  


“Nope. Just remembered that I need to take care of my big baby.” Nayeon says as she side-hugs Jeongyeon.

  


“You're stuck with me then.” Sana sings. It’s inevitable. She’s indeed stuck  _ to _ Sana.

  


"It's because I'm a lucky girl." Momo retorts.

  


"Seems like I'm also a lucky girl today because I'm with Momo."  


  


“Seems like it.”

  


They giggle. 

  
Both Momo and Sana do not see Nayeon and Mina snicker.

  


\---

  


“Here, try this one on.” Sana is holding a black two-piece bikini set.

  


Momo shakes her head frantically. “Nope. No way.”

  


“Come on, Momoring.” Sana pulls her hand, looking for a changing room. “If I had a body like yours, I would damn right show it off.”

  


“Well, I don’t have your confidence, so.” Momo stumbles. Sana finds a vacant room.

  


“You don’t need confidence.” Sana says, locking the door. “You just need your abs.”

  


“A-are you gonna stay here?” Momo stutters.

  


Sana rolls her eyes. “It’s not like I haven’t seen  _ everything _ , Momo.”

  


Momo raises her eyebrows at that.

  


“Are you gonna fit this or not?” Sana pushes.

  


“Fine.” Momo takes the challenge. Two can play the game. Whatever game this is.

  


She looks directly into Sana’s eyes and lifts her shirt. Sana watches as Momo removes it completely, showing Momo clad in a black lace bra. Her upper body, her abs, in full glory.

  


Momo smirks. “ _ Momoring’s _ eyes are up here.”

  


Sana gulps. She throws the bikini to Momo’s face and avoids Momo’s eyes. “Shut up.”

  


Momo stifles a laugh. She removes her pants, squeezing and shaking out of it.  _ That was so unnecessary _ , Sana thinks.

  


Momo unclasps her bra. Sana turns around abruptly.

  


“Thought you’re here to watch?” Momo bites her lip. Sana is so cute.

  


“Just make it quick. Jesus, how hard can it be?”

  


“Patience, princess.” Momo teases.

  


Momo does make it quick. She doesn’t like being in one tight space with Sana. She might do something they will both regret.

  


“Done.” Momo looks at herself in the mirror, suddenly feeling insecure. _But_ _why_, she asks herself. It’s Sana she’s with right now. _Just_ Sana. “How do I look?”

  


Sana turns around. She just stares.

  


For a long while.

  


Momo doesn’t know what it means.

  


Momo clears her throat. “So?”

  


And then Sana looks into Momo’s eyes through the mirror, as if snapping herself out of her thoughts. Her gaze softens. Momo almost melts.

  


“Perfect.” Sana whispers.

  


Momo looks down and ignores it.

  


Sana shakes her head.  _ You’re getting married. _

  


“It’s my treat.” Sana says, picking up her things hastily. “Change into your clothes and I’ll pay for it.”

  


Momo holds Sana’s wrist and looks into Sana’s eyes. “I know my limits, Sana.”

  


“I know.” Sana gives a wry smile. “Thank you for that.”

  


“You don’t have to pay for this.”

  


“I want to.”

  


Sana goes out the door. Momo lets her.

  


It’s confusing.

  


How Sana can talk to her fiancé on the phone and flirt with Momo right after.

  


_ Sana treats everyone like this. _

  


\---

  


_ “Went shopping with Moguri.” _ Sana says through the phone.  _ “It’s Momo, yeah.” _

  


_ “What do you mean?”  _ Sana wipes the corner of her mouth. Momo eats her pizza quietly.  _ “It should be a surprise but.. I’ll send it to you. I haven’t decided yet.” _

  


_ “Yuki, you know I am.”  _ Sana puts down the napkin. Momo can hear the loudness of Yuki’s voice.  _ “I’m not sure of what to wear, but I said yes to you. I am sure of this.” _

  


Momo doesn’t want to listen.

  


_ “You don’t get to say that when you’re the one who didn’t want to come here with me.”  _ Sana looks pissed, sad, even.  _ “And don’t shout. That’s unfair.” _

  


_ “Let’s finish this later. I’m eating lunch.” _ Sana puts down her phone and sighs. “Sorry you had to hear that.”

  


Momo shrugs. “S’fine.”

  


“He wants me to send him the dress.”

  


“Dress?” Momo asks out of curiosity.

  


“The wedding dress.”

  


Momo’s lips form an ‘O’. It sinks in slowly.

  


“Don’t know much about weddings, but shouldn’t you be together for that?”

  


“Yuki’s busy.” It’s brief. It explains everything.

  


The conversation ends there.

  


“Where do you want to go next?” Sana asks as she takes a bite of the pizza. “We have lots of time.”

  


“Don’t know. I’ve bought everything I need.”

  


“I saw an arcade back there. Wanna go?”

  


Momo’s eyes light up for a moment. “Uh. It’s okay.”

  


“Please? For old times’ sake?”

  


“Momo-unnie! Sana-unnie!” They see a little blonde running towards them. A tall figure comes into view, too.

  


“Hi, Dahyunnie.” Sana perks. “Tzuyu-ah. My babies.”

  


Momo just waves at them. Food first. Tzuyu smiles at her in understanding.

  


Dahyun sits beside them. She sees the bags of clothes that the two girls have.

  


“Don’t judge, Dahyun. I only bought necessities.” Momo says in her defense.

  


“Anyway, Momo-unnie, let’s go play. We saw an arcade.” Dahyun raises her eyebrows. “We gotta go.”

  


“Sana and I were just about to.” Momo finishes off her food. She has crumbs on the edge of her mouth.

  


Sana reaches out to wipe it, but Dahyun beats her to it.

  


Tzuyu just watches. And Tzuyu sees it.

  


Sana looks like a falling leaf – a falling  _ Sakura _ leaf.

  


_ Pink, waiting, soft, hopeless. _

  


\---

  


They can’t get in the arcade. People respect their space. People let them do whatever. But people are people. They are staring.

  


“Can we not go?” Momo asks out loud.

  


“You okay?” Sana reaches out to her hand. Momo doesn’t notice and hugs herself.

  


“Just not used to this anymore.” Momo takes Dahyun’s hand instead and snuggles herself into Dahyun’s neck. Sana hides her disdain.

  


Tzuyu is walking behind them. Sana is blooming, and falling, and blooming, and falling.

  


It’s confusing.

  


Tzuyu decides that seasons  _ shouldn’t _ change like this. At least, not this fast.

  


She takes her Sana-unnie’s arm and walks side by side with her.

  


“Tzuyu-ah.” Sana smiles. “You good?”

  


She nods. “Are you, unnie?”

  


Sana scrunches her nose. “I am.”

  


“How are you?” Tzuyu sees a camera flashing. She bows at the high school girls saying hi to her. They’re cute.

  


“Always good, Tzu.” Sana replies. “Why ask?”

  


“It’s been long.” Tzuyu says. “You were gone for some time, too. Maybe a year and a half?”

  


“I needed to find myself, just like Momo.” Sana smiles sadly at Momo’s back.

  


“And did you?” Tzuyu asks.

  


“Did I what?”

  


“Find yourself?”

  


“Hm. Maybe.” Sana looks far off. “I found Yuki though. Or he found me. However that goes.”

  


“It was only a year and a half, right, unnie?”

  


Sana nods.

  


“Don’t you think you’re rushing it?”

  


“Hm?” Sana tilts her head to the side. “Rushing what?”

  


“You know  _ what _ , unnie.” Tzuyu tightens and loosens her hold on Sana. She looks at the ring. It sparkles. “The wedding.”

  


“Ah.” Sana looks at Tzuyu. “A year and a half is enough for Yuki and I.”

  


Tzuyu wants to roll her eyes at this. She controls herself. “It doesn’t work like that, unnie. You should know each other first.”

  


“I know him, Tzuyu-ah. He’s a good man.” Sana looks ahead.

  


“Do you really have to marry a good man?” Tzuyu grabs Sana’s hand, playing with the ring.

  


They slow down. “Don’t we all want to be with someone who’s good?”

  


Tzuyu looks at Sana intently. “Not really.”

  


Sana just listens.

  


“I want to marry someone who can make me  _ happy _ . And happy is not just good.” Tzuyu says as she steals a glance at Dahyun’s back. “I want all the good and all the bad and whatever’s in between.”

  


Tzuyu watches as Sana looks at Momo, too, walking in front of them.

  


_ There, _ the blooming.

  


Tzuyu continues, “Love isn’t based on being good.”

  


“I don’t want a good man. I want love and happiness and screaming and fighting and growing.” Tzuyu finishes. She hopes her reason could get into Sana’s head. “The goodness would follow. Or if you’re lucky, the goodness would always be there.”

  


Sana snaps out of her reverie and snorts.

  


“What?” Tzuyu asks. “What’s funny?”

  


“That’s so cheesy, Tzuyu-ah.” Sana pats Tzuyu’s hand. “You’ve grown well.”

  


Tzuyu sees it. How Sana  _ withers _ , right after she blooms.

  



	17. i don't know what's going on

“ _ LET’S GOOOOOO!”  _ Dahyun shouts from the second floor. She’s wearing her sunglasses, tugging a huge luggage with her. She goes down the stairs and sees everybody in the kitchen. Jihyo and Tzuyu cooked breakfast as soon as they woke up.

“We’re hours early.” Jihyo announces. Chaeyoung is sleeping on Mina’s shoulder. Nayeon is cuddled with Jeongyeon. It’s  _ too _ early.

“LET’S-” Dahyun starts again, but Tzuyu covers her mouth.

“Shh.” Tzuyu whispers. “I’m excited, too.”

Dahyun puts her hands down. “Yeah?”

Tzuyu nods thrice. She loves happy, jumpy Dahyun.

Jeongyeon taps Nayeon awake. She looks at her watch. “Wanna go now?”

“Mmm. Still sleepy.” Nayeon asks, wiping the sleep off her eyes, snuggling closer to her girlfriend. “Where’s everybody else?”

“You mean Sana and Momo unnie? Haven’t seen them.” Dahyun answers. “Momo-unnie’s probably still sleeping. She was packing until late last night.”

Mina yawns and cuddles into Chaeyoung again.

“Momo! Sana! We’re going!” Jihyo shouts.

No one answers.

“Jihyo, please, it’s 3 AM. Stop shouting.”

Jihyo ignores this and goes up to Momo’s room. She doesn’t knock. It’s just Momo anyway. She’s probably just sl-

Oh.

_ Oh. _

Sana stirs in Momo’s arms. Momo whines and hugs Sana tighter.

Though surprised, Jihyo smiles at the scene. She can’t help but snap a picture. The sound it made woke the two people  _ cuddling _ in front of her.

Sana grunts awake and stretches noisily. “Morning, Ji.” She smiles at Jihyo and turns to Momo, like this is a normal thing to happen.

Sana cups Momo’s face and taps her cheek. “Momo-yah, I think we’re going now.”

Momo whines again, her eyes still closed. “Five more minutes.” She hugs Sana tighter. Her lips meeting Sana’s forehead. “You smell nice in the morning.”

Sana giggles.

Jihyo feels like she’s intruding. “You lovebirds wanna miss our flight or…” 

“Jihyo, it’s 3am. Our flight is at 6.” Sana loves being in her best friend’s arms.

Jihyo wants to ask how they ended up there. Instead, she slowly closes the door and runs to the kitchen, smiling giddily.

“Guess what I have in my phone.” Jihyo sings. She is jumping up and down. “I don’t think we still need to go to Hawaii.”

Nayeon grabs her phone and sees the picture. And it’s  _ so cute _ that Nayeon coos.

“Cancel the flight. Korea’s power is good enough.” Nayeon says.

Dahyun stands up. “No way!”

Chaeyoung grunts. “Can’t y’all just let me sleep?!”

Amidst the noise, the pink-haired girl smiles softly and snuggles closer.

Momo smells good in the morning.


	18. i can't explain it

“How did you two end up like that?” Jihyo asks as they enter the gate. Almost got late for the flight but sleep is more important.

“Like what?”

“All cuddled up.” Jihyo says.

“Ah,” Momo answers, biting into a jelly. It was a long red one. “Sana helped me pack. She asked if she could sleep with me.”

Jihyo let Momo’s words hang in the air.

The leaves in Japan are falling calmly. Soon, the cold wind would bite.

Sana suddenly hugs Momo from the back. Momo stumbles a bit. “Can I sit with you?”

“Sure.” Momo nods, letting Sana bite from the jelly she was having.

Sana giggles on her shoulder. “You smell nice.”

Because of their position, Sana was walking like a penguin. Nayeon can’t help but take a video. 

“I used your shampoo.” Momo says nonchalantly. Jihyo looks at Nayeon. Their eyes talk for a moment.

_ Does Sana know what she’s doing? _

_ I don’t know but I’m not complaining. _

They enter the plane. It would be a nine hour flight.

\---

Momo concentrates on the clouds below her. She’s afraid of heights, but Sana is holding her hand.

Momo  _ tries _ to focus on one thing. She’s afraid of falling. Sana is there.

Falling. Sana. Falling. Sana.

Sana doesn't know what she's doing. It confuses Momo to no end.


	19. i'm trapped in a labyrinth of strange emotions

“I’m taking Jihyo-unnie!” Dahyun raises her hand, grabbing Tzuyu’s arm by her other hand. Her hair is all over the place because of the strong wind. “Tzuyu, too.”

“I’ll actually room with someone.” Jihyo announces. 

Nayeon and Jeongyeon snap their heads at her. “_ Eh _? Who?”

“What’s so shocking?” Jihyo puts down her luggage. “I’ll room with Sana.”

“You will?” Sana asks with wide eyes.

“Yeah, Momo asked me to room with you.” The wind is warm and cold and just right.

Hawaii is so beautiful.

“You did?” Sana asks Momo, pouting.

Momo just nods.

Tzuyu realizes that seeing Sana fall and bloom is like seeing the girl’s heart out on a plate. It beats, and it beats a single name. Tzuyu can’t wait to hear what it says.

“Can Minari and I go now?” Chaeyoung just wants to sleep again. Her back hurts from the plane ride.

“Don’t be so grumpy.” Mina envelops her in a hug and kisses her cheek.

“Just wanna sleep.” Chaeyoung groans.

“Momoring,” Mina calls. “Wanna room with us?”

“Jihyo actually helped me reserve another room.”

Mina and Nayeon look at Jihyo. They don’t know what she’s planning but the two girls both have the same sentiment.

_ This better be good, Park. _But really, Jihyo has zero plans.

Tzuyu hears Sana whine _ “I thought we’d be roommates” _ and Momo replies with an _ “It won’t matter anyway.” _

Sana deflates. And she falls. And falls. And falls.

It matters.

\---

**On the first afternoon,** they sleep in.

It’s windy and quiet and peaceful. It’s Hawaii. It’s just right.

  


Jihyo opens the luggage. She’s jet lagged but that’s fine.

She hears Sana let out a sigh.

Jihyo puts her clothes in the cabinet. If they’re gonna stay here for five days, might as well fix things now. It’s just how she works.

Sana plops on the bed.

There is quiet rustling. Jihyo makes herself busy by unpacking.

“Why did Momo switch rooms with you?”

Sana asks out of the blue.

“We slept together last night. Wasn’t she comfortable?”

Jihyo just lets her.

“Why am I thinking so much about this?”

Sana lets out a breathy laugh.

“I feel like I’m eighteen again.”

Sana twists and turns on the bed.

“Does Momo have anyone?” Sana asks, her voice muffled. Jihyo hears it clearly.

Sana lies supine on the bed. It’s easier to breathe this way. She feels heavy.

_ "Why _ do I care so much about it?”

Jihyo stops unpacking.

“Shouldn’t I be happy for Momo?” Sana asks again. “Shouldn’t I be happy for myself?”

_ "For fucks sake, _ I’m getting married. And to a good man. I _ should _ be happy.”

“Why am I not happy?”

Jihyo joins Sana in the bed. Sana’s monologue is a start. Jihyo is Jihyo. She fixes things. Even without the plans. Screw the plans.

She stares at the ceiling, painted with small waves and coconut trees. The details of the room are cute and vibrant.

Sana turns her head to face Jihyo. It’s like they never aged. Jihyo mirrors Sana and looks at her, too.

Sana takes a deep breath, looking into Jihyo’s eyes. Her own becomes teary. She doesn't know why.

It’s confusing and Sana doesn’t understand.

Jihyo doesn’t come near her. Jihyo just lets her.

_ It's her._

Doesn’t say anything.

_ It’s Momo._

Just lets her cry.

_ I loved her when she loved me. _

Just watches.

_ I should have told her. _

Until Sana starts sobbing.

_ Back when everything was still right. _

Until Sana can’t see Jihyo clearly anymore.

_ I loved her then._

Until Sana tries to stop crying, but can't.

_ I love her now._

Until Sana admits one thing.

_But I’m getting married. _

After another.

_And I’m so confused. What do I do?_

And another.

_ I should have told her before she left. _

And another.

_She would have never left._

And another.

_I should have said no to him._

Jihyo sees how Sana blooms and falls.

_ I love her so much I could feel it wanting to come out of my chest. _

And she decides, that seasons shouldn’t change like this.

_Tzuyu's right. I don’t need a good man._

At least, not this fast.

_He only asked me over dinner and I just-_

Winter is coming.

_ What was I supposed to say?_

And Jihyo feels the need to fix this.

_I don't love him._

But soon, Jihyo would learn that she could only do so much.

_I think I never did._


	20. i'm the one who's always dragged, yes me

**On the first night, ** they go clubbing.

It’s noisy and sticky and hot. It’s Hawaii. It’s just right.

  
  


Time seems to stop when they enter the dance floor. Nine gorgeous girls,  _ imagine that _ , dancing the hell out of the night in their short dresses and high heels.

Who wouldn’t gawk, right?

“3 o’clock.” Jeongyeon shouts. Jihyo looks to where the girl is. She’s  _ definitely  _ cute. “Get laid, Park.”

It’s loud and fleeting and Jihyo is curious. They went to Hawaii to relax. It’s just right.

So Jihyo swiftly walks down the tight spaces, in between sweaty bodies and deep bass music. She sits beside her target, orders a drink, talks a little, and smiles.

And  _ god damn, _ does the world slow down when Park Jihyo flirts with you.

_ Imagine that. _

“She’s got those moves all these years but hid it from us?” Mina asks in between drinks. She’s sitting in their booth with Chaeyoung, Dahyun, and Tzuyu.

“Nah, remember that last boy?” Nayeon snorts. She’s in Jeongyeon’s arms, standing beside their table. “For a moment, we really thought they would last.”

Dahyun hears Tzuyu say  _ “wanna get out of this place?”  _ and it’s over for her.

She will go anywhere with Tzuyu.

“Liked that guy.” Jeongyeon tuts as she nods her head towards Dahyun and Tzuyu, acknowledging that they never liked being in clubs. They go out of the club, smiling and whispering soft secrets to each other. Jeongyeon pecks the pulse on Nayeon’s neck, moving to the rhythm of EDM music. Nayeon’s breath hitches.

“Let’s dance.” Chaeyoung takes a shot first and then grabs her girlfriend’s hand.

Mina finds it amusing. Drunk Chaeyoung is brave, assertive, and beyond her wildest dreams.

“You know what surprises me the most, love?” Jeongyeon whispers hotly to the curve of Nayeon’s ears.

“What?” Nayeon closes her eyes and leans her head on Jeongyeon’s shoulder.

“Even after all these years,” Jeongyeon bites Nayeon’s earlobe. Nayeon groans. “you’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

Nayeon turns around and kisses her girlfriend harshly. Maybe making out with Nayeon in public is turning on Jeongyeon _a little_ _too much_. Nayeon is _squirmy_, and _putty_, and _weak_ in her arms.

And Jeongyeon loves how she knows that they will always be like this.

They will always be Nayeon and Jeongyeon.

“Marry me.” Jeongyeon whispers between their breathless kiss. “Marry me, Nayeon.”

They are in the middle of a club. It’s hot and it’s loud and it smells like alcohol and hormones and sweat. It’s Hawaii. It’s Jeongyeon.

Nayeon thinks this is just right.

This is  _ so _ right.

“Always the romantic, Yoo.” Nayeon laughs, her bunny teeth showing. Her fingers tugging Jeongyeon’s hair softly.

And Jeongyeon never loved a person this much her heart could implode.

“Only for you.” Jeongyeon kisses her again. This time so deeply that she takes away Nayeon’s breath. “So marry me, please.”

Nayeon rests her forehead on Jeongyeon’s. She smiles. Jeongyeon is smitten.

_ “You.” _

Their eyes lock together. Nayeon is whispering and her breath hits Jeongyeon’s lips in such a sultry way that it is more intoxicating than any drink.

_ “Only you.” _

She kisses the tip of Jeongyeon’s nose.

_ “I will only say yes to you.” _

And closes her eyes.

_ “Yes.” _

She breathes in deeply and whispers.

“ _ Love me every day, Yoo Jeongyeon.” _

This is so right.

_ “I can give you just the same.” _

This is the  _ only _ thing right in the world.

\---

Momo is hot.

No, really. She hasn’t even drunk anything yet. She’s sitting at the bar, away from their group’s booth. Away from Sana.

She wonders how Dahyun and Tzuyu are doing. Those introverts must have already went home. Momo gets it. She’s starting to hate the place, too.

It was suffocating back there. With all the drinks and Sana’s short dress and her high heels and the  _ goddamn _ temperature and the music and  _ Sana’s _ lipstick-

“New here?” A brunette slides into the seat next to her.

My god, Momo is damn right  _ sweating. _

“Sorry?”

“Ah, so  _ you are  _ Korean.” The girl is now full-on looking at her. Momo couldn't care less.

“Yeah.” Momo lies and drinks from the glass. It’s cold. The alcohol lines her throat like thunder making its mark on the sky.

_ Fucking hell, that’s hot. _

“What?” Momo asks.

“Shit, did I say that out loud?” The brunette covers her mouth and laughs.

Momo doesn’t see what’s funny, but sure.

“Wow, you’re the quiet type, aren’t you?”

“I don’t fit in any type.” Momo replies.

“Really?” The unnamed girl turns in her seat and orders a drink. “‘Cause I’m pretty sure you fit in mine.”

“Good for you.” Momo stands up. The girl does, too.

She’s suddenly in front of Momo.

Momo looks her in the eye.  _ The fuck do you want? _

“Easy, tiger.” She smirks. “I was just playing.”

“And I don’t care.” Momo shoves the girl’s shoulder.

She walks side by side with Momo. “Where are you headed?”

“The dance floor.”

“Good, me too.”

Momo wants to huff. But she’s saving her breath. It’s so fucking hot in here she might die.

They get to the dance floor. The music is sickening. They look at each other.

“Well?” The girl starts. “Shall we dance to this ugly music?”

Momo wants to roll her eyes. But she doesn’t want to give any form of attention to the woman in front of her.

The said girl starts dancing anyway. And she’s good. Momo will give her that.

Momo sees Sana on the other side of the floor. Sana is a killer in that little black dress. Her eyes are glued to Sana’s skin, all showy and sweaty and sexy. 

It’s so hot. It’s too hot. Momo hates this place.

“That your girl?”

Momo is starting to get pissed.

“Maybe a crush?”

Her jaw tightens.

“What do they call it? The one that got away?”

Momo moves far away from the source of annoyance. But the woman is persistent.

“She’s hot. Can I take her or is she yours?”

Momo pushes the girl’s chest and grabs her shirt. “Don’t talk about her like that.”

The girl throws her hands up. “Alright, easy.”

Momo lets her go. She side-eyes Sana for a moment.

Sana is so pretty. Sana isn’t looking.

“Let’s introduce.” The girl reaches out her hand. Momo just looks at it. “Damn, you’re such a killjoy.”

“I’m not looking for company so just fuck off.” Momo seethes.

“Sad.” The woman tuts. “My eyes are on you tonight.”

“I’ll pull them out.” Momo says. “Fuck. Off.”

“Come on, look at her.” She points to Sana. “She’s enjoying herself.”

Momo looks at the direction of Sana and they meet eyes. Sana’s face instantly lights up. She was dancing to the music.

Sana is so pretty. Sana isn't looking.

  
  
  


Momo is begging the heavens above.

_ Please stop being like this. Stop being so pretty. _

Because her heart wants to get out of her chest and run towards Sana.

Because her body wants to get out of this place and run away from Sana.

  
  
  


“She’s at least trying to be _ happy.  _ You should do the same.”

  
  
  


And maybe something gets triggered in Momo when she hears the word  _ happy. _

Maybe something shifts inside Momo.

Maybe she wants Sana to look at her.

Maybe Momo doesn’t think of the repercussions of what she will do next.

Because Momo is suddenly kissing this random girl.

And it’s wet and hot and deep and it’s  _ fucking  _ loud in here.

She hates this place.

  
  
  


Maybe Momo needs to stop.

Because Sana has a full view of the scene that Momo just made.

Because the random girl finally reacts and says something that Momo can't comprehend. And Momo realizes that she hated the kiss but she needs to feel something else – anything else – that isn't Sana. So, with the little alcohol that's running in her veins, she leans in to capture her lips again. The girl gladly complies and that was all that Momo needs.

  
  
  


Maybe it's time to stop lying to themselves.

Because Sana can’t move.

Because Sana can’t understand.

Because Sana shouldn’t care about who Momo kisses.

Because Sana is getting married.

Because the truth is, Sana should be over Momo.

  
  
  


But maybe Sana isn’t.

Because five pairs of eyes are watching her try to push her tears back.

Because five pairs of eyes are watching her as she walks out of the dance floor and into the comfort room, pushing people out of her way.

  
  


Maybe they all should just go home.

Because Jihyo excuses herself and follows Sana.

Because Jihyo doesn’t even need to search for Sana.

Because there are puking sounds coming from the last cubicle and Jihyo instantly pulls Sana’s hair up.

Because Nayeon pries herself away from Jeongyeon and they both follow the commotion.

Because Mina runs to the scene.

  
  


Maybe Chaeyoung doesn’t know where to go.

Because Momo goes out of the club hand in hand with the same girl she kissed a few moments ago, both oblivious to the things happening.

Because Sana is crying, and vomiting, and hurting, and she wants  _ so badly _ to flush the stupid ring down the drain.


	21. i want to give you permission, that's me

**On the first morning,** their heads are all throbbing.

Going to a club on your first night in Hawaii may not be the best idea. Nayeon, Jeongyeon, and Jihyo are the only ones who survived. Mina is cursing herself.

Tzuyu and Jihyo prepare breakfast in the kitchen provided by the place they’re staying at. It’s like a huge house – with fifteen bedrooms that can be used by different guests of different groups. Since it's not peak season, they were the only ones in it.

“Guess you could say we started on a wrong foot?” Dahyun says as she hands a glass water to Chaeyoung.

“Shut up.” Chaeyoung glares at Dahyun. “Keep those empty jokes to yourself.”

“Ouch.” Dahyun fakes offense. “No extra bacon for you.”

It’s a good thing that Tzuyu and her had a quick escapade last night or she might have also ended up this cranky.

“Keep it.” Chaeyoung sighs. “My stomach will surely just vomit them out anyway.”

“Can we not talk about puking? I don’t think I can handle another one.” Mina announces her presence. She immediately pouts and stomps her feet as soon as she sees her girlfriend. “Son Chaeyoung, how dare you leave the bed when you know I’ll be in this state.”

“Sorry, love. I stink and smell like shit. I needed to wash up.” Chaeyoung pats the seat beside her and Mina waddles her way to it. Chaeyoung would risk anything for this woman. She's sure of it. “How are you still so stunning?”

Jihyo puts the food on the table. She sits down beside Nayeon. She’s quiet. Nayeon understands.

_"Stop it.” _Mina blushes. This is _her_ Chaeyoung during every breakfast. No matter how sober, drunk, or groggy they are, Chaeyoung never fails to make her smile. She will never get tired of this.

“What?” Chaeyoung smiles so wide like she isn’t thinking of wanting to cut her head in half. Because she simply isn’t. Her mind shuts down when Mina is here. “I can’t compliment you?”

Mina shakes her head, smiling widely, and kisses Chaeyoung. Their hearts are in sync. This just feels so right.

_Good morning._

_Good morning to you, too._

“Don’t make out on the breakfast table, what the hell.” Nayeon complains. “I don't have a hangover but you’re making me sick.”

“How are you not hungover, unnie?” Chaeyoung asks. “I can remember clearly how you took all those shots.”

“Jeongyeonnie took a different shot last night and you wouldn’t guess what it is.”

Mina furrows her eyebrows.

Nayeon just shrugs smugly. Her _fiancée _is in the shower.

“Yoo Jeongyeon pro-”

Just then, the doorbell rings.

Jihyo knows who it is.

She rushes to the door and opens it abruptly, expecting to see _her_ wasted and disheveled. Jihyo was ready to fix it.

But instead, what she sees on the other side _pisses her off._

“Aloha!” Momo chirps. She smiles a happy smile and Jihyo wants to slap it off of her face. Jihyo stays stoic.

“Can I come in?” Momo asks, her smile still plastered on her pretty face. Jihyo steps aside.

“Hello, hello.” Momo is so loud. “My favorite people.”

Momo bends down to kiss Mina on the head. She ruffles Dahyun’s hair.

Everyone is quiet.

“I come home to this.” Momo gestures to Tzuyu who is cooking. “Good food, good friends, _good morning."_

No one greets her back.

Momo takes a pineapple on a stick and was going to bite on it but she pauses midway. She wonders what is going on. "Are you guys oka-"

Jeongyeon enters the kitchen, drying her hair with a towel. She stops when she sees Momo. She just nods at her, gets a bottle of water, kisses Nayeon on the cheek and says _“I already prepared the bath for you”, _and then exits.

It’s dead silent.

“What’s up with you guys?” Momo asks.

“What’s up with _you?” _Nayeon counters.

Momo shrugs. She’s in a good mood.

“Where _the hell _did you come from?”

“Just out.” Momo replies. “Did you know that there's a bamboo forest here in Hawaii? And there's also this private beach-”

“Is that a fucking hickey?” Nayeon glares at Momo’s neck.

“Yeah, and?” Momo blushes a bit and covers that part of her neck. She decides to sit and join everyone on the table.

Jihyo is looking far ahead, biting on an apple. She stands up and drags herself out of the kitchen.

Tzuyu stays silent at first, sighs, and says _"I'll take care of her"_. Naturally, Dahyun follows out, too.

“You-” Nayeon almost groans but cuts herself. “Where have you been?”

“Out.” Momo shrugs again.

“I’m gonna slowly walk out of this conversation.” Nayeon stands up, completely annoyed. Momo looks to Mina and Chaeyoung.

“Did I say something wrong?”

Chaeyoung just stares at her. Mina starts talking, because who else would?

“Momo…”

“Wait. _I did?” _Momo widens her eyes. “I’ve only been back for two minutes.”

“Exactly. Where have you been?” Mina pushes. “Where did you sleep? And _who _did you sleep with?”

The kitchen door opens.

“Sorry, Sana-unnie needed water.” Dahyun says as she brisks towards the fridge. Dahyun goes straight to it and out the kitchen again. Momo follows the said girl with her eyes.

Ask Momo if she’s still in a good mood, she would lie about it. Sana’s name alone can completely tear her down.

Chaeyoung follows Dahyun. She holds Mina’s hand and loosens. _“I’ll be in the living room.”_

It’s only Mina and Momo now.

“Did I miss anything?”

“Did _we _miss anything, Momo?”

“I don’t get this, Mi-tan.” Momo huffs. “Can you not throw my own questions back to me? We went to a club. I slept over someone else’s place. Is that wrong?”

“You’re in love with Sana.” Mina says directly. She’s the only one who can. “What are you doing?”

“I'm not _in love_ with her." Momo lets out a sarcastic laugh. “Is this about that? Because I’m pretty sure you are way more affected than I am.”

“Momo.” Mina says sternly. “It hasn’t been 24 hours and look how we are all already so messed up.”

And maybe something shifts inside Momo when she hears the words _messed up._

“Is this my fault?” Momo softens.

Momo doesn’t know. Momo doesn’t know.

“No, it’s not that..” Mina reaches for her hand. “We just don’t know where you went. You made us all worry.”

Momo sighs. “Sorry. I was just.. with this girl I met.”

“You really slept with someone then?”

“What kind of question-”

“Just give me an answer.” Mina holds her gaze. It feels oddly familiar to Momo.

“Of course not.” Momo feels a lump in her throat. She doesn't know why. “We kissed and made out, but that’s it.”

Maybe Momo can't kiss anybody else. That's what the girl last night made her feel.

And it hurts. Because she can't. She really can't.

But Sana... Sana's getting married. It makes Momo feel sick to the core.

“That’s all I need to know.” Mina softly says. She gives Momo a tight-lipped smile and lets go of her hand. “Eat your breakfast. My head hurts and I’m not sure if the beach is still a go for the others, but I don’t want to waste my time sulking here.”


	22. do i know a lot?

In Japan, the trees are all twigs and branches. There are heaps of orange and red leaves. Lucky barks at the window. Hana gives her treats. The skies are clear as the season slowly transitions.

  


**On the second afternoon,** they go swimming. The beach is just outside their place.

  


Momo can’t swim for the life of her. Mina is teaching her and it looks so funny from a bystander point-of-view.

Nayeon and Jeongyeon are swimming far away, with Jihyo teasing them to no end.

Meanwhile, Tzuyu is applying sunblock on Dahyun’s back.

Chaeyoung comes out of their rented place in a two-piece and a beach hat. Mina’s mouth drops to the sands of Hawaii. It’s _ comical. _

"Minari, where's my towel?" Chaeyoung shouts from the shore. Mina is stunned. Her girlfriend is out of this world.

“Mina-sensei!” Momo calls her out and splashes water on her. “Focus on the lesson, will you?”

Momo is wearing the two-piece that Sana bought for her.

Sana is missing in action. Momo couldn’t care less. She really couldn’t. She swears.

No one talks about it.

\---

**On the second night, **Nayeon wants to go stargazing. It’s cheesy. They gather blankets and sit on the sand. The night sky of Hawaii doesn’t seem dark at all. They don’t talk about what happened on the first night.

  


Sana wakes up for the third time. She slept in all day. Jihyo tried giving her food and meds but she just let sleep do the work. When she first tried standing up, it was like the world was moving 200 miles per hour.

Good thing the toilet is near.

Good thing Jihyo is here.

  


“Have you seen Minari?” Chaeyoung plops down on the sofa and asks.

“Yeah, she’s with _ Momoring._” Tzuyu teases. Chaeyoung shoves her. “They’re both outside with Nayeon and Jeongyeon unnie.”

Dahyun is exhausted. She’s lying on Tzuyu’s lap. She feels like she swam the whole Pacific Ocean today with how much she played.

Chaeyoung says a small “_thanks”, _ stands up, and goes upstairs again.

“Tired?” Tzuyu asks while brushing Dahyun’s hair with her fingers. “I can make you a warm bath.”

“S’alright. I’m comfy like this.” Dahyun smiles sleepily.

Tzuyu hums a quiet song.

_ Maybe you’re lovable. _

_ Maybe you’re my snowflake. _

Dahyun thinks this is just right.


	23. do i know you a lot?

“Momo, tell me the truth.” Jeongyeon says as she plays with Nayeon’s hands. She’s hugging her girlfriend from behind. They are sitting on the sand, watching the waves hit the shore repeatedly. She wants to buy Nayeon the prettiest ring.

“I have many truths.” Momo says. “Which one do you want to hear?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Jeongyeon’s chest vibrates because of how loud she’s trying to talk just to beat the sound of the waves. Nayeon likes this. She belongs to Jeongyeon.

“Hmm.” Momo puts a finger on her chin, thinking deeply. “I want to see the cherry blossoms.”

“Tell me something more substantial than that.” Jeongyeon rolls her eyes. She forgot how random Momo can get.

“It is the most substantial truth I have right now.”

“You miss Japan? It’s only been a few days.” Mina joins the conversation. “I only go home during special occasions now. I miss the cherry blossoms, too.”

“I love seeing them bloom.” Momo says, looking afar. “It’s a beautiful thing to watch.”

“Since when did you get so poetic?” Nayeon comments.

“Since I stopped seeing cherry blossoms bloom.”

“But you were in Japan for three years?” Mina questions.

Momo just smiles, still watching the waves. “My next truth is this. I closed _all_ the doors.” Momo gestures. “I closed all the windows. I closed all my senses. Just so I would not see them. Just so I could stop opening my wounds.”

Nayeon sits up slowly. “Are we still talking about cherry blossoms? As in the trees?”

Momo breathes in deeply. Yeah, she’s still talking about cherry blossoms.

“And you want to see them now because...?” Mina understands. She always does. So Nayeon and Jeongyeon just let them talk.

“Because I miss them.” Momo answers straight to the point. “I miss looking at them from a distance. I miss admiring them. I miss waiting for them. Waiting for them to bloom. Waiting for them to fall.”

Nobody else gets Momo the way Mina does, so she dares to say.

“If you love Sana, just tell her.”

Momo’s eyes falter though she tries to keep them focused on the waves. “She’s getting married.”

“She said yes to the wrong person.”

“We don’t know that.”

“You can feel it. I know you can.” Mina says. Momo thinks it’s a miracle how she can hear Mina’s soft voice over the crashing waves. “You’re just scared of what might happen.”

And Momo hates how Mina can pinpoint her feelings better than she does.

“I know what will happen.” Momo looks down on the sand between her toes. “Sana will never choose me.”

“Momo.” Mina sighs. “How are you _still_ _so_ _stupid_ after all these years?”

“Agreed.” Nayeon says. Jeongyeon playfully pinches her forearm. “What? It’s true.”

Momo smiles at this. Mina’s words are familiar. “Sorry, Mi-tan. You always get stuck in between.”

“Have you seen Sana today?” Mina asks. Momo shakes her head. “Well, you should.”

“Why?”

“She isn’t the old Sana we know.” The wind is hitting them just right. It feels nice. “The only thing old are your suppressed feelings.”

Momo sits back and lets her arms support her. She looks up at the Hawaiian night sky. “I don’t want to ruin her even more, Mi-tan. I’m done with that.”

“You literally kissed only seven times in the past.” Momo chuckles at how Mina remembers. “And you can’t get over every single one of those. She’s got you wrapped around her finger so don’t start telling me _ again _ that you are over her.”

“I’m not.” Momo admits. “I’m not over Sana.”

“Fucking finally.” Nayeon breathes out. “Was that hard to say?”

Jeongyeon just listens.

“I think I will never get over her.” Momo adds. “But I can’t do anything about it now. She’s getting married.”

“If I hear that from you one more time, Hirai.”

“It’s true, isn’t it? She's in love with somebody else. And she deserves that kind of happiness.”

There's something about saying all these things by the ocean shore. It's calming. It's freeing.

“We’re too old for this, Momo. Time is ticking.” Nayeon says. “You would go mental if you spend another three years without Sana.”

Momo looks at Nayeon. That’s true, what Nayeon said. That’s very true. But what can Momo do?

“She isn’t tied yet.” Mina agrees. “It’s just a ring. You’ll watch that turn into a vow if you continue to sit around.”

“Are you telling me to go get the girl?”

“I’m telling you to go get _ Sana. _Scoop her away from that marriage.” Mina shows a gummy smile. Momo’s heart flutters.

“That’s too good to be true.”

“Life isn’t a fairytale. But the universe can do all sorts of magic sometimes.”

Momo stares at Mina’s side profile. “You are _ way _ ahead of your time, Mi-tan. You’ve always been too wise for your age.”

“You've just always been too slow, Momoring.”

\---

**On the second morning,** they went out separately and in small groups. What they did was walk around Honolulu all day until their feet grew tired. Everybody went out except Sana.

Momo doesn’t know why.

There is a lingering tension between them. Sana hasn’t laid eyes on Momo since the first night.

Momo doesn’t know what to do.

They should talk, Momo thinks. But they have done so much talking already that maybe the confrontations are the problem.

(Momo can handle another problem.)

(As long as it involves Sana.)


	24. i'd rather not say for myself

**On the third night, **Momo knocks lightly on Sana’s door. Nobody is there but them. The rest of the girls went out again. Nobody forced them to come. Now the whole place is quiet. Nobody answers.

It’s alright, Momo can wait. She was already backing up when she heard Sana’s voice. The girl is talking in a mix of Japanese and English that Momo almost didn’t recognize it.

_ “I already told you, it’s only for three weeks.” _ Momo sticks her ear to the door. _"Are you kidding me? No way.” _

She can hear Sana’s footsteps. She’s pacing around the room again, something she seems to do whenever she’s anxious.

_ “I will not cut short my vacation just because of your immaturity, Yukihira.” _ Sana stops walking. _ “You’re being impossible right now."_

Her voice grows weaker and softer.

_ “I wanted you to meet them, to meet her, but you insisted on staying there.” _ Momo thinks she heard Sana sigh. _ “Just let me have this before we…” _

Momo hears herself gulp.

_ “She has nothing to do with this. Don’t get her involved.” _ Momo’s pretty sure she shouldn’t be listening. _ “I'm not defending anyone, oh my god. Just say that you're jealous over something so petty and go."_

Yeah, maybe Momo should just go...

_"I don't want to talk about this anymore. I’ll stay here for three weeks and then come back to New York, to you.” _

There’s silence.

_"You're the one I'll marry.” _ Sana says after a long while.

Momo should definitely not be listening.

_"We will get married." _Sana repeats, as if she needs to remind herself._ "What else do I need to do?"_

Momo stays still. She backs away from the door.

Momo knows this. But it hurts to hear.

She’s heard enough.

The door opens.


	25. the more you do, the more harmful it is

“What are you doing here?” Sana steps forward and closes the door behind her.

Momo steps back.

“I-” Momo starts.

“Do you need anything?”

“No.” Momo shakes her head frantically. “I mean, no... I just.” She stutters. “I overheard the conversation and- sorry. I was just passing by and I wanted to talk and then I heard your voice so I-”

Sana furrows her brows.

Momo takes out a deep breath. “Were you talking about me? In that phone call.”

Sana doesn’t answer. She just stares.

Momo doesn’t know what it means.

“Sorry, you don’t need to answer that.”

Another step back.

“Sorry.”

And another.

“I’ll just go-”

“Do me a favor.” Sana steps forward, tucking her hands in the pockets behind her jeans. She straightens her back, gaze fixed on Momo. "Go away."

“What?” Momo says, her feet stuck on the ground. She feels small.

“Don’t go near me.” Sana replies as she moves another step. Her eyes never leaving Momo’s.

“Keep your distance.” She goes for another step, takes in a breath through her nose and lets it out through her mouth.

“Can you do that for me, Momo?”

And another step.

“Make it easy.”

And another.

“Stay away from me.”

Until she is only centimeters away from Momo and they could feel each other’s breathing. Sana sees how even their height difference somehow _ fits. _

Momo is looking right into Sana’s now glistening eyes.

And for once, she understands what they are trying to say.

Momo nods once, twice.

“Okay.”

Sana closes her eyes and slowly puts her forehead on Momo’s, closing the minute gap that they still have. Sana breathes in again.

Momo is anticipating Sana's every move.

“Okay, I’ll stay away.”

Momo's voice is clear. Sana’s tears threaten to fall. She sniffles, removes her hands from her pockets, and puts her arms loosely around Momo. Their breaths, their words, their bodies, and even the spaces between them _ fit._

Momo puts one hand on Sana’s hip, the other on Sana’s cheek.

“I’ll go far.”

Momo closes her eyes, too, and nods repeatedly. Once, twice.

“Far from you.”

Sana lets out a heavy, shaky breath. She can taste Momo, just like this. It’s becoming too much.

It’s already too much.

“Farther than I have ever been from you.”

Sana lets out a sob. And it’s loud. Momo opens her eyes and cups Sana’s face with both hands, their noses touching.

“So far that you won’t even feel me.”

Momo’s voice cracks. Sana’s hands fall on Momo’s back, letting them slide to Momo’s hips, pulling them closer.

“I’ll leave you alone.”

Momo wipes Sana’s tears with her thumb. Their cries are the only thing they hear.

“Okay?”

Still with her eyes closed, Sana nods. Once, twice, multiple times.

And then Sana leans forward and leaves a peck on Momo’s lips.

Sana opens her eyes. Momo's are closed. She kisses Momo again.

And when Momo doesn’t back away, Sana gives her a long kiss.

Momo’s arms wrap around Sana. Their lips lock and the kiss turns deep. Momo tilts her head to the side, letting their tongues meet. It becomes rough, and soft, and sweet, and they are closer than ever.

Momo ends where Sana begins.


	26. toxic love

**It goes like this.**

Momo pushes Sana’s back to the door. Her hand is on Sana’s hair. So when Momo does push her, she doesn’t hurt Sana.

In fact, Sana groans at the roughness.

Momo bites Sana’s bottom lip. The strength wasn’t too much, she made sure of it. So when Momo does bite, she doesn’t hurt Sana.

In fact, Sana’s knees buckle at the softness.

Sana can’t help but pull Momo closer. Her hands travel all over, skimming the places she hasn’t touched in the last three years. So when Momo tries to pull back and breathe, Sana follows and lurches forward.

Sana can’t spend another second without Momo’s lips on hers. She can’t.

Sana opens her eyes for a moment, only to see Momo’s closed. She touches Momo’s cheek and Momo flutters her eyes open. So when Sana lets another tear trickle down her own cheek, Momo sees it.

Sana wants to say that she’s okay, that she wants this, that this does not feel wrong at all. But it seems like Momo already knows.

Momo doesn’t only know. She finally understands.

**It starts this way.**

Momo is kissing her. And Sana could stay like that for hours without break. But instead, her hands find the knob and turns it. She’s being pushed backwards, so she walks backwards. She groans and Momo stops kissing.

Actually, Momo doesn’t stop kissing. She only stops kissing Sana’s lips.

Because Momo adores her. Sana sees that. Sana feels that.

She feels it as Momo worships her neck, her jaw, her earlobe, her collarbone. She feels it as Momo trails down her body – hands and lips and teeth and tongue all over.

She feels it as Momo kisses her bare chest. She feels it as Momo pushes her on the back of the door, holding both of her hands above her head.

There are sounds that only Momo can bring out of her. Sana’s voice echoes as she sings. And the heavens open for Momo.

There are places that only Momo can go to. Sana’s body is Momo’s temple. And Momo is on her knees.

Sana sees how reverence and faith could make one person succumb. Momo looks up at her like she created hell, heaven, and earth. And on this night – she rightfully decides – she will listen only to Momo’s prayers.

Sana is omnipotent. Momo is at her mercy.

**It is as simple as this.**

Momo knows where to meet Sana, where to put Sana, where to touch Sana, where to kiss Sana.

So when she unzips Sana’s jeans and removes them swiftly, Momo knows that she _must _kiss the inside of Sana’s thighs.

Just close to where she is supposed to be, because this is where she is supposed to go first.

Sana knows where to find Momo, where to guide Momo, where to touch Momo, where to kiss Momo.

So when Momo starts placing gentle kisses on her panties, Sana grabs a handful of Momo’s hair and slightly grinds.

Just to remind Momo that, yes, it is okay to take it off at once.

So that’s exactly what Momo does. She pulls Sana’s underwear down to her ankles. Lips meet lips as Momo immediately laps on Sana’s center as soon as she sees the perfect opportune moment.

Sana uncontrollably raises one leg over Momo’s shoulder. It seems like gravity is with them when Momo particularly hits a spot and Sana’s knees give up. The possibility of one long cosmic night plays in both of their minds as the universe finally lets their stars meet.

Momo hears songs of praises. It's Sana's hoarse voice saying her name over and over and over, _Momo, Momo, Momo, _like a prayer that she has kept in for so long. They share lewd sounds, and for a good while this is the only music that can be heard.

She has never loved music this much.

Momo, like a true believer, doesn’t leave a single space in the temple unkissed. In turn, Sana lets Momo’s mouth taste what a woman on her pinnacle is like. The rise of nature drips down on Momo as Sana becomes obscene.

There is beauty in the quiet of the night.

Sana finally lifts Momo’s chin with a finger as she breathes heavily. Her chest falling up and down.

Momo decides that Sana has answered her prayer. Sana _is_ her answered prayer.

Momo stands up and Sana lavishes on her own flavor. She lifts Momo's shirt and throws them somewhere in the room. Momo is in her bra and Sana is kissing her and Momo is right where she belongs until Sana starts leading her to the bed.

She will follow Sana to the world’s end.

**It restarts right after it finishes.**

"Jump." Momo commands and Sana obeys. Momo catches her by the thighs and she feels just how ready Sana is again. This is enough. This is too much.

When Momo's knees reach the edge of the bed, she puts Sana down carefully, as if this little bubble they made would break if she does something wrong.

Momo could only groan when she felt Sana's whole body under her. And this is enough. This is too much.

If you ask her, Momo would have stayed like that for the rest of her life. That is, if Sana would allow.

But Sana doesn't.

Instead, Sana turns and rolls them both over. She fiddles hastily with Momo's zipper, as if this little bubble they made would break if she does something wrong.

Sana groans at how much she is having a _fucking _hard time. Sensing Sana's impatience, Momo sits up slowly. She stands on the bed, wiggles her way out of her own pants, throwing them carelessly on the floor, making a show for Sana whose eyes are following her.

"Get down here." Sana growls and pushes Momo down rather harshly. Momo kneels and she is eye to eye with Sana.

They kiss and Momo's lips would have bled at how hard it was - Sana was sucking and biting and it makes Momo's head spin. And then Sana protrudes her tongue and circles it on Momo's lips, tending immediately to the roughness she has caused.

Momo grows so, so _weak._

Sana sits back and Momo follows, straddling Sana. But Sana simply cannot help it anymore.

She lets Momo's back hit the sheets and trails kisses down her body, feeling the heat coming from Momo's skin. Her lips reach Momo's thigh and then she crawls up teasingly again.

It was such an illegal scene.

This danger is Momo's religion.

Momo is sure that this was how she died in her past life – beneath Sana, trapped in her sickening lust.

But to hell with her past life. At the present, Sana is kissing every part of her and Momo’s body tingles with anticipation. Sana is painfully slow and consistently rough.

What a heavenly way to die, Momo thinks.

Sana kisses her deeply. And Momo knows what's coming next. She opens herself for Sana. And Sana smirks at how Momo is so, so _willing._

Momo whines when Sana prolongs it. Because Sana is all but touching her. And Momo is getting impatient.

So when Sana finally enters – once, twice, multiple times – Momo turns uninhibited.

She arches her back and moans into Sana’s mouth. Momo is grabbing and scratching and whimpering. She intends to leave all the marks that she could give, all the marks that Sana would allow.

Their heartbeats are erratic.

Sana adds one more and Momo’s head swirls. Her hips are chasing Sana’s fingers. Momo’s arousal heightens when she suddenly becomes aware of Sana’s weight on top of her, Sana’s forehead on hers, the hot sweat, and the luscious sounds that they are making.

It’s just right. It’s too much. It’s enough.

At that, Momo unravels herself and says her name over and over and over, _Sana, Sana, Sana._

Sana is her heaven and her hell, her life and death.

And just as she was coming down from her high, she feels it.

Momo feels Sana bloom as the girl falls sleepily on her chest.

**It adds another truth.**


	27. you

**On the third morning,** the first thing that Momo sees is Sana. She lets out a sigh of relief.

Because Mina was right. This Sana in front of her is nothing like the old Sana.

The old Sana would have run away. Would have left the bed. Would have been scared. Would have avoided Momo. Would have said that it was a mistake – five out of the seven times, a drunken mistake.

The old Sana would have never talked about what happened ever again.

But this Sana in front of her reaches out to a strand of loose hair and tucks them ever so gently behind Momo’s ear, like she has all the time in the world.

This Sana is still on the bed, a thin blanket over her. She’s there – she’s _here _– and she looks so peaceful. The sun is hitting her eyes, her lips, her cheeks, and her whole body in all the right places.

This Sana is breathing calmly, looking at Momo with loving eyes that Momo could almost cry.

This Sana is asking Momo if she slept well, asking if she’s sore, asking if she’s okay, and asking if she wants to eat breakfast together – all the while tracing Momo’s outlines with her fingertips.

This Sana is in front of Momo and this Sana stayed the night.

“Baby, please don't.” Sana comes closer and Momo feels their skin collide. This is perfect, and this fits, this is warm, and this is Sana.

_If you love Sana, just tell her._

“I hate you." Momo whispers to Sana’s chest as she sniffles. Sana feels hot tears fall on her skin and she can't help but cry, too. “I hate you so much.”

Sana shushes her. And the comfort should have been enough. But Momo is willing to go beyond what they are allowed. Momo is willing to risk it all – if she even has anything to risk.

So she wraps her arms tightly around Sana and embraces the girl fully. Momo is dainty and small and fragile and weak. Sana is willing to be her strength, to be her protector, to be Momo’s everything that Sana had never been but was supposed to be – if she could even still be that at all.

“I’m here now.” Sana repeats over and over. “I’m here.”

Sana kisses the top of her head.

The space between her brows.

The tip of her nose.

The tear on her cheek.

The edge of her lips.

Sana kisses all of Momo. And Momo kisses back.

Sana worships all of Momo. And Momo sees heaven and hell.

Sana makes love to all of Momo - every single part of her.

And Momo does just the same.

So really, Momo doesn’t care if anyone from above is watching them right now, disappointed at how much they are sinning.

Momo doesn’t care if the door suddenly bursts open and one of the girls would witness how much they have missed each other.

Momo doesn't care if anyone hears her. Let them know how much she has longed for this.

Momo doesn’t care if Sana is getting married.

As long as she never loses this moment.

As long as she never loses Sana.

Never again.

Because Sana is in front of her, and Sana stayed until the morning came – until the sun is already scorching, until the room becomes all too hot once again.

Momo decides to set aside all the other things and watch them burn instead as Sana ignites a fire between them.

**The seventh truth. ** _And in the bursting flames they both do see, just how foolish love can be._


	28. when you're happy, i'm sad

**June 2015**

“Things will get better.” Sana whispers closely.

It hurts. Hurts a lot.

But Sana is here. Has always been here.

And Momo doesn’t know what to focus on.

A sobbing mess. A sad mess. A crying mess.

Momo doesn’t know what to do. Where to go. What’s next.

Because the truth is that she went to Korea to pursue her dreams.

But that dream was cut short.

“We’re okay, hm?” Sana kisses her head. “Things will get better.”

She kisses Momo’s tear-stained cheek.

"It will get better."

Momo believes her.

**April 2019**

“I was right, wasn’t I?”

Momo puts on her in-ear, hears a muffled _ “we’ll start in 2”._

And the people around her all go to their places.

Except Sana.

She is so close.

“I told you we’ll be okay.”

And then Sana smiles, her eyes light up. And Momo thinks this is enough reason to stay.

Stay backstage talking to Sana as 40,000 people chant their names.

Stay stuck on the ground as Sana looks at her with glinted eyes.

And though Momo doesn't know what it means, Momo has decided.

Decided to stay with the band as she realizes one thing.

_ “TWICE, to the stage please.” _

Sana holds her hand, squeezes it just before the lights open.

“Things got better, didn’t they, Momoring?”

She is so, so foolishly in love.

**October 2019**

“The sky’s awake,” Sana says dramatically, looking up to the moon, her arms wide open. “so _ I’m _awake.”

Momo snorts but stands, too, and goes along with it. Opens her arms. Feels the night breeze. “So we have to play.”

The wind blows. The waves hurl. Sana giggles.

Momo wants to tell her that this is her favorite sound in the world.

But Sana is talking again.

“I hope things will always be this good.”

And Momo wants to tell her that this is her favorite view in the world.

But Sana is coming close.

“I was right, you know?”

And like Sakura leaves, she falls into Momo's waiting arms.

Momo is enamored. She finally speaks.

"About what?"

Because Sana is so close.

“About you, dork.”

Because Jeju is beautiful.

“About me?”

Sana nods, tucks a loose hair behind Momo’s ear.

“Hm, about.. about us.”

And Sana looks so beautiful against the shore, against the sea, underneath the moonlight.

“What about us?”

It hurts Momo’s heart.

“We’re okay, Momoring. Things got better.”

Because Sana smiles. And she smiles so beautifully.

“Yeah, you were right about that..” Momo answers breathlessly.

Against the shore, against the sea, underneath the moonlight.

“Can I kiss you?”

Momo nods, tucks a loose hair behind Sana’s ear.

“You can.”

Sana giggles.

And the truth is that it hurts Momo’s heart.

Because Momo wants to tell her that this is her favorite kiss in the world.

But Sana tastes like wine and the Jeju skies. “Oh, I can?”

Because Sana is drunk.

And she will be for the next six kisses, except for two.

"Yeah, do it more often."

And Momo leaves after a year.

"I will."

Because hearts are unlike seasons.

"Yeah?"

They shouldn't change like this.

"Yeah."

At least, not this fast.

"Really?"

But this is Sana we're talking about.

"For as long as you would allow."

**December 2020**

It happens right after rehearsals.

Warm, thinking, decided.

“You coming with us?” Jeongyeon asks and forces a smile. “My treat.”

Momo fell in love with dancing.

“No, I think I’ll stay for a bit more.”

But Momo is exhausted.

“You reject food now. Tell me the truth?”

And so are the girls.

“I have a lot. What do you want to hear?” Momo smirks. Jeongyeon ruffles her hair.

“Just don’t tire yourself out, alright?”

The only difference is that the girls are here to stay.

"I won't."

While Momo is one foot out the door.

It happens like the first snow.

Cold, inevitable, uncalled for.

"Momoring." She calls but it falls on deaf ears. "Aren't you gonna eat?"

Momo fell in love with Sana.

“Ya, Momo, should we go, too?”

But Momo is exhausted.

“Why don't you go with him instead?"

And so is Sana.

“With who?”

The only difference is that Momo is nothing but love.

“With your little boyfriend, Sana.”

While Sana is nothing but foolish.

**December 2023**

“Marry me.” He says as he slides his hand on the table, taking Sana’s.

And she says yes.

Because the last time she went to Japan, Momo was happy.

And a year and a half was enough.

Because in Japan, Momo closed her windows.

And he is her comfort.

Because Japan is so far away.

And New York is good.

Because he is mature, and lovely, and nice, and all the things that she never was but was supposed to be for Momo.

And he is good.

And Momo is doing good.

She hopes.

Because after three years, she knows that Momo will never come back.

But Momo does.

Momo does.

**October 2024**

She takes one last look and closes her windows.

The curtains, too.

Turns off the lights.

Lucky snuggles closely.

Her phone dings.

_ Momo-unnie, you can stay at Mina’s place._

_Don’t tell Jihyo-unnie I stole her phone for a while to get your number. _

_ I’ll see you soon! _

_ Chaeng_

She ignores it.


	29. it's so ironic

"Don't marry him." Momo says as Sana stretches in front of her. She's glorious. "Please?"

Sana laughs. Her chest falls up and down, and up and down, and Momo is so in love.

"You're making it so hard for me, Momo-yah." Sana smiles and touches Momo's cheek. It's cold.

Momo takes her hand and kisses her finger, right on the ring.

"Don't marry him, Sana."

Sana just stares. Sana's eyes are brown.

And Momo loves how she understands them.

"This conversation sounds familiar, doesn't it?" Sana says, squeezing Momo's hand.

Momo nods and pulls Sana back to the bed. "That's why I'm scared of your answer."

"I won't." Sana cuddles back to Momo. "I won't marry him."

This is where she belongs.

\---

“You go out first.” Momo shoves her to the door.

“No fucking way.” Sana turns and shoves Momo instead. “You go first.”

Momo closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

Nope. She can’t do it.

“I can’t!” Momo throws her hands up, covers her face with her hands, and exhales. “They would tease us to no end.”

Momo pouts and Sana coos.

“Aww, look at you.” Sana says, smiling, pinching Momo’s cheeks. “Your aegyo doesn’t work on me. Go first. And don’t worry, just be subtle.”

“But, Sa-tang…” Momo uses her puppy eyes on Sana but to no extent. Momo suddenly realizes something. “Oh my god, Jihyo would kill me. I think she’s mad at me. But now that we did this- Oh my god, she would-”

“Shh.” Sana puts her forehead on Momo’s and talks in Japanese. “We’ll do this together.. But you _really_ need to go out first. Mi-tan is gonna roll her eyes at me and hate me for taking so long.”

Momo wants to laugh at this because she knows that Mina loves them both so much and has long waited for this moment, but Momo is _ so damn nervous _ that she literally just _ can’t. _

“Wait, I don’t even know what to say.” Momo starts. "_We _ haven’t even talked yet.”

“Okay. We’ll talk.” Sana looks deeply into Momo. “We’ll talk about us. We'll talk about our next step. But let me handle everything else. I’ll fix what I have to fix in New York and come back to you.”

Momo breathes out and takes Sana’s hand.

_ No more coldness. _

“Would it be valid to say that I’m scared?”

“I am, too.” Sana kisses Momo’s knuckles. “But this time we’ll be scared together.”

_ No more ring. _


	30. it's true

**On the fourth afternoon, **Momo comes out of the room and prepares herself. She goes down the stairs and everyone is in the living room, doing their own thing.

Sana and her spent all day locked inside the room. And of course, Momo is so damn whipped that Sana has convinced her to go out alone, saying _I need to shower first or I’ll smell literally of sex._

And then Sana kisses her softly and Momo would do _ anything _ for Sana.

After minutes of preparing her speech – if _so Sana__ and I are okay now and we kinda had sex and she’s probably not gonna marry anyone anymore at least not anytime soon I hope _ could be considered a speech – she finally turns the knob and goes down.

That’s why Momo is here, clearing her throat.

Nayeon is watching Mina and Chaeyoung play a videogame. Dahyun and Tzuyu are munching on some jellies.

Momo coughs louder.

Jeongyeon’s head is on Nayeon’s lap and she could sleep from how soft Nayeon is brushing through her hair.

Momo coughs _ even louder. _

“Hell, are you okay or do I need to take your lungs out?” Jihyo curses from the couch, headphones in. “Let me catch up with this drama peacefully.”

Momo walks to the couch. She sits down. Everything feels normal. And weird. But normal.

Dahyun says something to Tzuyu that makes the girl blush.

Nayeon is humming. Jeongyeon is fast asleep.

“Uh-” Momo starts. “So, um… Sana and I...”

“We kinda fucked.” Sana blurts out and hugs Momo from behind the couch. Momo feels her wet hair _ and _her wet kiss.

Because Sana kisses her cheek with a loud _ mwah_, lingering there for a second longer. And Momo’s heart almost flipped if it weren’t for what Sana said.

Momo closes her eyes tightly and facepalms herself. _ Way to be fucking subtle. _

Sana bites her lip and also wants to facepalm herself. This is the walk _ and _the talk of shame after all. But whatever.

This is just right.

_ "Ugh, _we know. Can you be quiet now?” Jeongyeon groans. She was already starting to dream of church bells.

“You know?” Momo gapes.

“You were so fucking loud? Hello?” Jeongyeon says. “Did you think we have soundproof walls around here?”

“Minari! You were supposed to let me win!” Chaeyoung exclaims.

“I’m not obligated to.” Mina puts her tongue out and smiles cheekily. “Another?”

“Game fucking on.” Chaeyoung says.

Sana giggles at the nonchalance and hugs Momo tighter.

“You were nervous for nothing.” Sana whispers into her ear.

Momo huffs. “As if you weren’t nervous yourself.”

Sana kisses her lips and leans her cheek on Momo’s.

“Oh my god, congratulations but please don’t disgustingly make out in front of us now.” Nayeon groans.

Tzuyu watches.

Sana is _ pink, and smiling, and hopeful, and ready. _

She can almost hear Sana's heart beating one name and one name only.

Jihyo’s drama is paused. She loves eight girls, forever.

Things are getting better.


	31. the sweet ones are dangerous in the end

**On the fourth night,** they have a bonfire. They even invited more friends.

By nature, Minatozaki Sana _ can’t _ be jealous. She’s not.

Why should she be?

Not when Jihyo brought the girl she was flirting with at the club.

And that girl is _ coincidentally _ friends with the girl that Momo _ kissed. _

Sana is _ not _ jealous.

Not at all.

She can vividly remember how Momo’s tongue traveled down _ that bitch’s _ throat.

How Momo didn't come back that night.

How she spent the night crying in Jihyo's embrace - pathetic, _fucking _pathetic.

How Momo came home with a hickey - a remembrance and an insult, a _fucking _insult.

How that hickey is still there, faintly, just below Momo's pulse point, where Momo likes being kissed the most, where one can elicit sounds from Momo - heavenly sounds, sounds that only she should make, only Sana should _fucking _make, only her, only Sana.

Okay, fine, maybe she’s just pissed.

_ Naturally. _

“Your little girlfriend over there is plotting ten thousand ways to murder me.” Seulgi scoffs. “Does she even know that you literally vomited right after we made out? I still haven’t gotten over how disgusted you were.”

"Right, right?" Momo almost shrieks as she jumps happily. “Isn’t she adorable?”

“No, absolutely not.” Momo narrows her eyes at this. Seulgi raises her hands in defeat. “I’m the one being glared at, not you. Really, is this _ my _ fault? Who kissed who first?”

Momo rolls her eyes. She gets a can of beer from the cooler and closes it roughly, making Seulgi wince. “Don’t remind me.”

“I don’t deserve this treatment.” Seulgi drinks from her cup. “I let you spend a night in my room. I slept on the damn couch. At least tell me I was a good kisser.”

Momo shoves her. Seulgi laughs it off.

They’ve become good friends.

... Maybe not when Sana is around.

Because Sana is damn right _ glaring. _

But when Momo got in her line of sight, her eyes soften.

And it makes Momo snicker. Snort. Or just laugh slightly. Whatever sound she just made created a furrow between Sana’s brows.

“Is something funny, Momo-ssi?”

Who can blame her?

The way Sana looks at her is cute.

Momo understands.

Jealousy makes Sana cute. As hell.

Sana is cute.

“You’re cute.” Momo says out loud.

Sana rolls her eyes and pushes her away when Momo tried touching her hip. “This is not at all cute, Hirai.”

“Are you _ actually _jealous?” Momo says smugly. “It hasn’t even been a day since I got you back and you are already so-”

Sana will never let her finish her sentences again.

And that’s okay.

Because right now, Sana tastes like the ocean and some cheap beer.

It’s deep, it’s intoxicating, it’s _ Sana, Sana, Sana. _

“Yeah, you got me back.” Sana breathes out, smiles, pecks once, bites Momo’s bottom lip, pecks again, deepens it. Momo tastes of the night sky and midnight promises. “No one else can kiss you like this.”

“Hmm.” Momo nods, eyes still closed. “No one else.”

See? No reason for Sana to be jealous. None at all.

“I’m not drunk, Momoring.” Sana whispers against her lips.

“Okay.” Momo says. The wind is cold. Sana blooms in her arms. “Me neither.”

\---

“We’ll go back to Korea tomorrow.” Nayeon announces. “You’re coming with us.”

Annie puts her arm around Jihyo, capturing her head in a lock. “With this kid? Not a chance.”

“I wasn’t asking.” Nayeon says. “Jihyo hasn’t smiled like this in so long so you’re coming with us.”

Annie shines. Jihyo does, too. It’s sickening to Nayeon.

“Please come with us to Seoul?” Jihyo asks with hope in her eyes. “Wait. Are you from Seoul?”

Annie stares at her. Smiles. Puts her arm around the girl properly. Softens. Passes her a can of beer.

“I hope not, but yeah.”

Jihyo stares. Smiles. Gets the beer. She wants to know this girl more.

The sound of a figurative whip is heard in the background.

Mina sits beside Nayeon, whispers _ giving you a share of my father’s company if they don’t end up together. _

Nayeon shakes her hand, intertwines it with hers. “Deal."

The wind is cold. Nayeon leans on Mina.

“You don’t wear accessories that are not significant.” Mina says suddenly. Nayeon almost didn’t hear it because of the sound of the waves and the music coming from Chaeyoung’s speaker.

Mina’s eyes are on their hands - on Nayeon’s ring. Her heart combusting with happiness as she says _ you and Jeongyeon have always belonged to each other. _

Nayeon smiles. “No one can ever really hide anything from you, can't they?”

Mina sees Dahyun put a marshmallow on a stick, hover it on the fire, give it to Tzuyu. And Tzuyu bites happily on the burnt side.

“Why hide something so beautiful?”

Sana is whispering something to Momo. And Momo nods, once, twice, multiple times. Sana laughs, hits Momo’s shoulder. Momo pretends it hurt. Sana says _ you’ve gotten overly dramatic, haven’t you? _But she kisses her bare shoulder anyway.

“Jeong and I thought we’d just wait for the right time to tell you.”

Mina hears Annie say _ I listened to your song right after it was released so yes I am your fan _ and Jihyo blushes. _ I knew it was written by you. _

“Sorry. We got too caught up with fixing Sana and Momo.”

Chaeyoung was on Jeongyeon’s back, pretending she’s on an airplane, her hands gliding in the air. Jeongyeon exclaims as she runs _Nayeonnie!_ _ I want a kid just like Chaeng!_

“We didn’t fix them, Mina. We let fate do its thing.”

Jeongyeon slows down, panting. She lets Chaeyoung get down from her back.

Chaeyoung meets Mina’s eyes, walks over, reveals what she is hiding in her hand. _ Minari, I found the best pebble in this beach. _ Mina loves her. _ The best pebble in Hawaii. _ Mina loves her so much. _ They said penguins do that to impress their partners. _

Nayeon squeezes her hand, tells Chaeyoung how sappy this all is.

And Mina sees it.

Mina sees every kind of love that radiates all around.

\---

“Do you think - perhaps - I don’t know. Should we talk to Momo?” Jihyo asks Nayeon over the drinks. Mina is listening, too. “Or Sana?”

“Should we?” Nayeon says, looking at the two girls just across them. “They look so happy I don’t want to burst their bubble. Look at them.”

Sana stands up, takes Momo’s hand, and twirls. Momo is smitten.

Jihyo sighs. “I know. But this is exactly where it all went wrong last time.”

Nayeon knows that. “I’m getting frustrated just by thinking of it.”

“That’s why we can’t let that happen again.” Jihyo is right. “Talk to them, please. They’re diving head-first again, acting like 18 year olds with raging hormones.”

“Should I really be the one to do it?” Nayeon pouts. “Hyo, I literally melt whenever Momo becomes all sappy and doe-eyed. What do I tell her?”

Mina agrees.

“Mina, stop nodding to everything that she says. And, unnie, you’re 30. Please stop pouting.” Jihyo groans. “Let me make it clear. One, Sana is practically cheating right now. Two, Momo doesn’t deserve this.”

Mina agrees. Agrees a lot.

“And three,” Jihyo whispers. “My heart hurts just knowing that Momo would give up everything she’s built in those three years with just one word from Sana.”

Yes, Mina agrees with that, too.

“I have a huge faith in Momo. She’s not like that anymore. Sana, too, of course. We're too old for this.” Jihyo continues. “But we all know that Momo would follow Sana to her world’s end.”

“And Sana’s world is not here?” Nayeon curiously turns to Jihyo.

"Momo is probably her world, no matter how cheesy that sounds. But she still has that ring." Jihyo narrows her eyes. "Though I don't really see it now."

Nayeon sighs. "Their communication skills are just so…”

“Frustrating. But also, four,” Mina finishes her sentence. “Sana has changed. She’s unlike the old Sana. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”

“Yeah, her heart is on her sleeve.. or that type of thing. I see it, too.” Jihyo laughs, shaking her head. “Ah, the memories. Remember how Momo barged in our room and said-_ ” _

\---

_ “SANA KISSED ME.” _

_ Jihyo is brushing Nayeon’s hair. It’s become a habit of hers to do one thing for her roommates before going to sleep. The other day, she removed Sana’s make-up and helped her change into pajamas. _

_ Because Sana came home all wasted and drunk. _

_ And because Jihyo loves eight girls, equally, unconditionally. _

_ Nayeon is almost asleep. Momo entered without knocking. _

_ “Again?” Nayeon hears Mina say. _

_ Momo is almost in tears. _

_ “I mean… oh.” Mina corrects herself. She pats the bed and Momo comes to her with heavy feet. _

_ Jihyo stops brushing Nayeon’s hair and the older girl whines. _

_ “Want hot choco, Moguri?” Jihyo says halfway through the door. _

_ “With marshmallows, please.” _

\---

“Why did we never get between them again?” Nayeon comments. “I had to bite my tongue a lot. I just wanted to _ smack _ their heads together.”

“Someone said never to interfere with fate.” Mina looks at Dahyun and drinks from her cup. “And then another said things will one day get better.”

Dahyun stands up and walks to Momo, interrupting Sana’s story about how _ New York is just like Seoul but with more lights and pizza. _

“And we all listened,” Jihyo puts her arms back on the sand and looks up at the sky. “Because it sounded like the biggest truth.”

Momo smiles cheekily at Dahyun. Nayeon gets a surprise kiss from Jeongyeon, making her drop the drink she's holding. She lets out a sudden yelp. _ Ya, Yoo Jeongyeon! _

Jeongyeon runs like a kid. Nayeon runs after her.

Hawaii is beautiful.

\---

“Can I borrow Momo-unnie for a while?” Dahyun gets in between a swaying Momo and Sana. She smiles, ever so brightly.

“Bring her back to me before midnight.” Sana winks at Dahyun and Dahyun nods, accepting the condition. “I was kidding, Dahyun-ah.”

Momo lets go of Sana’s hips.

“But I will, Sana-unnie.” Dahyun takes Momo’s hand and walks away. Waving her hand dismissively. “I’ll take her back before midnight!”

\---

Tzuyu hands Sana a burnt marshmallow on a stick.

"Dahyun made it." Tzuyu bites onto her own marshmallow. Sana takes hers.

They listen to Nayeon and Jeongyeon's banter.

_Maybe if you slowed down we wouldn't get wet!_

_Well maybe if you kissed me too I wouldn't have tickled you!_

_I'm tired of you, honestly._

_I've been tired since 2010._

"Excited to go home?" Tzuyu asks and Sana shakes her head.

"The opposite, actually. I'm kinda nervous." Sana admits. "I'd have to go back to New York."

"Is that home?"

Sana shakes her head again. "No."

"You think he would take this nicely?"

"I told you, Tzuyu-ah." This time, Sana just smiles. "He's a good man."

\---

“Ah, I love it here.” Dahyun sits down on the sand, barefooted. Momo follows, too. They could still hear the faint music from the bonfire.

“Are you cold, Dahyunnie?” Momo leans her head on the girl’s shoulder. “Tell me stories.”

“Hmm.” Dahyun melts into Momo. “I just miss you, that’s all. Can we stay here for a long while?”

Momo puts her chin on Dahyun’s shoulder, staring directly at her lashes. She’s wonderful, she’s Dahyun, and she’s bright.

Dahyun plays with their hands, traces figures on Momo’s palm, trailing up to her fingers. Hawaii is so, so beautiful.

“Do you want a ring, unnie?”

Momo snorts at this, closes her eyes, her forehead now on Dahyun’s shoulder. “You smell good, Dahyun-ah.”

Dahyun smiles softly and kisses the top of Momo’s head.

“You deserve a pretty ring. You really do.”

Momo looks at her again. Ever so bright, ever so wonderful, ever so Dahyun.

“Don’t you think so?” Dahyun reiterates and turns to her.

“Hm?” Momo can sleep right here.

“Don’t you think you deserve a pretty ring?”

Momo cups Dahyun’s cheek, looks at her gently. She pinches Dahyun’s nose and Dahyun scrunches. “You’re gonna talk about marriage with me, ‘hyunnie? Are we expecting a wedding soon?”

Dahyun just smiles.

Momo gasps, shoves her, eyes wide, half whispers because Tzuyu might hear. “Oh my god, really?”

“What?” Dahyun makes a surprised face. “Unnie! That’s not it!”

Momo laughs at her. “Then what is it?”

Dahyun is still smiling, but now she’s looking at her with _ something _in her eyes. It’s become a talent now, Momo supposes. How she can understand people just by looking at them.

“Remember what I told you?” Dahyun looks at the sea. “About fate.”

“Hmm. Vaguely.” Momo mumbles and smiles, too. Just because Dahyun’s is contagious. “Remind me?”

“I said it’s okay.” Dahyun says with finality. “I said we will be okay because we are all fated to be somewhere good.”

Momo loves the sea, the wind, and the waves.

“We are almost there, no?” Dahyun adds softly. “The good. The things we want are right on our faces.”

Momo loves Dahyun, too.

“We just have to reach out a little bit more. We’re already here.”

And Momo remembers.

“Unnie,” She starts again. “I want you to know that you of all people deserve to be happy.”

It’s both a blessing and a curse, to remember.

\---

_ “You and Sana-unnie?” Dahyun asks. Momo closes her locker. _

_ “Hm?” Momo smiles at her and pinches her cheeks. “Wanna get ice cream with me?” _

_ “She was pinning you, against the mirror, in the dance studio, after practice- I- I was gonna come back for my - my- and you were, like, kissing, more than that, maybe-” _

_ “Dahyun-ah.” Momo stops her. Dahyun thinks she has never seen Momo smile this weakly. “I want a chocolate flavored one.” _

_Momo finished her ice cream. Dahyun watched hers melt._

\---

“You’re listening, right?”

Momo snaps out of her reverie. “Of course, Dahyunnie.”

“Good.” The younger smiles.

\---

_ “It’s okay.” Dahyun whispers. “It’s okay...” _

_ Momo’s hands are sticky from the ice cream she just had. Dahyun can feel it on her sides. Momo was clutching onto her so tight. _

_ “You’re okay.” Dahyun believes in all kinds of love. “Shh.” _

_ Even in the love that seems to hurt much more than it’s supposed to be. _

_ “It’s not the end, I promise.” _

_ Love isn’t supposed to be like this. _

_ “I got you. You have me.” _

_ At least, not this painful. _

_ “Fate will get in between.” _

_ But she felt that kind of love radiate from Momo. _

_ “And we will all be okay.” _

\---

“Prove me right.” Dahyun asks of her. “I need to know if fate got us all in the end.”

And Momo understands.

It’s both a blessing and a curse, to understand.


	32. i know i was a fool

**On the fifth morning, **Hana calls.

“Onee-san!” Momo perks with a big smile. “Good morning to you.”

“Someone’s in a good mood.” Hana notices and smiles, too. “How are the girls?”

Momo pouts. “Why don’t you ask about me?”

“My god, what did you eat?” Hana says as she goes closer to the screen. Lucky barks. “Why are you acting all cute and disgusting?”

“Maybe we feed Momoring well.” Sana shows up from behind Momo, only covered in a thin blanket. She kisses Momo’s shoulder and Momo could’ve sworn that Hana’s eyes almost went out of their sockets.

“Uh-huh.” Hana backs away from the screen, letting go of Lucky. “Beg to differ, _ Momoring?” _

Momo looks at Sana, holding the phone eye-level. She kisses her forehead, whispers _ go shower, _and smiles softly.

Sana treads to the bathroom, lets the blanket fall to the ground, and closes the door - all when Momo was watching her.

And Momo - she can confirm this as she hears Sana hum in the bath - is so foolishly in love.

“Is it bad?” Hana asks. “You haven’t told me.”

Momo sighs and lays down on the bed again. “She’s getting married, apparently.”

Hana makes a face. “Yikes.”

“Yeah, but…” Momo drifts. “I trust her, you know?”

Hana smiles. “Of course you do.”

It’s quiet. Sana turns on the shower.

“You’re thinking a lot.” 

“We can fix this, right?” The uncertainty kills Momo day by day. She has nothing to hold onto, except for Sana’s words. “Am I being unfair to her? Are we doing it wrong?”

“Well, she's engaged, for starters.” Hana breathes in and out, clasps her hands together. “What do you want to hear from me?”

“The truth.” Momo says. “Only the truth.”

“I think you both made all the wrong decisions back then.” Hana starts. “And now you’re paying for it.”

Momo furrows her brows. “But-”

“But it’s still love, Momo.” Momo remembers. How she hates the words that come out of her sister’s mouth sometimes. “And as foolish as that sounds, love is the only good thing for you guys.”

Sana is singing.

“I’ve seen you cry. I’ve seen you happy.”

Her voice brings back one certain night.

“I’ve seen you with Sana.”

This shouldn’t be in Momo’s mind right now.

“And I hate how cheesy this all is, but you are so pathetically in love that I can see how she brings out the best in you.”

But it is.

\---

_ “Please tell me nothing will change after this.” Sana says, panting. Momo bites on her neck and she groans. “My. God.” _

_ Momo just hums, dismisses what Sana has just said. She holds Sana’s hips tighter. _

_ “Momo, please.” Momo nips on her earlobe, it’s sickening. _

_ Momo stops. She might go too far. She has to make sure. “Did you have anything?” _

_ Make sure Sana will remember. _

_ “What?” _

_ Remember their first time. _

_ “Any drink, at all.” _

_ Sana shakes her head, her eyes hazy. “I’m not drunk.” _

_ “Okay.” Momo nods, lifts up Sana’s shirt. “Me neither.” _

_ And carries Sana to the bed._

_They were still restless after it - the love haze of their first times hovering around them, poking them as if teasing for more._

_But Momo was content._

_Momo's heart was up in the sky._

_Until the time she hears Sana hum a soft melody._

_Until the time Sana sings Momo to sleep, bringing her back to earth._

\---

“Please tell me you did not just drift away.” Hana isn’t mad. “God, Momo.”

Sana’s voice is her favorite.

“Huh?”

Hana rolls her eyes. “Don’t ever,” - points her finger to the camera, to Momo - “and I mean, never,” - she glares - “come back here bringing tears.”

Momo smiles.

“I mean it.” _ There she is, _ Hana thinks. _ My little sister. _ “You both have to fix this and act your age before it gets worse again.”

\---

_ “Let’s try that.” Sana turns to her. “That thing they do miles up in the air.” _

_ “What?” Momo removes her headphones. “What thing?” _

_ “Sometimes I hate how stupid we can both be.” Sana snickers. _

_ Momo is even more confused. “What?” _

_ Sana rolls her eyes. _

_ “Sex, Momo.” She gestures around the plane. “Up here.” _

_ Momo’s lips form an ‘O’ and Sana should feel embarrassed but she isn’t. _

_ She wants to kiss Momo. _

_ “What did you have?” _

_ Sana must be losing her mind. “Relax, I’m not drunk. It was just red wine.” _

_ “And that’s enough for you to do this here?” _

_ Sana smiles. It’s cheeky. “For as long as you would allow, right?” _

_ Momo gulps. _

_ “Okay, geez. Forget it.” Sana leans back on her seat, still smiling, knowing what’s next. _

_ How can Momo forget that request? _

_ “I’ll go in first. If anyone hears us, it’s your fault.” _

\---

“You smell like cotton candy.” Momo says against the back of Sana’s hand. They are 37,000 feet up in the air. Sana's hair is back to being blonde. “I like it.”

Sana hums, removes her headphones, closes her eyes.

“Nervous?”

Sana shakes her head.

“Excited?”

Sana puts her head on Momo’s shoulder.

“Scared?”

Sana kisses her shoulder.

“Still want to be with me?”

Sana nods.

\---

_ “Do you always need to drink before we kiss?” Momo whispers. It’s suffocating in here._

_ Sana tugs Momo’s hair, pulls her closer. She kisses her cheek, just near her lips. “It gives me courage.” _

_ “That doesn’t make any sense.” Momo entraps Sana. They hear the cubicle door next to them open. _

_ “Just kiss me already.” And Momo obeys, smudging all of Sana’s lipstick in the process. _

_Later that night, Sana didn’t have the energy to clean up the evidence. Jihyo does it for her. _

_ Jihyo erases all of Momo’s traces. _

_ And Sana woke up pretending that she didn’t fuck Momo in that cubicle, at the after-party of the biggest awards ceremony that year. _

\---

The airport is busy in late October.

And it is _ even busier _when the media has something to feast on.

Example given: when all of TWICE - as in _ all _nine members of the nation’s biggest girl group - walks out of the airport together again, in all their dressed up glory, after what felt like centuries.

The fact that Jihyo was holding hands with Annie - Kim Chungha, for that matter - was already a party for the media.

But Mina was looking like a rich CEO strutting in her heels and expensive LV coat while holding hands with a Leather-Jacket-Black-Sunglasses Chaeyoung.

And Checkered-Pajamas Dahyun was tugging a sleepy Tzuyu in a huge blanket.

To add up, Nayeon was on Jeongyeon’s back, the ring sparkles, blinds whoever is looking, but still unbeknownst to the cameras.

And, of course, Sana was hugging Momo from the back, both of them wrapped in Sana’s huge brown coat.

Hirai Momo, back with the group.

It was enough cover news for the day.

But then, a black Maserati stops in front of them, while they were all lined up in front of the airport, waiting for Nayeon’s manager to come pick them up.

Sana’s heart stops.

And it’s not because Momo is playing with her fingers underneath the coat.

But because a man pulls himself out of the black car and inevitably reveals himself to everyone.

Because Sana recognizes him.

Maybe Jihyo does, too.

Because only Sana _ knows _him.

Because he waves to someone, to Sana, smiling, with his all white teeth, like he was glad to be there.

Like this surprise was supposed to be good.

Like this surprise was supposed to make Sana happy.

Because he runs up to Sana, and Sana lets go of Momo, and Momo should be shocked but she isn’t. She is stuck.

Momo is stuck.

Stuck between Sana and Yukihira.

Sana and Yukihira staring at each other.

Sana and Yukihira finally seeing each other.

And Momo steps aside.

Steps aside and looks down.

Looks down as Yukihira takes Sana’s hand, intertwines his fingers with Sana’s.

Yukihira takes Sana’s fingers, probably not feeling the absence of the coldness, unbeknownst to him, unbeknownst to the camera.

He is pulling Sana away, taking Sana away.

Yukihira is taking Sana.

As if he is picking her up.

Because he _ is _picking her up.

And Tzuyu, in her sleepy state, sees it.

Sees Sana deflate, and hide, and wanting _so badly _to say sorry.

But she doesn't.

Nayeon opens her eyes, lifts her head from Jeongyeon's shoulder.

She squints.

Lights, cars, flashes, it's bright. But the night covers the whole airport.

She almost doesn’t see it - the first snow wasn't supposed to come like this.

At least, not this early.


	33. with one's eyes closed

**October 2020**

“I can’t do it anymore.” It’s possible, Momo knows this now. How feelings change just as fast as the seasons do. She just needs to get used to it. Maybe she needs more time.

“You were never a quitter, Momo.”

That’s true. The truth hurts. “Maybe things have changed, PD-nim.”

“Give it time.”

“I gave it eight years.” It hurts Momo more than anyone else.

  
  


**March 2016**

“Tell me the truth.” Jeongyeon knows where to find her. It’s easy. It’s their room. It’s where they always meet. It’s where they always talk. All the plushies in their bed could testify.

“I have a huge one, wanna hear?” She’s putting on her pajamas. In just five months of being roommates, Jeongyeon has already seen _ everything. _

“I said ‘tell me’, right?” It’s a lovely thing to have - a confidant. Someone who would ask you how you are. Someone who would potentially be there, in all things.

“I’m in love with my best friend. For years now.” And Momo can’t hide it. She never did. She’s an open book. Her best friend is just naive about this. Maybe, probably.

“You have eight best friends.” Her pajamas are comfy. She decides that she will cuddle with the penguin plushie that Mina let her borrow. Jeongyeon takes off her bathrobe and puts on her pajamas as well. “Please don’t tell me you’re in love with Nayeon, too.”

In turn, Momo has already seen everything. Everything Yoo Jeongyeon. It’s what roommates do, she thinks. It’s natural to just let each other see. “I love unnie, but not in that way.”

“Well, I know you can’t be in love with me either.” Jeongyeon pops her head out of the oversized shirt. She's a little kid.

“Don’t break my heart now, Yoo Jeongyeon.” There’s snorting, and snickering, and a bit of laughing. This is what roommates do. It’s easy.

“Is it Sana?” Jeongyeon, as redundant as it sounds, sees everything. Maybe even the things that Sana hasn’t; that Momo hasn’t.

Momo doesn't reply. Only buries her head in the penguin plushie. It smells like jasmine.

“Tell her.” It _ should _be easy. Love is easy.

“I think she already knows.” Maybe Mina likes jasmine because it makes a person feel sleepy? Or is that just Momo?

There was silence.

“It’s Sana…” And then Momo smiled, like an idiot. Jeongyeon sits on the bed. “Sana for you. ‘Cause it’s _ Sa-tang _ for me.”

Jeongyeon hits her with a pillow. And Momo knows that Jeongyeon understands.

That’s good. Because Momo can’t say anything further than this.

She’s in love with her best friend. Period. Jeongyeon lets the moment sink in.

Because this, thankfully, is what roommates do.

The lights are off. No lamps, no brightness from the corridor. Just their breathing and their shared truths.

“Should I tell Nayeon that I like her?”

Momo loves Yoo Jeongyeon, and all the people that Yoo Jeongyeon loves.

“Maybe that would be the best thing to do.”

Momo lets that sink in.

  
  


**October 2019**

“Sana kissed me.” Momo blurts it out at dawn, in front of the ocean. It’s almost sunrise. Sana is asleep. She made sure of it. “On this spot. Just a while ago.”

“Oh.”

Momo needs to breathe. But the wind hits her face, her lashes, her lips. And it tastes just like Sana. This should stop. “Minari.”

“Hm?” Mina smells like jasmine. Momo doesn’t know what to focus on.

“I’m happy.”

Momo said that in a spur. It’s not real, this happiness. This is just what Momo wants to believe. She doesn’t even know what happiness is.

“Good." Mina doesn't shift closer to her. This is what Momo likes about Mina. She understands. "‘Cause it’s been years of tension. Please don’t be disgusting now that you’re girlfriends–”

“It’s not like that.” But it’s real, this happiness. Sometimes. Only sometimes. She feels it jump out of her chest. It’s _ so _real that it hurts.

Sana is real. Sana makes her happy.

“Eh?” The confusion on Mina’s face makes Momo’s heart clench. She is just as confused. She just kissed Sana, or Momo let Sana kiss her. She doesn’t really know how this works. But it all boils down to one thing. "What do you mean?"

"We're not anything."

Momo and Sana kissed. They’re best friends. They’re in a group.

"That's..." Mina shifts closer now, wants to understand. Can't understand. "Just.. why?"

Momo doesn't know. Momo doesn't know. Momo doesn't know.

"Momoring, don't cry."

It shouldn’t be like this.

  
  


**July 2017**

“You like her, don’t you?”

Momo jumps. It makes her instantly sweat. She goes overdrive. Maybe this scene has happened before.

Maybe Sana needs to learn how to sleep in her own bed. “Shit, Jihyo. you have to stop doing that. I almost dropped her.”

“Please, you would never.” The way Jihyo rolls her eyes tell Momo one thing: her adoration for Sana is becoming obvious. And maybe Momo doesn’t give a single shit about it.

(Okay, maybe a little.)

“Fine, you got me.” The best thing about carrying Sana is that Momo can do it for the rest of her life. And she would, you know, carry Sana for the rest of her life. For as long as Sana would allow.

“You can talk to me, you know?”

Of course, Momo knows. Talking to Jihyo is one of the most constant things she has in this world. It’s comforting. “I know. Let me just tuck her in.”

“Have you told her?” Jihyo asks and asks and asks. And it should be therapeutic. Jihyo _thinks_ this is therapeutic. But right now, it stresses Momo out.

“I don’t want to ruin us.” It’s the truth. It’s the only valid reason as to why she and Sana aren’t a thing yet. They are best friends. For five years now.

Momo needs to sort her feelings out.

“Want hot choco?” Momo likes it when Jihyo asks.

“With marshmallows all over.”

  
  
  


**January 2020**

**[Nasoongie] **Stop letting her use you.

**[Peach sis] **She’s not using me.

  
  


Sana shifts on the couch. On Momo, actually. Their thighs are touching. Their arms are intertwined. Momo ends where Sana begins.

  
  


**[Nasoongie] **You’re literally a booty-call, what the hell?

  
  


“Hey, are you cold?” Sana whispers to her ear. The little strands of hair on Momo’s nape all stand alert, like Sana can command them with just one word.

Momo shakes her head slowly. Sana fixes the blanket on top of them both. But Momo is not cold. If anything, she feels hot. And bothered.

  
  


**[Peach sis] **"Friends with benefits" sounds better.

  
  


Sana holds her hand under the cover. It’s sneaky, and light, and it makes Momo’s head spin. She locks her phone.

Sana’s hand go somewhere else and Momo’s breath _ slightly _hitches. Nayeon rolls her eyes.

The phone vibrates again. Sana felt it. So she did what she does best: be Momo’s #1 distraction, on top of all the other things that distract her best friend.

It’s what they’ve been doing recently. Distract each other.

From what - Sana doesn’t delve on it. Neither does Momo.

She pulls Momo to the closest room. The lights are off. They don’t turn it on. Nayeon is not sure what they will do, but she turns up the volume of the TV anyway. Momo left her phone on the couch, Nayeon’s message unread.

The truth is that those two idiots will do something. And whatever it is, the kids don’t need to know. Nayeon simply rejoices over the second truth: Jeongyeon will sleep in her bed tonight.

  
  


**[Nasoongie] **You’re a fool, Hirai.

  
  
  


**January 2021**

“Kissing your best friend and not telling her how you really feel? Bad coping mechanism.” Mina thinks this is unhealthy. It's stupid.

Is she really the only one who has working brain cells around here? Why can’t she ever rest?

“Kissing your best friend without the risk of losing her? I’ll take it any day.”

If love is a classroom, Momo and Sana are those idiots who don’t do their assignments.

“You can just love her back.” Mina would like to believe that she’s smart. Smart enough to confess to Chaeyoung. Smart enough to be brave, to be bold, to be honest.

Love _ isn’t _a classroom though. It doesn’t have your favorite professors and weekly evaluations. It’s not science. It’s not math. It’s unpredictable and, most of the time, asymptomatic. It comes in waves, in different forms.

“I can’t.”

It _ can’t _be just a classroom - it’s a whole world of danger and pain and sweetness and risks. It can be quite ugly.

(But it shouldn’t be like this.)

“You already do.”

_ If _love is a classroom, Sana is just making the course harder than it should be. “It’s not that easy.”

Mina wants to pull her hair out.

“Momo is in love with you.” She only said this because she wants to teach Sana. Be that kind of a friend, you know?

“Couldn’t you wait for her to say that herself?” A friend that lets Sana copy from her test. Giving her the answers. Doing the assignment for her.

To hint that, hey, stupid. You’re going the wrong way.

Because in all honesty, Sana is failing the easiest course there is. “She’s so easy to love, Sa-tang.”

“We’re okay, Mina. Things are good.” It’s not that Mina thinks Sana knows nothing about love. "Everything's good."

“They’re not. You’re losing her. We all are.”

It’s just that Mina thinks she knows better.

“There is nothing to lose between us two, Mi-tan.”

In all honesty, Mina finds them both dumb as hell. She likes to think she’s better in doing this. In relationships. In love.

“Did you fucking hit your head somewhere?”

At least, better than Sana.

  
  


**April 2020**

“Were you with someone in the comfort room?”

Momo hates lying, you see. She can’t change this. “No, Chaengie, why?”

"Who's in there now?" Chaeyoung looks like a confused little pup.

"Uh, Sana, I think?"

“I thought someone was– nevermind.” Chaeyoung is oblivious. She furrows her brows and goes back to her seat, letting Mina cuddle into her. Momo should find it endearing. But she can’t. “It was probably just some turbulence, unnie."

Sana comes out of the comfort room, with a smug smile on her face. She winks at Momo.

It shouldn’t be like this. But it feels so damn good.

  
  


**December 2019**

“Thank you for the ice cream, Dahyunnie.”

Dahyun likes holding Momo’s hand. It’s warm. Momo likes holding hands in general.

“My bed has this huge space now that I removed all my stuffed toys…”

The members think Momo should be taken care of. And Momo kind of agrees.

“Tempting.”

Momo laughs at this. It should be cute, how Dahyun tries to cheer her up. But instead, it breaks her.

“I give great cuddles, too.” Because it shouldn’t be like this.

If only Momo could love everyone just the same. But her heart could only handle so much. “I’m starting to think you’re getting clingy.”

Dahyun is bright, and beautiful, and ever so Dahyun. “It’s the Tzuyu effect.”

“Sappy.” And Momo is in love with her best friend. “But cute.”

Momo knows she needs to be taken care of. But it shouldn’t be like this.

“Let me take care of you, unnie.”

At least, not this often.

  
  


**November 2019**

“Sleepy.” The hand on Sana’s hair is gentle, and soft, and caring.

“Remove your make-up first.”

“Don’t wanna.” But she’s too sleepy to thank the source of love. Gratitude will place itself automatically. Somewhere in their daily routines. “Sleep is priority, _ leader-nim. _”

“Sana…” Jihyo always asks. It’s for confirmation. _ Have you eaten yet? Do you guys need anything? Do you need help with the recording? Are you done with your schedule? You like her, don’t you? _

And on this case,_ why did you drink too much? _

Sana is too sleepy to answer. Maybe this isn’t the right answer. Maybe Sana knows how stupid this answer is. She gives it anyway.

Love is a classroom, full of unwanted classes and anticipated breaks. She has a gang of friends who are there with her during failed experiments and embarrassing reports. A certain class is making her head go crazy. She wants to drop it already. There’s a famous hot cheerleader there somewhere in the story, who happens to be Sana’s best friend, too. They kiss sometimes.

Sana just isn’t sure if she’s living in the right alternate universe.

She is a K-pop idol, belonging in the biggest girl group in Korea. They just won another award. They just had an after-party. She still smells like alcohol and her best friend’s perfume. This is real.

“It gave me courage.”

  
  


**February 2021**

“Momo..”

It’s starting to become a prayer, Sana thinks as Momo pushes another finger. A prayer that is most likely unheard by the heavens above. But that’s alright.

“You can come.”

Momo is the only one she praises. Momo is the only one who must hear praises.

There’s no one else who could hear this. There’s no one else who _ should _hear this.

“I’m close, baby.”

To what - Sana doesn’t know. Close to her orgasm - most probably. Close to giving up everything to elope with Momo and kiss her for eternity - maybe. She thinks of it sometimes. It passes her mind. Close to risking her career so she could let herself fall in love with her best friend - _ least _likely.

“Let go, Sana.”

And she does. Sana only lets go around Momo. It’s pathetic, Sana thinks as Momo wipes her fingers on the sheets. It’s pathetic how they fuck in secret.

The panting is louder than the moaning. It’s an unspoken rule. “... shit.”

“You did well, love.” When Momo kisses her lips, it feels as if Sana is flying. But when Momo kisses her forehead, she feels nothing but guilt.

“How are you"-pant- "_so_ _good_ at this?”

Guilty because Sana feels how much Momo adores her. Sana feels how much Momo is willing to give. Sana feels that Momo is ready to risk it all.

“Practice.” Momo is smug. And Sana just loves it. Sana kisses it away, only to see it back on Momo's face. She loves this.

But Sana isn’t as committed to this as Momo. Whether it be in dancing, in singing, in performing, in loving, in being a good person overall.

Momo is so much better than her. Momo can do so much better. Wanna know what Sana can be?

Sana can be enticing, and Sana can look at Momo like she put the stars in the sky. Momo doesn't see this though. Sana is okay with that. Sometimes.

There are stardusts in their mouths, and Momo kisses them with fervor. Sana gains a truth.

“I don’t want you to have this moment with anyone else.”

Sana isn’t here for the reality. In fact, she is here to escape it. Her reality is good.

But Momo is better. It’s another thing unspoken. Momo is the only thing better. She hopes that Momo knows.

“Yeah, but you can kiss other boys, right?” The sarcasm in Momo’s voice tells Sana that the girl doesn’t know. Momo doesn’t know.

And it’s quite frustrating for Sana. They’ve talked about this. Nothing should change between them. “Yeah, sure. Bring that up during pillowtalk–”

“Bring what up? That jerk you were making out with earlier?" Momo nips on her neck. Momo - and Sana doesn't know if she should be thankful about it - is getting _so _good at this. "Was he better than me?”

“Momo, we literally just had sex.” Sana scoffs. But Momo continues to kiss her downwards. She grabs a handful of Momo's hair. "That was a huge mistake. I said I'm sor- _Ah_."

Because Momo doesn’t know.

“He kissed you. Or you kissed him. I don’t even want to know.”

Doesn't know that Sana can't spend a day without thinking of her.

“Momo, he’s nothing. What the hell are you imply–” Momo is so close to where Sana wants her to be.

“What am I then?” Momo growls and her eyes are dark. It's the last thing that Sana sees before she closes her eyes tight and arches her back.

“My best, _oh my god_" - she moans - "friend. _Fucking hell. _You're my b-best friend, Momo. _God._" Sana hates how better Momo is at everything. "You’re–”

Momo stops. Sits up. Sana is forming tears in her eyes. Momo is usually sweet. But now she doesn't even bother if Sana is shivering in the cold.

"Why'd you stop?" Sana misses her already. Sana is cold.

"Why'd you kiss him?" Sana pulls up the blanket herself. Even if Momo has already seen everything. "Why are you doing this to us?"

Sana sits up, too. She can't breathe. Why is she crying? Momo has seen everything. Everything.

“What makes me so different from him?”

But that, unfortunately, isn’t what best friends do. This isn't what _everything _means.

“This is so petty, Momoring, come on.” Sana wipes a tear before it even threatened to fall. She's tough. Momo still doesn't know. She can still keep it in.

Is Momo crying, too? Or have her eyes always been that glassy? When did Sana ever stop knowing? She knows all the triggers, all the fire alarms that could blare when with Momo.

“Will we ever stop being like this, Sana?”

“Momo, please. You’re ruining the mood.” And maybe that’s the problem, you see. Sana knows the specific details, when and where to push Momo’s buttons. Why is she hiding? Sana isn't sure.

“Yes or no?” Momo is hard to read tonight. Maybe this is what she feels like when with Sana. Sana doesn't like this. "It's a yes or no question, Sana. I need to know."

But it still gives Sana an advantage. Momo can’t seem to understand her. But Sana gets Momo, in all the sense of the word.

“You promised me nothing will change.” That’s the ball. Sana threw it. To where – Sana doesn’t mind. As long as it’s out there. Does it matter if Momo caught it?

“But it did. I’m losing my mind here, Sana.” It does. Because as far as this goes, Sana never intended to hurt Momo. This wasn’t supposed to be like this. "Things changed between us. We're here now. Sana, I lo-"

“Don’t turn this on me.” Sana didn’t mean to be rude. She’s protecting herself. She doesn’t know why. Momo is not even doing anything. Momo shouldn't say it. Not now.

“I’m not. I literally just asked–”

“What do you want then?”

It’s a bad defense mechanism, just like what Mina said.

“You. Only you.”

Momo is in love with her, just like what Mina said.

“I don’t have time for this.” Sana turns away from Momo. Her tone is condescending, she notices this. Who is this person talking – Sana isn’t sure anymore. She just wants the conversation to end.

“Don’t have time for talking? For me? Just sex? Alright.”

That was offensive. That wasn’t supposed to come out like that. But Momo meant it, didn’t she?

“What? That’s unfair.” _No, Sana, you're unfair._

“Now I’m unfair?” Momo huffs and puts on her shirt. She’s going away. Sana grabs her wrist. But her words are all different.

“You’re being cruel, Momo.” _You're the cruel one._

Her eyes are soft. Her words are venom. Sana made sure that Momo would see this. But Momo never noticed it. Never understood.

“Should you always answer this way?” Sana makes Momo confused.

Sana tries to get close, embrace her. It’s tense. It’s stiff. It’s not like them. So Sana whispers it, out loud. Because they are not supposed to be like this. “You’re making it so hard for me, Momo-yah.”

“Just don’t kiss other people, Sana.” Momo pushes her – slightly, softly – as if their little bubble would burst if she goes farther away from Sana. She runs a hand through her hair. This is frustrating. This is confusing. “Fuck.”

“I won’t, okay? Happy?” Sana cups her cheeks. Is this what best friends should do? Fight about who’s kissing who? “Please, let’s stop, Momo.”

Stop? No way. Momo wants a fight.

“Should I believe that, Sana? I can’t listen to you anymore–”

Momo wants to let it out.

“I won’t kiss him, Mo, I swear.” _Sana, you lying selfish fuck._

Momo wants to say everything.

“–not even when you’re sober.”

Momo wants to curse, and hurt, and cry about it. Sana doesn't stay away. She's always close.

“Just stay, baby, please. Momo-”

Momo wants Sana to know how selfish this is.

“How can you ask for something you can’t even do for me? Do you see us right now, Sana?”

Momo needs to know if Sana ever felt the same way. Sana just needs to say it.

“This is not us, Momo. We’re not like this. We–”

Momo needs Sana to be honest, too.

“What are we like? Tell me how you see us, Sa–tang. Let’s try to meet on the same page–”

Momo is so close to Sana, looking deep into her eyes. She loves this woman, and will forever do. But what is love without understanding and trust and if they can’t be real and true?

“Why are you doing this? We were okay. Things are good. Things were good.” This is all that Sana believes. That Momo and her are okay. That things went better, in the last couple of years.

When in reality, things went downhill since they first kissed.

“Maybe I want something better. Something real.” It’s what Momo believes in – that something could be realer than this. That hiding under the covers is not what best friends should do. That hiding from the people they love – their families, their friends, their fans, the girls – is not what they should do.

“This is as real as it can get.” And Sana distances herself again. It has become a push and pull. They can’t call it out. It’s what they do, apparently. They both can’t understand.

“Maybe I want something constant-”

“Stop it.” It hurts, you know? One of them is hurting more than the other. Who, you ask? Sana is not sure. Sana is never sure.

“Maybe I don’t want to hide from the girls anymore, Sana–”

“Stop this, Mo, just please.”

Momo is asking for something else, something Sana can’t handle. Momo is asking for a fight. Sana doesn’t want this to blow up.

“Maybe I want you to stop covering up the marks I left–”

“Don’t shout, Momo–”

“Maybe I want you to kiss me sober–”

“–just calm down, Mo, please, please.”

“Maybe–maybe I want you.”

“Don’t say that. I can’t–” This is the only thing fragile to Sana. And Momo keeps banging on this, hard enough to break it. Momo isn’t afraid to burst the bubble.

“All of you, Sana... Is that too much to ask?”

It is. It is too much. At least, for Sana.

Sana loves how Momo fits in the space between her neck and shoulders. Sana loves how Momo lets her in. This is where they both belong. But Sana hates how hot Momo's tears feel on her skin. Sana hates how Momo's breathing is rapid. It shouldn't be like this. “My god, stop this. Please, Momo. Don’t cry.”

“Only you...” Sana doesn’t deserve this. She’s a mess. And Momo is beautiful, and bright, and ever so Momo. “Only you, Sana. Is it too much? Is it?”

“Let’s sit down, hm? Breathe, please, we can– we can talk after.” Sana shouldn’t even try to fix this. “Don’t cry, love, please?”

Momo is still fighting. Come on, Sana, come out. This is what Momo wants. “Maybe I want the world to know.”

Sana closes her eyes. There are no tears she’s holding back. She just wants Momo to shut up. “You know I can’t give you that.”

“Why not?” Momo pulls.

“I don’t–I just can’t.”

“Can’t what? Love me? ‘Cause shit, Sana, we have been making love–"

“That’s not love.”

And then they are on the push again. _I'm sorry._

“That’s not what I felt when you were practically writhing under me.” It’s a reach, Momo knows this. Maybe Sana never really had feelings for her. Never really had anything. Momo is a fool.

“I can’t love you like that. I do love you, Momo, but I can’t give you that–”

“You’re fucking twisted, you know that?” _I know. I know._

“I’m sorry, please understand. I’m sorry–”

"That's the problem, Sana." Despite the harsh situation, like all other fools in love, Momo's heart beats one name. "It's some bullshit that I don't understand."

"I just can't." Sana is sobbing. Her best friend would never allow this. But she ruined her best friend. "I can't love you like that, Momo."

Momo loves her, will forever do. Even if her hand is already on the knob, her foot already one step out the door.

“You know what?" Momo huffs out. "You can go fuck yourself."

_ Sana, Sana, Sana. _


	34. just by drawing you, i'm excited

**November 1 2024 – 7:30 AM**

**PRESENT DAY**

“Sorry for leaving on your birthday.” Momo whispers. She hugs tighter. Jihyo and the rest of the girls are all watching the scene.

She feels Jeongyeon’s smile. “Just promise you’ll come back soon.”

Momo pulls herself from the hug and smiles back. She hears the last call of her flight. “Come visit. My students are all crushing on you.”

\---------------------------

**January 2022**

“How are you?”

It always starts like this, her mornings. It shouldn’t, but again, Sana guesses that this is how everything is now. She hasn’t even washed her face yet. Her throat feels dry and this water bottle isn’t enough to quench her thirst. Even her mouth tastes weird. What is it with her – and what happened last night? There is trickling water from the sink and it bothers her a bit too much.

“I made some coffee.”

Thinking _ too much _ this early doesn’t bring any good. Sana didn’t mean to close the fridge _ that _ loud. She’s just dizzy. Is this her fault?

“Sana-unnie.”

Should she say sorry then? For being so loud. For feeling so annoyed in the morning. For waking up this early. For coming home late – _ again _ . For not being able to answer simple questions like _ do you want coffee _ – who knows whose fault this is?

She’s being turned. It’s slow. Someone is holding her wrist, and the person’s hand feels cold. She should shower now, she thinks. She has a recording by 9. Rehearsals at 3. Meeting at 7. Dinner is somewhere in there–

“Are you okay?”

She smiles. It’s automatic. And it’s the best one she can offer right now. She needs another bottle. Of what – maybe not water. Maybe not this.

“You like coffee now, Tzu?”

Tzuyu opens her mouth. Closes it again. Wants to say something. Instead, she just shrugs. Sana hates how she noticed that. “People change, unnie.”

The younger girl lets go of her wrist. And it would be easy to escape this – the morning routine of _ how are you _ and _ where were you last night _.

But this is Tzuyu. And as much as Sana dislikes being interrogated, Tzuyu deserves at least an _ itty _ bit of her attention.

“Yeah, they do.”

Tzuyu opens the fridge, gets a fruit – maybe an apple, or an orange; Sana isn’t sure, the light from the windows are blinding her – and closes it gently. Tzuyu bites.

“Why pink?” Ah, so it’s an apple. Sana should really shower. “Your hair.”

Is it pink? She dyed it three days ago. For a music video. They need to make a comeback on March. Even after everything. The company thinks it’s just proper. Is it really pink? She hasn’t seen herself in days. “It’s temporary. It’ll fade soon.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

And Sana wishes, in that moment, that she can snap at Tzuyu. She wishes she can cry in front of her, maybe even be true. Get a hug. Or tell her how she’s been trying to drink but she can’t. Tell Tzuyu that she only goes out at night to avoid _ the others. _

Not to drink. Never to drink. At least, not anymore.

Not after Momo.

She wants to tell Tzuyu that she doesn’t need the courage that alcohol gives. Not today. Not last night. Not anymore.

But _ this is _ Tzuyu.

And Tzuyu is one of _ the others. _

_ The others _ being – well – anyone, actually.

Anyone that is not Momo.

“Not everything I do means something.” And she’s not particularly okay with sharing all these confessions to _ the others _, to anyone – to the girls. She wonders when she started feeling that way. “Sometimes I do it just because.”

God, she needs more water.

  
  


**February 2022**

“I’m tired.”

Jihyo almost didn’t hear it. The TV is creating too much background noise. “Huh?”

“I’m tired.” Mina shifts closer to her, takes her hand, and watches them intertwine. “May I say that again?”

“You haven’t had dinner.” Jihyo says, already standing up. “I have some take-outs.”

Before she can go anywhere, Mina grabs the sleeve of her hoodie. Eyes red, dry, heavy. Jihyo knows that Mina is mirroring her expression, her body language, her exhaustion.

But Jihyo will ignore it for as much as she can. For as much as the girls can.

“I know you are, too, Jihyo.”

Because maybe – you know, just probably – this would still work. _ They _ would still work.

Even without Momo.

“Jihyo-ya, are you listening?”

When Mina takes in a shaky breath, Jihyo can’t help but swallow the denial.

“Jihyo… Let’s talk about this, please?”

Because someone needs to say it. And she hates how she’s not brave enough to admit it.

“You get me, right, Ji? I’m tired. I really am.”

She hates how she lets Mina take the burden of saying it. She hates how weak she has become. She hates how this all seems too hard. She hates that she feels like she never learned how to be a good leader.

She hates how one member leaving is taking a toll on everyone.

“I really don’t want to say this but,” Mina sighs, pinches the bridge of her nose. Maybe even tears up. “Don’t you think we need a break?”

Jihyo hates how she can’t even blame Momo.

  
  


**March 2022**

Sana opens the door, puts her coffee on the side table.

The sound it made bothered Mina a bit too much. The tiny amount that spilled bothered Mina a bit too much. The groan that Sana let out bothered Mina a bit too much.

Sana plops on the bed next to her. On Nayeon’s bed. The dorm suddenly feels unnecessarily full.

The space she consumed bothered Mina a bit too much. The long exhale she made bothered Mina a bit too much.

“She was dancing.” The world is spinning. Maybe the coffee is still swirling in Sana’s cup from how many times she mixed it. Thinking about it makes her dizzy. “She teaches now, Mi-tan.”

Sana is never home nowadays.

“I saw.” Mina ignores the pang of pain in her chest. Sana doesn’t need to know. Why can’t she ever rest? “Good for her.”

“You came, too?” Sana turns her head to the side, facing Mina. It’s innocent. _ Fearful _? Maybe, probably. Who knows? Should tears come out? Is that still acceptable? “To Japan? When? Did you talk to her?”

“No.”

“Ah.” Sana grabs the nearest teddy bear on the bed. It smells like cherries. It’s making her eyes well up. She mumbles, softly, silently. Scared that the calm conversation would turn into another hurricane. “Are you mad, Mi-tan?”

_ Yes. _“No.” Mina swears this is as honest as she can be. “I’m tired.”

Sana shifts closer. It’s easy. The beds are adjacent to each other. Back then, Nayeon will roll over to Mina’s bed, searching for body heat. For midnight conversations. For more secrets. More truths.

It’s what roommates do.

Back then.

“Minari.”

_ No. _ “Don’t.” Mina stops her monologue. She turns her back to Sana and buries herself in the sheets even more. “Not tonight.”

“Yeah.” Sana nods, clears her throat. Almost stands up. “Not tonight. Okay.”

Mina breathes out.

But Sana knows. Knows that she can snap, she can cry, she can be true when with Mina. Maybe there would be no hugging. But at least, there would be truths. Sana knows this.

She knows that Mina will listen. So she stays on the bed. Stays cuddling the bear, until she’s sure that her cheeks would smell like cherries, too. Stays staring at Mina’s back. Stays feeling dizzy. She just stays. Until she hears Mina.

“I can’t comfort you when I can’t even handle myself, Sana.”

No, Sana knows. Mina will understand.

“Nobody can handle me. I can’t stop being selfish.” Sana’s voice cracked. Mina wants to tell Sana to fuck off, maybe she can even roll her eyes. Sana won’t even see it. But Mina doesn’t do any of that. Instead, her eyes stay there, staring at the cold wall. “I miss her so much.”

Mina lets that sink in.

“You don’t get to say that, Sana.”

Mina wants to sleep. She knows that Sana is mirroring her expression, her body language, her exhaustion. But Mina will ignore it for as much as she can.

“What if she never comes back?”

Mina’s mind is swirling. It’s making her head spin. She just wants Sana to shut the fuck up.

“What do I do then, Mi-tan?”

Mina is sleepy. Eyes red, heavy, exhausted.

“Is this my fault?”

When can she ever rest?

“I want her to get bored of teaching and dancing and find me and come back here.”

Mina understands.

“Isn’t that selfish?”

It shouldn’t be like this, for fucks sake. Mina _ needs _ to rest.

“Momo is just one plane away and–and at this point, all I want is to follow her and get out of here, too.”

It shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn’t be.

“I used to love dancing, singing, being in front of our fans, being with you – with TWICE.”

Sana knows what she should do. Sana knows. She just wants Mina – or anyone else in the group – to say it. She hates how she can’t admit it –

“But what do I do? What do I do now that I can’t even look at any of you without wanting to cry?”

They need a break.

**April 2022**

“A vodka would do please.” She says in her best English. She sits on the bar and looks around. It isn’t crowded tonight.

“One more visit and I would think you’re crushing on me.” He slides on the seat beside Sana and smiles his pretty smile. His Japanese is ragged.

_ Momo, Momo, Momo. _

“One more visit and consider me an alcoholic.” Sana gulps, alcohol tracing down her throat like lightning. She hates it. How it makes her remember. It’s not the first time.

She can drink, at last, and it’s _ satisfying. _ How she can do this again, without wanting to reason out. How she can do this again without wanting to run to Japan.

She started drinking in Korea, with Momo. She stopped drinking in Korea, after Momo. She’s drinking now, again, finally, in New York.

She stares at the glass and sees Momo’s tears. But that’s okay. She can drink again.

“I knew you were Japanese.” He smiles though Sana cannot see it. And god, if only Sana’s heart could forget. “I’m Yukihira. Watanabe Yukihira.”

_ Momo, Momo, Momo. _

“Sana. Minatozaki Sana."

She wonders how the girls are doing. 

**May 2022**

“If you don’t mind me asking–” He sits on his usual seat, memorizes the way Sana runs a hand through her hair every fifteen minutes. It’s a habit.

Sana smirks, rolls her eyes. “I mind.”

“–lucky for me, I don’t mind that you _ do _ mind–” He circles on his seat and makes a point. “Why are you in New York?”

“Did somebody send you to keep an eye on me?” Sana doesn’t look at him. She seldom does. It’s playful. “A certain Park Jihyo, maybe?”

“Who?” His furrowed brows look funny. Sana thinks boys don’t deserve to have such pretty lashes.

And then, Sana laughs. He joins in, sometimes, not always because he never gets her humor. It’s weird. In a good way, maybe. “Ah, so you don’t know shit about K-pop.”

“Is that even still a thing?” He drinks. But it’s juice. It’s too early. He can’t understand Sana’s inkling to alcohol. But this is his club, so he allows her unlimited access to it. “The last time I was in Japan, I was 22. There’s this one girl group that was like the biggest hit back then but I didn’t give a single fuck.”

Sana thinks this is funny. Just a bit. But it’s like, _ too funny _ when combined with bitter whiskey. It’s pure. Momo never tasted this bad. She was always sweet, and kind, and gentle.

“Don’t change the topic, by the way.” Yukihira _ is _ funny _ and _ pure – like that high school boy that could have been your greatest love but you were too busy pining on someone who isn’t right for you. “Why did you come to New York? I wouldn’t stay in Japan either, but..”

“I would stay there, forever,” Japan is far away. It’s home. Sana clears her throat. “If I could.”

He looks at Sana. She doesn’t return it, only looks at the rim of her glass. But she senses it. It’s curious.

Sana wants to say one thing, admit it to a stranger–“I’m in love with my best friend”–but Yuki beat her to it. Sana looks at him, his eyes afar. “It’s why I’m here, on the other side of the world, working my ass off. What about you, Sana-chan?”

The nickname comes out with concern, like he knows that Sana is hurting. Like he can sense her pain. Sana finally looks at him. It’s sad. It seems like the world is against them. She could only say one thing. And it’s true.

“You and me both.”

**June 2022**

“How about getting married? Do you want to get married?” Yukihira asks one day. It’s hot. _ Why is it hot? _Yuki fumbles with the pockets of his pants. “Sana-chan, have you seen my keys?”

Central Park isn’t as pretty as it is portrayed in movies. It’s nice though. The leaves look nice. She misses Japan. She misses the cherry blossoms. She misses kissing.

“My heart belongs to Momo, so yeah, weddings are out of the question.” Sana bites into the hotdog. This, too, is mainstream. She misses the tteokbokki and skewers. “The keys are in your jacket.”

“So you don’t want to get married?” He pouts. “I can be your best man.”

Sana only shakes her head. “I don’t think brides get to have the best man.”

“It was worth the try.”

Yuki sits down with her on the mat. He sighs, having found his keys.

  
  


**July 2022**

“We’re, like, perfect for each other.” Yukihira says one night. The fireworks are pretty in New York. It’s different here. But the lights, the cars, the streets are all the same. Maybe just a tad bit brighter.

Sana stumbles. “Yeah, two broken pieces, right?”

“I was thinking about how hopeless we both are but that can work, too.”

Sana smells like cotton candy. Sana is also mumbling. Mumbling songs? Who knows? It’s Korean. He still hasn’t listened to any of that K-pop, or whatever that is.

“She came to my apartment today.” Yuki grunts but Sana isn’t heavy. In fact, she’s too light. Her arm is slung on his shoulders. “Showed me a picture of her kid.”

Sana smiles. Her breath is hot. It smells like missing, and pain, and hurting. He wonders if she tastes just the same. “Lucky you.”

“How is that lucky?” Yuki shakes his head. Sana is wonderful. Sana is a drunken mess. Sana smells like cotton candy. He can love cotton candy. “My love, my one true love, my best friend – now has a kid with somebody else.”

“She flew all the way from Japan just to tell you. My-” Sana trips, Yuki catches her. Sana giggles, tears brimming her eyes. There’s a pang in her chest, but at the same time she feels it soar with one name being formed beneath its wings. “Momo isn’t coming back.”

  
  


**August 2022**

“Your name,” Sana traces the stars with her eyes. It’s endearing, Yuki thinks. It’s endearing how his heart cannot fall for another man, nor another woman. “Means a vast plain of snow.”

“Did you search that up?”

Sana closes her eyes. She hasn’t felt this calm in a long time. New York is so much like Seoul, nothing like Japan. “Are we friends, Yuki?”

“Uh, sure.” It’s endearing how his heart never skipped a beat, even when Sana is always this gorgeous. “You never answer questions, do you?”

It’s endearing, how he can love someone so much that he can’t forget.

“Good. We’re friends. I have a New Yorker friend.” Their shoulders meet. And it must be fate, that under the same stars, two jagged ends fit.

“Is that why you came to New York? To have a _ New Yorker _friend?” But it’s foolish, how he can be in the same space with a girl this beautiful and still not forget his first kiss. “You met the best New Yorker slash Japanese then.”

Sana hums. And anyone in his right mind would fall head over heels for her. But he doesn’t. He can’t. “Her name means peach.”

**September 2022**

“Do you know other girls back home?” He wipes the table, one by one. Carefully. He loves this place. This bar is the only thing he has. He’s proud of it.

He told Sana about how he worked hard for this. How he left Japan for this. How he came from the bottom. How he pursued his goals. Sana hates his guts. It is the only thing that Yuki believes in. He believes in himself. Sana hates his wits. Sana hates his attitude towards his employees, especially when he’s stressed. Only when he’s stressed. Because Yuki is a good man.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Sana snickers. “Thought you can’t get over your best friend yet?”

“Maybe I can meet them?” She throws a towel to Sana. “I need more girls in my life ‘cause you’re a huge weirdo and I need to stop hanging out with you. And I am still hopelessly clinging onto my best friend, but I can’t be miserable all the time, right?”

Sana laughs at this. Yuki doesn’t know what’s funny. And it’s so damn pathetic how he _ still _isn’t in love with her. He’s just waiting for it to happen any day now.

“Home is where I have se-” _ hiccup _ “Seven girls.”

Sana holds her fingers up high, emphasizing how many _ girls _ she has back in Seoul.

_ That’s eight, _ Yuki wants to say. He doesn’t have the heart to tell Sana.

“My-“ Sana smiles cheekily. “My seven sisters.”

  
  


**October 2022**

“Do you want to date?” Yuki asks one day. Sana opens her mouth to answer but she got interrupted. A little kid bumped into Yuki and he picks her up. “Hi, kiddo. Where are you going?”

It’s endearing, Sana thinks. Will she ever have a little one someday? Momo never talked about it. They never had time to.

The small girl points across the street, and indeed a woman was looking frightened, searching for her baby. Yuki ruffles her hair. “Come, let me hold your hand.”

The little girl takes it. Sana just stares at the scene. Maybe coos a little.

“Can I hold your hand, too?” The little girl looks up at Sana. And who can ever deny that? She holds her, and lets her jump. New York is busy, but they can have fun amidst the chaos.

The three cross the street together. Sana wonders for the second time. Maybe this can be. She wonders if Momo has thought of it, too.

The woman thanks them again and again. The little girl waves goodbye. Sana thinks this is endearing.

“So?” Yuki turns to her. “Do you wanna date?”

Sana loops her arm with Yuki’s. She can smell waffles.

“I mean, it wouldn’t be that bad if we would.” Sana agrees. They follow the smell. “Do you think we can kiss? ‘Cause the last time I kissed a boy it didn’t go well.”

“Don’t dream too far.” Yuki laughs. It’s perfect. Unlike Momo’s. Momo snorts when she laughs. Sana thought it was so endearing. “I wasn’t volunteering myself.”

She shoves him. It’s easy. “Well, thank God.”

There’s silence between them. They can only hear the bustling streets of New York. People chatting, honking cars, children whining, the sound of someone’s heels.

“Would you though?” Yuki opens the door for Sana. She lets her nose engulf the waffles. This is a good morning in New York.

Her hair is the darkest shade of maroon. It’s fitting. She likes it. “What?”

“Would you do it?” Yuki takes her hand. They line up. Sana eyes the menu. She wants to order everything. “Date me, I mean.”

Sana smiles at the cashier. She bows her head a little, out of sheer habit. She says _ I want your best-seller please, and put extra whipped cream _in the smallest of voice. She is still working on her English.

Yuki orders after her, his question left unanswered. It’s Sana, anyway. She never answers. Maybe because she never has answers.

She waits for him at the table, just near the window where they can watch busy lives. She sees him walk towards her. He’s on his phone, unaware of the two ladies gawking at how beautiful he is. He looks good like that, when the sun hits him just right. It smells like coffee and waffles. Sana can love coffee and waffles.

Yuki sits down in front of her, still on his phone. Sana checks her phone, too. The group chat is noisy. Momo never opens this now. Sana checks it every day, just to see what the other girls are up to. She reads Jihyo’s message and she’s gone again.

_ Happy anniversary, Teudoongs. See you later. _

Sana locks her phone and puts it down on the table. She places her balled fist under her chin, looking straight at Yuki who is still busy on his phone. His crooked brows. His tall nose. His brown eyes. Sana searches for something else. Anything.

“If you’ll be on your phone all day,” Sana says with a smile that could light up the entirety of New York. Yuki finally looks at her. He smiles, too. “I wouldn’t want a second date.”

She doesn’t see anything but his pretty face.

  
  


**November 2022**

“When’s your birthday?”

“On December.” Sana lays down a card. Yuki scoffs. It’s pathetic how only the two of them are playing this game meant for a group. They only have each other. “Uno.”

Yuki looks at his deck. _ Fuck, why is he so unlucky. _“When?”

“29th.” Sana giggles. “You don’t have anything, do you, loser?”

Yuki puts down a blue card. It’s a bright blue color. Momo liked blue, but not this kind of blue. “You can’t win in Monopoly so I guess it’s fair.”

“It’s Momo’s birthday.” Sana mumbles nonchalantly, putting down her last card. “Today.”

She was never away for Momo’s birthday. This is only the second time.

“Happy birthday, Momo.” Yuki says, already piling up the Jenga blocks.

  
  


**December 2022**

“Can we ever fall in love again?”

“Maybe.” Sana sighs, snuggling closer to Yuki. It’s comfortable. They’re having a Christmas-movies-only marathon. Sana doesn’t need Japanese, nor Korean subtitles anymore. It’s an improvement. “Did you turn off the heater? It’s cold.”

There’s silence. Only the TV can be heard. It’s warm like this.

“Sorry, I like it cold.” He sets the heater from his phone, his whole apartment centralized. “Can I tell you I love you?” It’s not at all surprising. How Sana doesn’t flinch. How she continues to watch. How her heart doesn’t flutter. How she doesn’t feel anything. “At least, maybe- um– I think I can.”

She loves him too. Not too much. Not too little.

“I can love you like this.” Yuki proclaims, intertwining his hands with Sana. She lets him. Momo’s hand fit with hers, even when they were just minimally touching. “Only like this. I’m sorry if it won’t be enough. I still think of my best friend a lot.”

Sana knows this. They can’t fall for each other. But they can love. And somehow, that alone is enough.

“I’m sorry, too.” Sana evens out her breathing. She sleeps longer now. Maybe she needs to find other things to do than crashing in Yuki’s place. “I think of Momo every day.”

She feels him kiss the top of her head. It’s easy. As always.

“Happy birthday, Sana-chan.”

**January 2023**

It's not fleeting. Not disgusting either. It’s not Momo.

“Is this okay?” Yuki asks, already nipping on Sana’s jaw, neck, earlobe, wherever Sana allows. Sana only hums. He should stop with these questions already. “Was our first kiss okay?”

She laughs, grabbing a handful of his hair when he kisses on her pulse point. “I’ve had better.”

Yuki lets her sit. Sana takes the initiative, taking off his shirt. He is a beautiful man. It’s a pity how Sana can’t fall for this.

“You’re the worst.” Yuki unbuttons Sana’s blouse slowly. They don’t shine. It’s okay. This is enough.

Sana kisses him with the remaining love she can give. “So I heard.”

Yuki’s hands never went beyond her chest. It’s okay. That’s enough.

**February 2023**

Yukihira settles this way.

“I don’t do Valentine’s day.” Sana sits on the countertop, watching Yuki cook pancakes. She’s wearing his polo. It reaches her knees. Yuki has the perfect height.

“Ah, not the romantic type?”

“I like Pepero day more.” Sana lets her feet dangle. “Are _ you _ the romantic type?”

Yuki just shakes his head for an answer. He flips the pancake and smoothly transfers it to the plate. Sana rolls her eyes because she can’t do that. She never tried. Momo cooked for her a lot. Her favorite was the shrimp pasta.

“Good thing you told me.” Yuki turns off the stove. “I was gonna be all sappy and invite you for dinner later. I guess we’re staying in, huh? Hand me the syrup.”

Sana passes the bottle. It’s sticky.

She sucks her thumb. It’s sweet. She loves sweet. “Can you put whipped cream on that?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

**March 2023**

Sana settles this way.

“Do you think we're just settling for each other?” Yuki asks one afternoon. He has endless questions that Sana doesn’t even have an answer to. He’s helping Sana find a job. And a school, because Sana wants to study. She must find better things to do in this city.

“Still have uncertainties?” Sana crosses off one number on the list. She will try again tomorrow. At least she has plans now.

“Of course. Don’t you have them, too?” Yuki lets Sana bite from his sandwich.

“I do.” Sana nods, looking like a hamster with her mouth filled like that. Yuki thinks this is endearing. “But that’s okay. This is enough. I can tolerate you.”

Yuki almost chokes. He doesn’t. Instead, he smirks, which then turned into a huge smile, revealing his all-white teeth. “Let’s get married.”

Sana is the one who chokes. She grabs the drink from Yuki’s hand.

He just shrugs. “Worth the try.”

Sana shoves him. Sana loves him. Maybe. Not too much.

  
  


**April 2023**

Yukihira falls this way.

“It’s been a year since you got here.” Yuki reminds her. They’re in a mall. They spend every waking day together. Sana is choosing from the immense amount of eyeglasses. She needs them now. “Adjusting well?”

Sana doesn’t answer. She picks up a black frame, fitting it on top of her nose. It matches her black hoodie and her maroon hair. She looks pretty like this. “This one or the brown one? I like how that one isn’t heavy but I think this fits me more.”

Yukihira lets himself stare. Sana is pretty.

“Hey, I asked you a question-“ Sana got cut off with a kiss. It’s long, and deep, and too sudden. Sana doesn’t melt. Yuki’s heart doesn’t stop. But it’s lovely. It’s nice. It’s sweet. It fits.

“Tell me if you’ll leave, okay? I kinda have trust issues.” Yuki whispers. They’re not in love. Maybe just attached. Maybe. “I think the black one is prettier on you.”

Sana nods. She has Momo’s number engraved in her mind. “You and me both.”

Yukihira thinks this is enough.

  
  


**December 2023**

Sana doesn’t fall.

“Marry me.” He slides his hand on the table. She likes this city. She likes the people. She likes her new work. It’s in a quaint coffee shop, just across Yukihira’s apartment. She doesn’t need much money anyway. Just something to distract her. “I’m joking. I meant to say happy birthday.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Yuki clears his throat. Sana just shrugs. “Okay. I got you a ring. It’s from Nana–you remember my silly grandma, right?”

“Can we get a beach wedding?”

“Sure.” Yuki slices the salmon and puts it on Sana’s plate. Momo is allergic to salmon. Yuki laughs at how easy this is. It’s perfect. Sana hates how perfect he is. “Just so you know, Sana-chan, I get jealous easily.”

“You’re a good man and you’re good for me.” Sana bites the food. It’s delicious. She loves this. “My heart belongs to Momo so you don’t have to worry about getting jealous. She kinda hates me.”

Yuki pauses. She looks at Sana. She’s in a gold dress. Her maroon – almost red – hair is tied in half. She has a little tiara on her head. She insisted that she is a princess tonight. Yuki can only agree. “Sure about that?”

“She probably does, right?” Sana chews, closes her eyes, and moans. “This food tastes so _ fucking _good.”

“I don’t get how you curse so well in English.” Yuki comments as he drinks the champagne. He should be turned on at the sound Sana just made, but really, the smudged lipstick is much more distracting. “Did you study swear words first?”

Sana giggles. This champagne is good, too.

Yuki switches to Japanese. “I haven’t met your Papa and Mama. You’ve met mine.”

Sana doesn’t pause. Doesn’t look at Yuki. She knows he’s in a tuxedo. It’s cute how they both dressed up for this. He looks like a prince. Sana can only admit it. “You have to meet the girls first.”

Sana knows this won’t be enough.

  
  


**February 2024**

“Get out.”

Yuki holds her hand. Sana holds her breath.

“Get out of here before I do something you won’t like, Minatozaki.”

Yuki doesn’t understand. Sana doesn’t either.

“I told you they’ll hate you.” Sana whispers, and then steps forward. Yuki is a bit confused. “Unnie.”

Nayeon stands up. “Get. the. fuck. out.”

“Listen.” Sana looks around. She is starting to feel like no one is on her side. “Guys, he’s my friend. At least recognize that. He’s important to me.”

Mina finally speaks. In Japanese. So Yukihira will understand. So he knows what is happening. So he knows what he’s gotten into.

“You’re important to us, too, Sa-tang.” Mina begins. “It’s only been a year. We don’t know who he is. What even happened to you in New York?”

“Do you know each other?” Mina turns to Yukihira. Safe to say that Yuki is intimidated. Mina doesn’t like his perfect teeth. “See he doesn’t even know who we are.”

Nayeon scoffs. Jeongyeon holds her back. “Even if I know who he is, I don’t really want a dick around here.”

Sana rolls her eyes and ignores Nayeon’s comment. Her heart clenches knowing that Momo will most probably say the same thing. “We won’t stay here. I just wanted you to meet him.”

“And what?” Nayeon seethes. “Ask for our blessing?”

Sana stands tall. It wasn’t supposed to be this serious. Nayeon has never been this angry before. Maybe just once.

Tzuyu sighs. “Can we stop?”

There’s a pause.

“We haven’t seen each other in a long time. I actually thought we would all mature but I guess not.” Tzuyu is looking at Nayeon. Dahyun holds her hand. “Can we all act our age for once?”

Yuki spends dinner with them. He tells them about New York, in broken Japanese-English. It’s endearing, Sana thinks. How he tries.

The girls do not comment. Nayeon wants to punch his throat so he would stop talking. Mina wants to hit Sana with a plate and shout _ you’re a fool, you always have been. _

But Chaeyoung glares at all of them (except Mina) when they try to even slightly speak.

Yuki tells them about Sana’s work and how she does her best to find a good school.

For Jihyo, it was the most quiet birthday she’s ever had.

\---------------------------

**November 1 2024 – 7:05 AM**

**PRESENT DAY**

_ “Open up.” _

Sana rubs her eyes awake. It’s too early. And too cold. _ Who turned off the heater? _

_ “Open up, Sana.” _

She groans, still in her pajamas. The knocking is really loud. It’s making her head hurt. “I’m coming! God, it’s too ea-”

Nayeon has her arms crossed. She’s in a huge padding with TWICE’s logo on it. It makes her look smaller than she is. Maybe Sana is still dreaming. Nayeon’s eyes are red, and baggy, and Sana momentarily forgets where she is.

“Unnie?” Sana blinks. Confused. Too sleepy to figure out. _ Who turned off the goddamn heater? _

Nayeon comes in uninvited. Sana doesn’t get it. Nayeon looks mad. She doesn’t take off her shoes, nor her padding.

“Where is he?” Nayeon looks around, like she’s in a haste. “You know what, forget that. It’s Jeong’s birthday and I’m here.” She turns to Sana and asks. “What are you still doing here? Haven’t you checked your phone today?”

Sana scratches her head slowly. _ Why is it cold? _ “You’re the one who came in-”

Just then, the bathroom door opens. Nayeon turned her head so fast that Sana thought she was going to break her neck. Someone walks out of the shower, hot air following him.

And then Sana remembers.

“Hi.” Yuki gives a tight-lipped smile and waves awkwardly. Nayeon wants to burn him to the ground.

Sana is silent. It’s silent. It sinks in. It’s sinking in.

“Uh, I’ll just… Put some shirt on.” Yuki says in Japanese and points somewhere. He nods. Awkwardly.

“You’re really gonna marry this guy? Fuck’s sake.” Nayeon rolls her eyes. “What did you see in him?”

Sana pinches the bridge of her nose and sits down on the couch. Yuki quietly treads into a room. Nayeon assumes it’s his bedroom, not a shared bedroom, since this is a loft, and maybe they have two bedrooms and maybe - just maybe - Sana and him didn’t sleep in one bed. Because Nayeon knows what she’s capable of. And she _ really _doesn’t want to-

“I don’t want to listen to you right now so explain yourself later.” Nayeon says sternly. She pushes her sleeves up and looks at her watch. “I need you to get out of those pajamas because Momo’s flight is in 30 minutes.”

Sana looks up. _ Wait, what? _“What?”

“Did I stutter?” Nayeon scoffs. “Minatozaki, if you really haven’t made your decision like what Jihyo said-”

“Hold the fuck up.” Sana stands up, goes into another room. She’s running. _ They did have two rooms. _ Nayeon exhales a breath she didn’t notice she was holding. “Why did nobody tell me? _ She _could have texted.”

“Well, if you have better communication skills maybe you would have known that Momo is only here for two weeks.” Nayeon follows her into the room. Sana undresses in front of her. Of course it’s alright. She has seen Sana in all kinds of dresses, in all her forms, in all her naked glory. “It’s literally negative-who-knows degrees outside and you’re going to wear an oversized _ I love Hawaii _ t-shirt?”

Sana passes by her, already jumping in some jeans. They were just in the beach a day ago. Nayeon takes off her padding coat and follows.

“Hey.” Nayeon starts. Sana goes around, looking for her shoes. “Sana.”

Sana finds it, her shoes. It’s what she used last night, Nayeon remembers. Her huge brown coat is draped on the couch. Nayeon takes that, too.

“Sana, look at me-”

“I can’t.” Nayeon has seen Sana in all her forms. They were roommates for years. She has seen Sana happy, crying, laughing, drunk, dancing, tired, failing, in victory. She has never seen Sana this defeated. “I can’t lose her again.”

Sana is breathing heavily, pacing around. “I was gonna call her last night, I swear, unnie, but Yuki and I needed to talk and I guess I fell asleep right after, _ fuck, _ she didn’t even tell me her flight was today, I should have known, _ god, Momo _-”

She’s suddenly wrapped in a hug, in a coat. Sana finally stops moving around. She sniffs, wipes her nose with the back of her hand. “You won’t. Look at me, hey,” Sana lets go of her shoes and melts slowly into Nayeon. It smells like cherries. “It’s gonna be okay. We still have time.”

Sana doesn’t really know what’s going on.

“Sana-chan,” Yuki comes out of his room and makes his presence known. He clears his throat. He’s damn right gorgeous for a straight man. Nayeon couldn’t care less. “I can drive you.”

Sana nods. Nayeon doesn’t ask further.

“I’ll just get my keys.” Yuki fumbles with the pockets of his pants. “Do you remember where I put it?”

Sana wipes her tears away. “It’s in your jacket.”

\---------------------------


	35. my foolish heart

**April 13, 2012 - 7:13 AM**

“Um, hi.” Sana has her headphones in. This is her first time on a plane. She can’t possibly be sleepy (but she is). "Is this seat taken?"

This girl’s eyes are big. It’s cute.

“Is-uh...” Sana hears her say. “Is this seat taken?”

“Oh.” _ Oh. _ The _ cute _ girl is talking to Sana. “Sorry, what?” 

“Is this–”

“Wait, no.” Sana isn’t a morning person. Please don’t talk to her in the morning. “I heard you, yes.”

“Ah. Okay, thanks.”

She’s walking away. _ No. _

“W-wait. No–I mean, yes.” Sana stutters. She inwardly cusses and outwardly facepalms herself. “_ No, _ this seat isn’t taken and _ yes, _you can sit here.”

The girl’s lips form a smile and politely bows.

She sits beside Sana and Sana gets a whiff of the perfume she’s wearing.

“Peach?” Sana’s mouth has its own mind, apparently. “Sorry, was that rude?”

“No, not at all.” The girl smiles and _ dear god, _ she’s pretty, too. “You’re right. It’s peach.”

Sana is staring.

“I’m Momo.” _ Abort mission. Her voice is low and her jawline can cut you. Abort mission. _ “I saw you during the contract signing. You’re, um…”

“Sana.” _ Oh, thank goodness, you still speak Japanese. _ “Minatozaki Sana.”

“Sorry, I’m really bad with names.”

“That’s–” Sana’s voice squeaks. She clears her throat. “That’s fine. I am, too.”

“Is this your first time in Korea?”

“It’s my first time _ flying.” _ Sana shouldn’t admit her fears to a stranger. But whatever. “You?”

And just like that, the conversation flows as they are lifted thousands of miles up in the air.

Out of all the words that they shared, Sana remembers one thing and one thing only (well, not really. Sana thinks she will remember all the details of Momo’s stories.) – and it’s too funny that it makes Sana giggle as they take their luggage inside their assigned rooms for that night.

“Why are you laughing?” What a coincidence. Just a huge coincidence that her first roommate is also Momo. “Are you always this giggly?”

_ Giggly. _ That word makes Sana _ giggle _ even more.

“I think you’re mental, Sana.” They look around the room. Sana remembers that one thing again. It’s not even funny. It’s merely a fact. It shouldn’t be funny. But it is—

Her name means peach.

  
  


**October 31 2024 - 11:05 PM**

The traffic isn’t bad.

It’s terrible.

“I like the dress you sent, by the way.” She sees him smirking, one hand on the wheel. His voice, which she hasn’t heard in person for so long, is annoying. The traffic, too, is annoying. “Should I show you my tux? I already picked one out. It looks exactly like all the other tuxedos I own.”

Sana knows that Yukihira has his reasons. She crosses her arms as he chuckles. She calms herself and looks out the window.

She doesn’t care about the reasons. Calmness is thrown out the window.

“You’re a jerk – a whole fucking jerk.” Sana means it. Maybe she really did study English swear words first. “What was that grand entrance for? And you really didn’t care to wait? Didn’t even tell me you were coming? Didn’t you know that there would be cameras at the airport?”

She said all those in a few seconds. It’s endearing, Yuki thinks. How an angry Sana is also a pretty Sana.

Seoul is no different from New York. She’s not looking at him, but she can sense it. It’s intentional. Yukihira is so different from Momo.

“No explanation needed. I simply picked you up.” There is thick sarcasm in his voice. It’s cold in here and Sana wants to get out. “Was that Momo you were with? Sorry I didn’t tell you. I arrived here just a while ago, too.”

“You’re a _ fucking _ prick, you know that?”

He laughs. Sana should be laughing with him – just to fake it. But he’s infuriating.

“You should have told me you were coming. What the fuck was that?”

There’s a green light. The car moves slowly.

_ Would you do it? _

Yuki smiles. Infuriating, infuriating.

“You kiss Momo with that mouth?”

“I do.” None of them even wince. “She loves it this way.”

Infuriating. Infuriating. Infuriating.

“I just… wanted to surprise you.” Yuki says slowly. Sana can’t bring herself to soften up. “I think this was a good idea, don’t you agree?”

“Well, surprise indeed. You’ll be all over the news tomorrow.” Sana finally looks at him. “No – tonight – right now, actually. It’s a fucking _ brilliant _ idea. Are you even aware of how big this is?”

“Look,” Yuki begins. “I didn’t even know you were this huge in Korea. And you certainly didn’t tell me you’re a dancer – were? I’ve always known you were good at singing, but dancing?”

_ Date me, I mean. _

“Please,” Sana scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Stop acting dumb.”

“So I can’t pick up my fiancée? A fiancée I don’t know shit about?” Yuki tries to calm him and Sana’s nerves – yes, both – by speaking in a slow manner. It comes out _ annoying _ instead. It isn’t working. There’s a long silence until he speaks again. “I checked you on Google.”

Sana shifts in her seat.

“That was a first, alright? For the first time, I searched you up. I promised never to do that. I just–I don’t know.” Yuki stutters a bit and Sana forgets that he is a good man. “It got me curious, okay? You never told me about this.”

There’s a red light. The car stops – too abruptly.

_ Tell me if you’ll leave, okay? _

“It doesn’t matter.” Sana looks far ahead, breathes in, out, crosses her arms tighter. “It doesn’t matter how much you know about me.”

“I know.” Yuki turns on the heater. “You’re cold. Come, let me hold your hand.”

_ I kinda have trust issues. _

“I’m serious.” Sana says sternly, looking at him. “Yukihira.”

He doesn’t look at Sana. Instead, he takes her hand, and she lets him – _ infuriating _. He kisses it – one hand on the wheel, the other intertwined with Sana’s. “I missed you.”

“I’m leaving.” Sana never fell for him. She pulls back her hand gently. It’s beginning to feel warm in this car. Even her cheeks are feeling warmer. There’s heat that’s wanting to come out of her eyes. “I’m leaving you. I am. I will. I want to get out of this car and go to–”

_ Do you think we can ever love again? _

“I know.” Yukihira says softly and smiles his pretty smile – like this is a nice moment, a good moment, a beautiful moment; like Sana doesn’t want to run into Momo’s arms and be wrapped in her embrace. “I know, okay? I just needed to make sure. It’s why I’m here.”

_ I can love you like this. _

Yukihira is smiling – like this is a romantic scene from the usual rom-coms; picking up his supposed fiancée from the airport, stuck in traffic together.

“It was worth the try.” Yuki has his palm open upwards, eyes on the road. One hand on the wheel, the other waiting to be held. “Don’t you think so, Sana-chan?”

_ I’m sorry if it won’t be enough. _

Sana doesn’t take it.

  
  


**November 1 2024 - 12:02 AM**

She storms into the penthouse that Yukihira rented. Sure, it’s nice. But this isn’t where Sana wants to be.

“You’re overreacting.”

She turned her head so fast that Yuki realizes one thing – he has never seen Sana mad.

“You know how fragile Momo and I are.” Sana seethes. “You know how much I waited for this – for _ her. _ You just took me away, in front of all those people – _ fuck, _ that’s so sly – you _ knew _ there would be people. And you’re telling me I’m overreacting?”

Yuki comes closer. “Sana–”

“Don’t”–Sana points at him–“touch me.”

It’s endearing, Yuki thinks. Mad Sana is endearing. Maybe he’s turning psycho. Sana shoves him.

“You’re a huge _ fucking _ prick.”

Sana pushes him.

“I just got her back.”

And pushes him again.

“I literally just got her back.”

And again.

“Things were good.”

Sana hits his chest one time.

“Things were finally good.”

And one more.

“Things were getting better.”

Sana cries.

Because Yukihira is infuriating.

Because he doesn’t want Yukihira’s ring.

She wants Momo.

Only Momo.

Sana cries.

Because Momo must be waiting.

Because it’s hard to get Momo’s trust.

Because she just got Momo back.

Sana cries some more.

Because Sana knows that Momo counted all the leaves that fell before she came back.

Because Sana knows that Momo is in love with her, and she is in love with Momo, and they could be together – they should be.

But Yukihira just had to be here, too, and Yukihira is in love with her (he shouldn’t be) and Sana can’t love him back – at least not like that.

He shouldn’t be in love with Sana.

Sana should call Momo.

It shouldn’t be like this.

  
  


**November 1 2024 - 2:02 AM**

She finishes her night routines.

Sana is in her pajamas, thinking of ringing up Momo. But she will explain all this when she wakes up. She must clear her head first.

She will go to Momo.

She needs to fix this first.

She will talk to Momo.

She must be ready first.

Momo will understand. They’re stronger now. Right? Momo trusts Sana.

Sana knows this.

“You can go.” Yuki is leaning on the doorway, white shirt and boxers. The scene looks so domestic and familiar that it should hurt Sana. But it doesn’t. She hates how much it doesn’t. “I’ll drive you.”

She wipes her face with a towel. The media must be researching everything about Yukihira now. Sana feels like she’s 19 again, under the scrutiny of everyone. They aren’t in New York.

“Thought you were the jealous type?” Sana mumbles in the towel. “I’ll call her first thing in the morning.”

She hears Yuki breathe in. He’s walking now.

He removes the towel from her face, cups her cheek, kisses her forehead – sweet and slow.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, nor ruin anything between you and Momo.” Sana’s eyes are heavy, red, and baggy. She sighs. Sana knows that Yuki is mirroring her expression, her body language, her exhaustion. “I’m sorry.”

Sana just nods. When can she rest?

“You are my friend before you are my fiancée.” Sana knows. Sana knows one thing very well. “I’m happy for you. It’s time we both stop being foolish, Sana-chan.”

Watanabe Yukihira is a good man.

  
  


**November 1 2024 - 7:15 AM**

**PRESENT DAY**

“Can you drive faster?” Sana bites her fingernails. Yuki hits the pedal. “Maybe faster than that?”

Yuki laughs. Why is his teeth so perfect? Why is he so infuriating?

“Relax, Sana-chan. We’re almost there.”

“Sorry, what’s funny?” Nayeon counters in her best Japanese. It’s been long since they last promoted there so it’s kind of rusty. “She said drive faster.”

Yuki gulps. “Tough crowd.”

  
  


**November 1 2024 - 7:32 AM**

“That’s my flight.” Momo looks around one last time. She sees Dahyun leaning on Tzuyu. She smiles.

This time, even when her heart is still breaking, at least she’s leaving on a good note. In addition, she gets to say her goodbyes.

“Call me.” Mina embraces Momo again. She wonders if she can take Momo home like this. Maybe they can fly to Japan like this. No one would notice. Okay, maybe their fansites would – considering how their cameras are flashing every millisecond. “Call me once you set foot in Japan.”

Momo loves how simple this all feels like.

Even when her heart is breaking.

“I’ll go now.” She waves her hand as she walks backwards. All six pairs of eyes are on her, saying goodbye, too. “Tell Nayeon-unnie that she needs to treat me to dinner for not being here.”

If not only for her dance school, she knows that she will stay with the girls. They are her her home, after all. She turns around and puts on her headphones.

As she walks towards the ground flight attendant, it hits her; it hits her just like how she bumped her head straight to the wall in middle school – yes, that moment when blood came drooling out and everything stopped making sense, because everything looked twice as hard from that point on. That moment when everybody started calling her stupid.

Something hits her. And it does so in the most ironic moment – she’s walking to the plane, thinking about this sudden burst of thought that ignited spontaneously inside of her brain, sparks running through her bloodstream — _ something _ hits her, and she feels it coming out of her chest like she would explode if she doesn’t let it out – a big bazooka of emotions resurfacing from three, four, five years ago – _ this is insane, _ maybe even too drastic of a decision, like when she decided to take a chance and fly to Korea with nothing but her dancing, because what even is she supposed to expect from this – from this turning point, from this outburst, from this drift—

She gains another truth.

And the truth? The truth is that – how did she not realize this sooner – maybe she hit her head twice as hard somewhere because everything is starting to come back to her, everything important. Everything she believes in.

_ The _ truth, the wonderful truth, the euphoric truth – is that this time around, she doesn’t _ need _ to leave.

She doesn’t have any reason to leave.

Momo runs.

  
  


**November 1 2024 - 7:37 AM**

Sana runs.

“Guys!” Sana pushes her way through the crowd. Nayeon tails behind her, also running. The cameras follow, too, but Yuki is trying hard to stop them. (Keyword: trying.)

Sana sees Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon’s heads, and the rest of the girls. They are all piled up on a bench. But no Momo.

They both reach the part of the airport where the girls are all (napping) seated, where the cameras can’t reach them.

“I’m gonna die early.” Nayeon says in the most exaggerated way as Sana asks _ where’s Momo? _

Nayeon pants heavily and Jeongyeon looks up at them.

“Jeong.” Sana asks again. “Where’s Momo?”

“Uh…” Jeongyeon says, looking around. “She already left.”

Nayeon puts her hands on her waist. “Remind me never to run in an airport again.”

“Nah, you’re just getting old.” Jeongyeon stands up to hug Nayeon. “Have you eaten yet?”

Nayeon shakes her head. Jeongyeon smells like cherries.

“I missed it?” Sana slumps her shoulders, tears almost out. “I missed her flight, didn’t I?”

The other members are all awake now. Jihyo goes over to Sana, her brows furrowed.

“I missed it, Ji. Momo left again.” Sana is going to sob anytime now. Jihyo embraces her and pats her back softly. “She left. Why does she always leave? Why didn’t she wait for me?”

Jihyo, like the good friend that she is, just listens.

“I wanted to say a lot of things. Why did she have to leave again? I’m late.” Sana doesn’t notice the change in the atmosphere. “Why am I always late? My timing is always bad. Why was there so much traffic? Why am I so unlucky?”

“Sana, what–” Jihyo asks, genuinely confused. She holds Sana from a shoulder length. The older girl’s shoulders shake from too much sobbing. “Hey, stop crying.”

Jihyo hugs her again. She waves off Jeongyeon, who’s snickering behind Sana. Mina shakes her head. Nayeon narrows her eyes at her fiancée. She kicks her knee and Jeongyeon yelps from the pain. Nayeon shout-whispers _ you big idiot, where’s Momo? _

Jeongyeon nods her chin to a direction. There’s slurping. There’s loud slurping. Nayeon opens her mouth to speak but Sana beats her.

“I missed her flight. I missed her flight, Jihyo.” Sana continues to sob. She wipes her tears. “When’s the next one? When’s the next flight? Maybe I can go to her? I can book now, right?”

Sana looks around. All the girls are looking at her with glints in their eyes.

“Help me here.” Sana stomps her feet. She’s crying like a 5 year old having tantrums. “I have so much to say. I love her. Like, so much. _ God, _ I love Momo. I have so, so, so much to say to her–”

Tzuyu tries to say it, but Sana is relentless. _ Slurp. _

Sana doesn’t hear it. “That idiot must have thought I left her for Yuki_ and that’s stupid– _”

_ Slurp. _ Sana doesn’t stop blabbering. Jihyo continues to nod, signaling that she’s listening (though she really wants to laugh, too).

“You know that isn’t true, right? You know I chose Momo?” Sana’s pleading eyes are apparently a joke. Because everyone is giggling. Sana tries to stop her sobs. (Keyword: tries.) “There weren’t even _ choices _ in the first place. It has always been Momo. Only Momo.”

Jihyo wants the whole world to know that Sana is the most precious thing. But the older girl is having her moment, so she lets her have ‘her moment’. _ Slurp. _

“I’d never do that to her–at least not again”–_ sob– _ “do you believe me? I wanted to call her last night but I”– _ sob _ –“I was fixing things with Yuki and”– _ sob– _ “she’s such an idiot. We’re both idiots. I don’t know what to do, Ji” _ –sob– _ “what do I do? Yuki and I were just– _ god, _she’s such an idiot, and this is not funny at all! Stop laughing, Jeong!”

“_ You’re _ funny.”

Sana stills when she hears it – a voice. She’ll recognize it anywhere. But she needed to turn around, for assurance. Also for confirmation. Because maybe she really is still dreaming.

Because the owner of the voice shrugs while smiling so hard, banana milk in hand. _ Slurp. _

Because the owner of the voice talks, in the sweetest way, in Sana’s favorite way.

Because the owner of her favorite voice is here.

“Um, hi.”

“Oh my god.” Sana _ attacks _ with a hug – one that is tight, too tight. A hug – _ the _ hug – that seems to take out all the air from Momo’s lungs; because Momo is sure she isn’t breathing. She stumbles back, but that’s okay. This is more than enough. _ “Oh my god, you’re an idiot.” _

And Sana knows. Sana knows she should be dreaming. She closes her eyes tighter so this dream could stay longer. Because this isn’t how real life should be. At least, not this cinematic.

“Sa-tang.” It has only been a day but oh, how she missed hearing that. “Sana, really, I can’t breathe.”

“Then don’t breathe.” Sana can stay here, just like this, forever. Momo smells like flowers and peach. Their bodies fit. “I’m not breathing myself. I can’t believe this is real.”

Momo laughs, her shoulders shake. Sana can feel the vibrations coming from her chest. It’s imperfect, Momo’s laugh. It’s endless and she snorts and it sometimes becomes breathless and honestly irritating. It’s so goddamn _ imperfect _ and Sana loves it.

“Let go now, Sa-tang.” Momo rubs her back. Sana is sure she is dreaming. But when she hears the other girls giggling in the background, she knows that she’s not. “I want to see you.”

She hears someone say _ how many times did you hear Momo’s name in that long speech? _ and another saying _ you better pay up, I told you this bull wouldn’t last a day. _

She’s not dreaming. No.

She simply is home.

“No, please let me have this moment.” Sana sniffs all of Momo. Literal long sniffs, like she wants to save Momo in her system. It’s pretty weird if you ask Dahyun. Sana is weird. “You’re here.”

_“Come_ _onnn,”_ Momo whines. “Let me see your tears for me.”

Sana shakes her head and whines _ no. _

Momo buries her head in Sana’s hair. “You still smell like how you did yesterday. You didn’t take a shower.”

“You’re teasing me.” Sana indeed lets go but not without a pout. Momo wipes her tears. “I’m sorry for not calling.”

“You’re ugly crying.” Momo smiles. It makes Sana’s heart lurch. She can feel it coming out of her chest. “You’re so pretty.”

“Shut up.” Sana hits Momo’s arm. “Why are you here?”

“Would you rather I’m in the plane right now?”

Sana shakes her head. Once, twice, multiple times.

“No,” she pouts again. She’s 28 but that’s not going to stop her from acting like a baby. “I was just asking.”

Sana wipes her snot with the back of her hand. Jihyo almost_ aww’d _ . Sana _ is _ the biggest baby.

Jeongyeon takes a picture of the scene. Momo is looking at Sana, one hand on the younger girl’s cheek, one on her hip. Sana is looking at Momo, her arm around the older girl’s shoulder. The other hand is on her nose, wiping her own snot – nevertheless, it’s still a cute shot.

“I just thought, you know,” Momo explains, looking deep into Sana’s eyes. She’s aware of the blush on her own cheeks so she pinches Sana’s softly to make it slightly fair. “Maybe I should stop being foolish and just, I don’t know, stay where my heart is.”

“So you’re staying?” Sana’s voice cracks but she’s internally jumping. She’s blooming. Momo wants to give her the world. “You’re staying in Korea?”

“I’m staying with you.”

Mina pretends to gag over that. She only completely woke up in the airport today, but she has never felt this rested in a long time.

Sana’s eyes have stars in them – they have _ Momo _ in them.

“I mean, I still have the school, but yeah.” Momo reassures and scrunches her nose for a millisecond.

Later that night, Sana will remember this moment and will swoon for hours. She will sleep with her soul content – because her soulmate is here, and they can finally be happy, and they can finally be.

She will sleep and will let Momo hold her heart, so she could keep it safe while Sana falls asleep first.

Chaeyoung cuddles closer to her girlfriend. She believes in Momo and Sana. She believes in all kinds of love. She sees all kinds of love. She sees Momo and Sana.

Nayeon kisses Jeongyeon’s cheek, saying _ buy me breakfast. _ Jeongyeon plays with the ring on her fiancée's finger. Jeongyeon knows that her heart is big enough for one woman and seven other girls. _ Sure thing, loser. _

Dahyun doesn’t need Momo to say anything. She watches as Sana leans into Momo’s touch and she understands. This isn’t the end. This is fate. She holds Tzuyu’s hand.

It’s winter, but Jihyo sees it. Jihyo sees the first sakura bloom. _ Hopeful, beautiful, promising. _ She wishes Jeongyeon a happy birthday.

And Tzuyu, amidst the airport noise, hears it – hears Sana’s heart beating one name and one name only. It’s unsurprising, but she almost can’t believe she’s finally hearing it loud and clear—

_ Momo, Momo, Momo. _


	36. i hate you

“So,” Sana clears her throat, entering the kitchen where the table is prepared. They all drove back to Jihyo’s apartment for brunch, after Nayeon (and a grumpy Dahyun) got their airport breakfast. “I think it’s only Momoring you haven’t met.”

Momo nods and gives a tight-lipped smile.

“Hi.” She stands up from the dining chair, holds out her hand, and introduces. “Momo.”

Yuki chuckles – bitterly, perhaps – but no one needs to know that. He takes Momo’s hand.

“I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Good things?” Momo tilts her head, eyes big and genuinely curious. Sana is smitten, hearing Momo speak in Japanese is entirely _ hot _. She doesn’t know why, that’s their native language for goodness’ sake. It’s not the right time to swoon.

Momo looks at her and winks. God, Sana wants to kiss her.

“Only good things.” Yuki affirms and lets go of Momo’s hand. He puts them in his pockets, leaning back and swaying on his feet. “Sana-chan never stopped talking about you. Don’t tell anyone but I actually hoped that she would.”

“Thank God she didn’t then.” Momo smiles and Sana almost gasps at what she just said. She notices briefly how Yuki loses his own smile. “It would have been a sad ending if she did, right?”

The air turns heavy. Chaeyoung drops her chopsticks and whispers a _ sorry _ to everyone present at the table. Momo is smug. Sana wants to kiss it off of her face. _ It’s not the right time. _

“I get why you love her, Sana-chan.” Yuki says, still looking at Momo. He grins. “I approve.”

Yuki gives Sana a thumbs up and ruffles her ex-fiancée’s hair. His smile is a smile that Sana knows, and Sana hits his arm – too gently for Momo’s liking.

“Please, enjoy your food.” Yuki announces and bows slightly. He tries to talk in broken but formal Korean. (Keyword: tries… and yes, Sana thinks it’s endearing.) “Thank you all for the welcome. I have to go now.”

He exits the kitchen like that, nodding to everyone, all smiling and handsome. Damn his perfect teeth.

“Where are you going?” Sana follows Yuki and Momo sits down again. Food first. Over anything. “Stay for lunch.”

“Ah, I already booked my flight. It’s at 1.” Yuki admits while zipping up his coat. Sana asks _ when did you do that? _“Last night, when you were sleeping. Also, I brought your stuff from New York. They are being shipped to your home in Japan though. I don’t know your address here.”

Sana pouts. And it’s endearing. Yuki realizes that Sana will always be dear to him.

“I’ll call you sometimes.” Yuki comes close to her and cups her cheek. This should break his heart but it doesn’t. Not when he knows that deep down, Sana loves him, too. Just not in the same way. “You’re worried about me.”

“Well, given the fact that you drink to your heart’s content and would be sulking over this” – Yuki snorts and comments _ who says I would be sulking? _ – “ _ and _ would definitely be crying like a _ big baby _ in your _ big apartment, _I know so because we've been through our heartbreaks together, tell me why I shouldn’t worry?”

Yuki opens his mouth to talk but nothing comes out. He hates how pretty Sana is.

“You’re pretty when you talk fast.” Yuki says and scrunches his nose. “You’re also pretty when you’re mad.”

“Stop that,” Sana groans, her face still in Yuki’s hold. She should cry, but she doesn’t. Nothing is broken between them. Sana knows this. “You know I’m sorry, right?”

“I know. It’s no one’s fault. This is okay.” Yuki grabs both her hands and kisses her knuckles softly. Sana goes in for a hug. He can’t help but hug back tighter. “You’re pretty in her eyes, too, Sana-chan. I can see it. Maybe even prettier.”

Sana knows and Sana is happy. She loves all kinds of love, even the ones she has lost.

“I put Nana’s ring in your jacket.” Sana whispers and lets go of Yuki. She holds him on his shoulders. “I never deserved it.”

“Sure you don’t want me to be your best man?” He breathes out and puts on his shoes. Sana holds the door open.

“Momo will kill you.” Sana giggles and Yukihira feels light. This is right. This is just right.

“I’ll go now, ok?” He takes the keys out from his pocket – he remembers – and prepares to go, his black Maserati waiting for him.

“Watanabe,” Sana calls out just as Yukihira opens his car door. “You’re the best New Yorker I know.”

“I’m the only New Yorker you know.”

Sana rolls her eyes. Yukihira gets in the car. Sana has left more than her stuff in New York – there’s her part-time job, too, and the waffles, and the Christmas movie marathons – but things, right now, are okay.

Sana closes the door. She turns around and sees Jihyo standing with her arms crossed. It smells like pancakes all around. The leader smiles.

Things are good.

\--------

**5 MONTHS LATER**

“JIHYO!!!”

Jihyo breathes in deeply for the nth time. _ Here we go. _

“I LOST IT!” Nayeon is pacing in the room, frantic and in disarray, although still careful not to step on her long dress. She knows she put the paper somewhere – in her pouch – but _ where the fuck _ is it? “I WROTE IT FOR MONTHS PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISN’T HAPPENING.”

Jihyo stands up and looks at Nayeon.

_ “Im Nayeon,” _ she starts. She holds Nayeon at arms length. “You’re getting married to your best friend.”

“I know, but-”

“You can literally say anything and she would go weak in the knees. Just improvise later,” Jihyo adds and she feels Nayeon’s shoulders relax. “Or you can write it down again.”

“I worked hard for my vows,” Nayeon pouts, whining. “I know Jeong wrote something better. I can’t even do this right. I’m so bad at this. What if I become a bad wife – a bad mom?” The way Jihyo rolled her eyes didn’t calm Nayeon. “Wait, does she even want kids? She does, right? Maybe she told me, I just forgot? We still have so much to talk about, _ fuck, _Hyo, I can’t do this–”

Jihyo hugs her, and it’s tight. Nayeon breathes out, and it’s loud.

“Jeongyeon loves you,” Jihyo says with finality. Nayeon smells like cherries. “Jeongyeon loves you so much – like, disgustingly so. You’re foolish to think that you’d even be a bad person.”

Nayeon sighs and stomps her feet. Sometimes Jihyo can’t believe this woman is two years ahead.

Someone knocks and Jihyo lets go of Nayeon. They smile knowingly at each other. Nayeon never said this but she’s grateful whenever Jihyo acts like an older sister – which is every time.

“Nayeon-unnie,” Sana peeks. Her blue dress flows softly with her as she walks in. Nayeon feels lucky to have these girls with her. “Are you ready?”

Nayeon turns to the mirror instead of Sana and breathes in deeply. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

"Ya, Minatozaki," Jihyo remembers. "Don't think you've passed the interrogation. Where have you been?"

“Somewhere, Jihyo-yah." Sana giggles and turns her attention to Nayeon. "You look beautiful.” She tucks a loose hair behind Nayeon’s ear, hugs her from the back, and Nayeon could melt. “I saw Jeongyeon a while ago. No spoilers but she’s beautiful, too.”

“Did she look nervous? I think I’m gonna die. I can’t breathe.”

Sana giggles at that.

“If doing planks with Momo means that she’s nervous, then yes.” Nayeon looks at her, and it seems like she’s gonna cry, so Sana cupped her cheeks. “Momo and Mina are giving her pep talks right now. I don’t understand you guys. You’ve been together the longest and yet…”

“That’s what I’ve been telling her, too.” Jihyo stands up again, fixing Nayeon’s bouquet.

“You’ll be fine.” Sana opens her arms and Nayeon gladly complies. This is all that she needs. “We’ll be fine.”

\---

It’s a small venue, just like how Nayeon likes it. She’s had enough of the cameras – in fact today she only has one official photographer. A few friends and family here and there, lots of flowers, a simple white dress, a small garden, her favorite girls, the love of her life – and her dream wedding is put into reality.

Sana thinks it’s beautiful.

_ “And do you, Im Nayeon,” _

Sana glances at the other side of the altar. There she sees Momo, already looking at her. It’s so pathetic how this moment makes her heart flutter. Momo’s eyes are simply on her and she feels like flying – this is really, really pathetic.

_ “take Yoo Jeongyeon as your lawfully wedded wife,” _

Momo smiles at her and never has Sana seen the sun shine this brightly – only when Momo smiles at her. Only when Momo does. Only Momo.

_ “to have and to hold, from this day forward,” _

Sana smiles back – she shouldn’t have, she knows this now – because Momo bites her lip as a reaction, and her eyes are glinting with something Sana _ can _ explain, and Sana’s knees buckle at the thought of how much she can _ actually _ understand what Momo is insinuating—

_ “for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer,” _

Sana mouths a _ shut up _ and Momo snorts – too loudly that Jihyo elbows her – as if she wasn’t also eye-fucking with her girlfriend. Momo keeps her head down, her shoulders still visibly shaking because of trying to stop herself from laughing. Sana looks up, trying to think of things other than Momo, trying to hide her smiles, her laugh, the happy tear that’s threatening to fall – she’s biting her lip now, too. Damn Momo.

_ “in sickness and in health,” _

Momo covers her red face, still giggling. Sana shifts her eyes to Chaeyoung and follows her gaze – and of course it leads to Mina, who’s standing beside Sana. Chaeyoung mouths _ hi, pretty _and Mina blushes profusely that Sana can’t help but see the stark differences between the couples in their group – that of which includes her and Momo.

_ “until death do you part?” _

When Momo finally looks up, Sana is staring at the love manifested in front of them – at Nayeon and Jeongyeon. It’s beautiful, it’s beautiful, it’s _so_ _so_ _so_ goddamn beautiful—

“I do.”

Momo is enamored, and so much so that she forgets to clap when Nayeon and Jeongyeon kissed. She forgets to throw the petals, only remembering that she has this task when she sees Sana glance at her and wink.

Momo’s entire body feels like it’s melting.

\---

“You naughty bastard,” Sana attacks Momo (softly) from behind, burying her face in the older girl’s hair.

Momo almost lost hold of her plate. She puts it down on the catering table and turns around in Sana’s arms. Their height difference is perfect – her heels are a bit taller than Sana’s.

This night is perfect.

“Where did you get that?” Momo says, smiling. She points at the pink flower placed atop Sana’s ear and fixes the baby hair around it. Sana is looking at her, shining and beautiful, and she’s so close – so, so close.

Momo’s heart could only take so much.

“Somewhere in the garden,” Sana beams while looking up at Momo’s lips. Her arms are still lazily around Momo’s hips. “You like it?”

“Hmm,” Momo nods, as if in a daze. Minatozaki Sana is the end of her. “How am I naughty?”

“You were thinking of what happened last night during the wedding,” Sana says as she comes impossibly closer. Momo can taste her now. They are breathing the same air. “I know you too well.”

Momo runs a hand through Sana’s hair and massages her scalp. Sana closes her eyes and makes sure to let out a satisfied hum.

“How can I not?” Momo continues her magic. Sana turns putty in her hold. She’s too close. “You’re always so pretty, especially like that.”

Sana opens her eyes – “like what?” – and then giggles.

Momo almost closes the gap between their lips – _ almost _ – as if ghosting, but instead chooses to place her kisses on Sana’s cheek, Sana’s earlobe. The last one was on Sana’s jaw, lingering there for a second longer.

And for _ gods sake, _ Sana hates how this woman can take the life out of her with just the smallest of actions. The inevitable moan comes out and she’s ashamed – someone must have heard that – fuck Momo and her power over Sana.

“Like this,” Momo whispers, her lips now just above Sana’s pulse point, and her hot breath making the hair on Sana’s neck stand. “All soft and whining for me.”

Momo doesn’t stop there. Apparently, torturing Sana in public is one of her goals in life. She puts her hand on Sana’s hip, the other still on Sana’s hair, and simultaneously tightens her hold on them, all the while leaving an open-mouthed kiss on Sana’s jaw – and _ where the fuck _ did she learn this?

“Momo,” Sana grips on Momo’s dress. They shouldn’t do this here. “Not here. We should–”

And just like that, Momo untangles herself from Sana.

“You’re right,” Momo turns around and gets her plate. “The food is getting cold.”

“What?” Sana asks, eyes still dilated from Momo’s play. “That’s not what I meant. We literally have a hotel–”

Momo turns to her and kisses her cheek. She hands Sana a plate of her own. “Let’s eat.”

Momo saunters to their assigned table, knowing that Sana is watching her every move – a whole damn tease. Sana follows and sits beside Momo. Two can play.

Sana leans into her ear just as Dahyun invites Tzuyu for a dance, the loud party music blasting from the speakers.

“You know I hate you to the core, right?” She smiles and holds up Momo’s chin, the latter chewing her food doe-eyed, as if she wasn’t being a devil’s incarnate just ten seconds ago. Sana tucks a loose strand of hair behind Momo’s ear. “I don’t believe for a second that you can wait the whole night. You can’t even resist me.”

“I can try.” Momo shrugs and Sana wants to kiss the smug smirk off of her face.

When did Sana become this whipped?

“I’ll let you know I’m good at waiting,” Momo adds, forking her pasta. “Especially for you, Minatozaki.”

\---

_ Good at waiting my ass, _ Sana thinks. 

Because when Momo finishes her food and asks Sana for a dance, when Sana locks her arms around Momo’s neck, when Momo falls perfectly in sync with her dancing, when Momo’s hands go up and down Sana’s back, and even more downwards – it was a danger sign – when Momo bit on her shoulder gently, and when the song changes and Sana whispers small nothings in Momo’s ear _ you smell nice, did you use my shampoo again? _–

Sana knew where this will go.

Well, certainly not in the _ comforts _ of this toilet, but it’s practically the same. She’ll take what she can get. As long as it is with Momo. Only Momo.

“I told you – _ fuck, _ ” Sana gasps, and Momo likes her this way. Momo kisses her lips harshly and Sana moans – because it should be like this, it should always be like this, it should have _ always _ been like this – “we should – _ ah, baby _– we should’ve taken this to the hotel.”

Momo groans and buries her head deeper in Sana’s neck, her hands traveling everywhere she can touch. Everywhere Sana allows.

“I can stop,” Momo says, momentarily pausing her kisses, but her hands stay tracing on Sana’s hips – Sana thinks these are Kanji letters but her mind is too hazy to even decipher. She can’t help but remember that they were in this same exact position years ago.

“If you do, I swear I’ll kill you,” Sana pulls her closer and Momo smirks again, making Sana wish she doesn’t go crazy at everything that Momo does. “Finish what you started.”

When did she become so weak?

“Hmm, I don’t know, maybe we should wait,” Momo teases, teeth grazing on Sana’s neck. “We sound like horny teenagers. It’s time to start acting our age, right?”

Sana could really kill this son of a bitch. She was too focused – crazily so – on the lips sucking roughly on her chest that she doesn’t notice those hands that went under her dress until she hears it—

_ Rrrrrrriiip. _

“What the fuck?” Sana pushes Momo away. “Momoring!”

Momo is giggling – no, _ laughing, _and boisterously, for that matter – “oh god, this is hilarious” – her hands are on her stomach, finding this scene absolutely funny.

Would anyone notice if Sana commits a murder in this cubicle?

“Are you kidding me?!” Sana hits Momo’s arms and reacts exaggeratingly, and she knows it is just damn right acceptable. Momo has a mind of a 17 year old teenage boy. Sana can’t believe this. “You tore my panties!”

Momo is tearing up. “They were–” She’s so loud. Sana can feel that someone will need to use the toilet soon and she and Momo are far from over and it _ pisses _ her off – “they were already – I haven’t laughed like – like this in a long time – _ haha _ – they were already ruined, anyway, Sa-tang – _ this is unbelievably funny , oh god–” _ Maybe Sana doesn’t want to finish this here but she’s just _ so frustrated _ – “my tummy hurts.”

“Serves you right,” Sana says, opening the cubicle door. She sees herself in the mirror and she can’t believe how deep she fell in Momo’s trap. Her hair is all over the place, Momo’s lipstick are all over her chest and neck, and her dress looks like chaos. She got into this stall hot and bothered, now Momo is simply aggravating – _ maddening. _ “Look what you’ve done to me.”

Momo gets over the supposed joke after a while.

“God help me.” She doesn’t turn to Momo who follows out, instead looking at her through the mirror. Sana internally smiles at the thought of how much Momo was also riled up. She looks like a mess herself. “I hate you so much.”

Momo walks up to her, hugs her from behind, both of them facing the mirror.

“Are you mad?” Momo pouts, the playfulness still glinting from her eyes. She kisses Sana’s shoulder. “Don’t be.”

“I’m gonna walk around without undies – there are at least a hundred people outside – and you’re pouting?” Sana melts into Momo’s hold. “You’re impossible, Hirai.”

Momo puts her hand up, holding the evidence of what she just did. Those are Sana’s favorite – Sana also can’t help but smile when she sees something shine on Momo’s finger – “I’m keeping this. We’ll go in two hours.” Momo kisses her cheek and walks further away. “See you out there, love._ ” _

Sana shakes her head and looks at the mirror one last time before going out. She can’t believe she’s blushing about this – is this a newfound kink? What Momo does to her is simply unexplainable in many ways than one. It’s beginning to feel goddamn _ stupid. _

She fixes herself – at least, as presentable as she can manage. And she sees it – this is the first time, hopefully not the last, because she finally sees it – she finally sees _ herself. _

Sana sees herself bloom—

_ pink, hopeful, and so, so foolishly in love. _


	37. i love you

**THE DAY BEFORE THE WEDDING**

Momo takes in a deep breath.

She missed this. She really did.

She taps the keycard and enters. She doesn’t need to open the light. It’s already bright out. There’s a few dust here and there. She knows her sister is taking care of this place. It’s been too long.

“These are the speakers,” Momo tells Sana, holding her hand as they walk through the studio. “This is the drinking fountain.”

Sana giggles. “I’m listening.”

“This is my old iPod,” Momo kisses the back of Sana’s hand. She pulls her down to the floor. “This is the big mirror – which cost a lot.”

“Hmm,” Sana complies, crossing her legs. “I saw you dance here.”

“Huh? When?” Momo’s furrowed brows are adorable. Sana kisses her cheek.

“Dundundun,” Sana sings in a low, playful voice. “I’m your stalker.”

“When?” Momo whines, slipping into Japanese easily. “I know Mi-tan and Jihyo went here, I think. Some other members, too. Onee-san told me…”

“Just after Mi-tan did,” Sana admits, looking down and playing with Momo’s fingers. “Before I went to New York.”

The silence engulfs them, but that’s okay. It’s always comfortable with Momo. Only Momo.

“Wanna go out?” Momo asks, breaking the quiet. “I thought I can stay here but now I’m hungry.”

“Actually,” Sana stands up, holding out both her arms to Momo. “I want to go somewhere first.”

“Huh? Where?” Momo asks, already standing up with the help of Sana.

Sana pulls Momo out the door, the beauty of Osaka spring greeting them.

“To see the sakura, of course.”

Momo will follow Sana to the world’s end.

\---

It has always been a great symbolism to Momo – sakuras and Sana – how different yet greatly similar they are to each other.

Momo first saw Sana in the contract signing, on the last week of March – that was springtime in Osaka – when the first sakura bloomed. Isn’t that romantically ironic?

She properly met Sana in April, during their flight to Korea, when they sat together – hoping to catch their dreams in a foreign country they have never been in. That was also the first week – the peak of the blossoming sakuras.

_ “Did you know that I never knew your name?” Sana says, looking up at the trees. She loves the color pink so much and Momo could see that. “I just guessed your perfume – which was peach – and then you said, yeah, it’s peach – but in Japanese it was, yeah it’s Momo.” _

_ “Wait, I know that you didn’t know my name,” She replies. Looking back at how stupid their first conversations were is just hilarious. “That’s why I introduced myself as Momo.” _

_ “Oh?” Sana looks at her. “Oh.” _

_ “We’re such idiots,” Momo says, wrapping her arms around the girl. “Can I kiss you?” _

Sana and Momo first joined JYPE in April, too, on the exact day when the sakura leaves back in Japan fell off their branches. They always wither after a week or two. Momo knows this, because she has always watched cherry blossoms as a kid – finding it a hobby to watch things bloom and fall.

_ “Baby, come here,” Sana pats the bench and Momo sits beside her. “Let’s take a picture.” _

_ They smile at the camera, the sakuras behind them. It’s beautiful, Momo thinks, how they fit in the background. This is where she belongs. _

_ “Why do you call me baby?” Momo curiously asks as they stand up again, beginning to walk leisurely. Sana locks her phone after sending the picture to the group chat. _

_ “‘Cause you’re a baby,” Sana loops her arm with Momo’s. It’s easy. “Why do you call me love?” _

_ Momo doesn’t stop walking. Sana doesn’t either. This is so easy. _

_ “‘Cause you’re my love.” _

\---

“This is nice,” Sana puts down her purse on Momo’s couch, looking around. There’s a framed picture of TWICE in Momo’s living room. “And cozy.”

“Indeed,” Momo goes to the kitchen and turns on the stove. “I’ll cook something up.”

“Where’s um…” Sana pauses, thinking about the name of Momo’s dog. “Lucky?”

“With my parents,” Momo says. “Is curry okay? I don’t have much ingredients.”

Sana skips to the kitchen and sees Momo already holding packs of who-knows-what. She nods giddily. She just wants Momo to cook for her. Whatever it is she will be happy to eat it.

Sana’s phone dings.

“Nayeon-unnie is freaking out,” she says and shows Momo the message. “Should I freak her out even more and say that we’re in Japan and can’t attend tomorrow’s wedding?”

“You dummy,” Momo shakes her head. “What was the point of being like ninjas at the airport if we’re gonna tell everyone?”

It was like a light bulb lit up above Sana’s head when Momo said that.

“Oh my god, you just gave me an idea.”

\---

“Are you crazy?” Momo shouts while brushing her teeth, the foam is coming out of her mouth. “A VLive?”

Sana stumbles as she wears her pink pajamas. “It’s a great idea, don’t ask why.”

“No, it isn’t,” Momo spits and gargles. “Jihyo would kill us.”

“She won’t,” Sana brushes her hair in front of the mirror, alongside Momo. “She can’t. We’re in Osaka, she’s in Korea.”

“Sometimes I wonder how your mind works,” Momo wipes her face with a towel. “If Jeongyeon calls us in the middle of that damn livestream, I’ll make you answer.”

“Don’t be such a killjoy,” Sana stops Momo in her tracks and ties the bathrobe properly around Momo’s hips. She’s too close. “It’s cute how you’re still scared of Jeongyeon.”

Momo rolls her eyes and huffs. “I’m not scared–”

Sana tastes like apples. And toothpaste mint. And curry.

“You are,” Momo can feel, and smell, and taste Sana’s breath. “And it’s _ so fucking cute, _Momoring.”

\---

Sana giggles. That’s her greeting. Momo smiles stupidly at her phone. Her heart could combust.

“Hiiiiiiii,” Sana beams at the camera. She can make anyone fall for her, just like this. “ONCE, hello.”

Sana stares at her own phone and laughs – you know what, that wasn’t a laugh – it was a set of _ hehehe _’s and giggles. God, why does she make it so hard for Momo?

“No one knows I’m doing this VLive,” Sana admits. “It’s been a long time, ONCE. What have you been up to?”

As a fan of Sana herself, Momo feels like she’s actually talking to her. It’s comforting, and somehow, Momo understands what ONCEs feel.

“Ah, someone said they finished their exams,” Sana is reading comments. “Congratulations, did you do well?”

Momo adores her. So, so much.

“‘Sana-unnie, I got a boyfriend now,’” Sana reads. “Oh, that’s – congratulations! Be happy! Wow, that’s really – ahh, that’s just nice.”

She can hear Sana tap on the phone. It’s relaxing. The tub also feels nice. The water is too warm. But it’s nice.

“‘Unnie, when female fans proposed to you back then, we really meant it,’” Sana scrunches her nose at this. “That’s so cute. I can’t remember if I said yes to any of you, though.”

Momo laughs – no, Sana, you didn’t. You didn’t say yes to any of them.

“Jeongyeon is texting me,” Sana says to everyone. Momo gulps. Oh no. “She said she’s hungry. Jeongyeon-ah, me too.”

Momo exhales. Jeongyeon is okay. She’s not gonna kill Momo.

“Pizza or chicken?” Sana tilts her head as she reads question after question. _ Stop that _ , Momo thinks. _ Fucking cute. _ “That’s hard. I can’t choose.”

Momo stands up from the tub and drains it. She looks at herself in the mirror and decides to put on some lipstick. She leaves a comment on Sana’s stream. _ Where are you? I wanna join the live, too! _

“Cup ramen or cooked ramen?” Sana thinks about this one. “I liked cooked ones, of course. I like it better that way.”

Momo thinks if they have a stocked ramen. Maybe she could tease Sana. She comes out of the bathroom in her robe, picking chocolates from the side table.

“Oh, everyone, I think someone else is here,” Sana announces and turns to her. “You ready?”

Momo jumps on the bed and plops next to Sana. They giggle.

“Hello,” Momo greets. “I’m not as pretty as Sana today.”

“Thank you,” Sana says in a higher voice. “You smell nice.”

“Thank you,” Momo drops the chocolates and fixes her bangs consciously. “I just got out of the shower.”

“Good job,” Sana looks at her from the phone, but turns to Momo a second after. “You look okay,” she says and helps Momo fix her bangs, too.

“That’s why I put on lipstick,” Momo laughs and opens a chocolate.

“Nice,” Sana comments and looks at Momo again. “Did you put on blush, too?”

“No,” Momo says, looking at Sana’s lips briefly. “It’s probably the heat.”

Sana pops a chocolate in her mouth. “The comments are coming really fast, look how many we are getting.”

“I watched you earlier,” Momo admits. Sana perks _ you did? _and Momo nods. “You said you don’t like cup ramen.”

“Yeah, I don’t,” she replies.

“I was about to bring cup ramen to tease you, but then I had to cook it first,” Momo says and Sana comments _ are you an anti or something? _ “It’s a hassle so nevermind.”

“Be my guest, eat it here,” Sana talks back. “I’ll make it for you.”

“Maybe later,” Momo leaves it at that and rolls her eyes. “It’s so hot in here.” 

“‘Momo looks tipsy’” Sana reads the comment and laughs.

“No, I just got out of the shower!” Momo defends herself, her face getting redder by the moment.

“Maybe it’s because it’s hot in here,” Sana adds.

“No, I didn’t drink. Not yet!”

Sana turns her head to Momo, looks at her dead in the eye, and asks, “Are you gonna drink then?”

“No!” Momo says – too abruptly. She snorts. 

“Liar,” Sana says and giggles with Momo. “You’re gonna drink that thing later.”

“Really though,” Momo stops laughing and touches her cheek. “It’s so hot in here. Touch me.”

Sana obliges and touches Momo’s cheek. “You’re burning. Did you dip yourself in the tub?”

“Yeah,” Momo says shyly. “I watched your live in the tub.”

Sana _ tries _ to not think about that. The things that come out of Momo’s mouth–

“Someone said let’s play rock, papers, scissors,” Sana looks at Momo. “You’re too lazy to move, huh?”

“Should we?”

They play it. And it’s full of giggles and laughter that Sana’s heart soars. Momo makes her feel like they're eighteen again.

“Do you want to play that tissue game?” Sana’s ideas are never thrown to the side. Momo will always, always say yes to her.

They spend the night like that, playing games and answering questions back-to-back – most questions are too obvious for them to answer. Momo knows what makes Sana laugh, and Sana knows what Momo likes.

It’s easy to fall in this – like they never even stopped, like those years of being apart didn’t happen.

“We’ll go when my battery dies,” Sana announces. “We’re in Japan, by the way. If you happen to see a comment from a certain Im Nayeon, please report it.”

Momo hits her arm. “No, please don’t. I don’t want to die from her wrath.”

Sana giggles – _ again _ – and Momo could fall over and over for her – again and again.

“ONCE asked what do you wear when you sleep,” Sana looks expectantly at Momo. “Hmm, I wear pajamas, like this one.” Sana points to her Kakao PJs. “Momoring, what about you?”

“Uh, nothing,” Momo replies nonchalantly. “I usually go to sleep wearing nothing.”

“Oh,” Sana gulps, looking anywhere now but Momo. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Momo says. “You would know, right?”

Sana looks down on Momo’s lips and then back to her phone. She clears her throat. “Anyway, it’s a Monday tomorrow so let’s all go to sleep.”

Momo chuckles. She loves driving Sana insane. Honestly, she just wants to kiss her. Like, right now, so she comes closer and asks kindly into Sana’s ear, “can I kiss you?”

It is unbeknownst to them – but definitely to their advantage – that at that exact opportune moment, Sana’s battery indeed runs out, just as Sana was nodding and before she can say _ yes, you can kiss me. _

Momo smiles into the kiss.

Because Sana’s lips are soft, maybe too soft. They kiss and it’s intoxicating and Momo _laughs_ into the kiss, and Sana says _ shh, shut the fuck up _and it makes Momo laugh even more.

Because she’s happy – she’s really happy– because it should be like this – it should have always been like this.

Because it always goes like this: _ what? _ Sana would ask breathlessly, and they’re exchanging air as if their bodies are becoming one, and this feeling feels familiar – it’s what they feel when it’s coming close to _ that _ – to whatever Sana would allow it to be – and Sana would ask again _ what? what is it? _ and Momo would answer with a _ nothing, you’re pretty like this _ and Sana would smile, barely kissing Momo’s lips, instead simply ghosting upon them, and she would ask and ask and ask _ like what? _ and Momo would go there – to where Sana allowed them to be – and she would reply with a _ like this, all soft and whining for me _ as she lets Sana tangle her legs around her waist and Momo carries her to bed.

Momo is smiling into the kiss.

Because Sana is panting under her now, and Momo likes her this way. “Sana,” Momo calls for her and Sana could only respond with a moan, because Momo is biting her neck and Momo’s fingers are playing with the buttons of her top. “Sa-tang,” Sana’s back slightly arches when Momo nips at her pulse point and her hands reach Sana’s chest, palming and kneading however she wants – just as Sana wants. “Talk to me, Sana.”

“Yes,” Sana gasps as Momo’s open-mouthed kisses reach her now exposed chest – and _ goddamn, _ did it always feel this way? “I’m– _ shit _–I’m listening.”

Momo sits up a bit and removes Sana’s top completely. “Good, I like you listening.” And Momo dips down again. It’s crazy how they fit, how every corner of Sana corresponds directly to Momo’s jagged nooks. Sana grabs a handful of Momo’s hair and Momo groans at this. Sana is starting to grind at her but Momo holds down her hips. Sana is impatient. “You’re gonna talk to me, okay?”

Sana nods frantically, eyes locked on Momo’s, like she would do anything that Momo asks – and Momo likes her this way.

“Good girl,” Momo commends her and Sana _ shouldn’t _ squirm at that, but she does – and she fucking hates how Momo noticed. “You like being called that?”

Momo chuckles at how weak Sana turns in her arms. Her heart could combust.

“Just get on with it, damn it,” Sana pulls her close and kisses her roughly. Who is Momo to disobey?

Sana unties her robe and one side falls softly off of Momo’s shoulders. Sana takes this as an opportunity and kisses the exposed part – being a bottom never stopped her. “You’re so pretty like this.”

“Like what?” Momo opens her eyes and kneels up, removing all of her robe. She throws it somewhere across the room. Sana bites her bottom lip and Momo smirks. _ Damn you, damn you, damn you. _

“Like this,” Sana sits up, too, and kneels in front of Momo. She pecks – once, twice, multiple times. “All cute and waiting for me.”

“You’re all talk,” Momo says before she kisses back, but deeper. Her hands travel to Sana’s back, and even more downwards – where Sana likes being hit the most, but Sana won’t admit it.

“_ Ah, _ ” Sana moans out with a loud laugh, and _ god, _she’s just so in love, isn’t she? She holds onto Momo’s shoulders – onto Momo’s back. She scratches there just as she pushes them down on the bed, her hair slightly falling on Momo’s face. She finds herself smiling. “You told me to talk.”

Momo tucks Sana’s hair behind her ears – she only tries, because gravity wouldn’t allow it. As Sana admires her from above, Momo does so, too, from below. It’s like seeing the wonders of the world – all at once. Except Sana is more wonderful, even when all those places are combined.

“You’re right, I told you to talk,” Momo rolls them around and Sana yelps at the sudden movement. Laughing and giggling as Momo kisses her neck, her chest, her jaw, her cheeks, her arms, her tummy – “So talk to me, Sa-tang.”

“Hmm,” Sana is so relaxed. How is she so relaxed – when Momo’s lips are close to where she wants them to be? When Momo is kissing her waist, her thighs, her – “I’m gonna talk _ really _ loud if you don’t stop.”

“Want me to stop, love?” Momo asks, her eyes dilated and her mouth ready to devour everything that Sana would offer.

“No,” Sana answers almost instantly and pushes Momo’s head closer to her center. “Stop teasing.”

“Okay,” were Momo’s last word just as she starts lapping. And Momo swears that eating Sana out must be a privilege – this is her mission in life. She could do this forever, no matter how gross that would sound to everybody else. Who fucking cares?

_ “There, Mo,” _ she hears Sana say, and really, Momo already knows where to go but she likes Sana this way – guiding her, being with her. _ “Right – there.” _

Momo likes this. She really, really does. She likes the way Sana chases her tongue. She likes the way Sana trembles. She likes the sound of Sana’s panting and moaning. She likes the way Sana grabs the sheets – and her hair – tighter. She likes the way Sana goes uninhibited, squirming and curling her toes and arching her back – just when she comes undone. She likes how warm Sana feels in her mouth. She likes how Sana tastes like.

“Sa-tang,” was Momo’s first word when she came back up to Sana. She smiles lovingly at her – even when she knows that Sana can’t see it, because Sana’s eyes are still closed. “We’ve been through a lot.”

Sana hums and Momo knows she’s listening. Her fingers trace the outline of Sana’s jaw, going down to Sana’s collarbones, Sana’s breasts–

“And you know how I feel about you, right?” Momo knows where to go, and what to do if she wants Sana’s attention – and by this, she means that getting attention from the little hairs on Sana’s nape, her breasts, her thighs, her fingers – Sana likes Momo this way.

“F’course I do, baby.” Sana hugs Momo, like a koala – all arms and legs. And it’s endearing. She just got properly fucked, but here she is, being like a kid. “But let me hear it from you.”

Who is Momo to disobey?

“I feel happy when I’m with you,” Momo starts and she blows on Sana’s neck. Sana giggles at this. “I feel like flying.”

Sana closes her eyes again. She can fall asleep like this.

“I’m happy right now,” Momo kisses her chest, her tummy. And after a while, Momo, using one hand, holds both of Sana’s wrists above her head. She kisses Sana. “I’m so happy.”

Her other hand travels down, and Sana anticipates a second round. Call her a pillow princess, whatever.

Momo likes her this way.

“Remember what our members say?” Momo asks, her fingers reaching a dangerous territory. “About fate, about timing.”

Sana’s body reacts to Momo’s touch – especially when Momo enters too suddenly. “Are we really gonna– _ ah,” _Sana tries to talk. “T-talk about the members– right now?”

“Yeah,” Momo breathes out as she pumps into Sana. “So, do you remember what they said?”

“Oh my god, I hate you,” Sana gasps and Momo laughs.

“They said,” Momo begins to explain and adds another finger. She fixes herself on top of Sana and grinds on the girl’s thigh. Sana is so worked up already – Momo is, too. “They said fate will get us in the end. It’s all just good timing.”

_ “Jesus, fuck,” _ Sana exclaims when Momo hits the spot. She holds down Momo’s hips, letting her take control. “This–this isn’t g-good ti– Momo, _ I’m so close." _

“Sa-tang,” Momo goes in harder, chasing Sana’s orgasm. She herself is already giving up. “I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

“Ask–” Sana moans and arches her back a little. Momo knows all her buttons. “Later.”

“No, I need to ask it now.” Momo says, out of breath. Her wrist is starting to hurt. “My heart is gonna explode.”

“Mo,” Sana groans out. _ “Harder, please.” _

“Sana,” Momo calls out as she pants, riding harder, pushing harder. _ “Sana, Sana, Sana.” _

Their hearts are beating – and Momo can hear it – she finally does, she can finally hear it – she hears both of their hearts beating.

_ “Baby,” _ Sana’s hold on her goes tighter. They are both reaching it – and Momo can feel _both of them_ reaching it at the same time. _ “Momo, I love you–" _

And Sana comes undone in her arms, harder than she’s ever had. And it did – unsurprisingly so – make Momo’s heart explode. Sana is still guiding her, holding her down. Momo feels them wanting to come out – the words – they’re coming out, they’re coming out, they’re gonna come out—

“Willyoupleasemarryme,” Momo blurts out just before she moans loudly, coming in waves on Sana’s thigh.

And then, it’s quiet. And Momo hears them – she still hears their hearts beating. Momo is happy. She really is – because it should be like this, it should have always been like this, and she knows now that it will always be like this—

“Yes,” Sana breathes out and Momo looks up at her. “I'll marry only you.”

  
  


Later that night – in the morning, actually, just hours before their flight back to Korea – they stroll through the streets of Osaka and finds a small jewelry store. They go in and they find it – something that they have always fought with, but never seemed to get around of.

_ Time. _

They had it engraved, on that same day – with some words and numbers, and everything that connects them. As Sana fits it on her fingers, her eyes shine with delight, and Momo thinks that – _ yes, _ this is it, this is where she belongs, this is where she wants to be, this is where she wants Sana to be – this is where Sana belongs.

And she confirms that, even without making Sana say it. She knows that things are good, that things from here on will only get better – and Momo knows this. _ Momo knows, Momo knows, Momo really knows– _

Because right when they were about to board the plane, even amidst the noise and the airport chaos, she hears it – Momo hears her heart beating one name, and one name only—

_ Sana, Sana, Sana. _


End file.
